Friday, November 30, 2012

Which switch is which?

I see questions all the time from writers who aren't in the lifestyle asking if a dominant (or submissive) would do X, Y, or Z in a given circumstance. "Is that something a Dominant would do?"

Well, considering there are no BDSM police out there keeing a Dom from doing the dishes, uh, yeah, they'd do it.

Here's the thing, people are people first in BDSM. (And for those of you who don't know it, I am in the BDSM lifestyle.)

It's fine for some "won twue wayers" to insist someone isn't a "real" Dom or sub or slave or whatever because they do/don't do ____.

I call bullshit.

This is real life. And frankly, in a D/s or M/s dynamic, if the Top wants to do something and it's not out of bounds based on the bottom's hard limits, they can do it. If they want to give their sub a massage or cook dinner or whatever, hey, knock yourselves out.

Anyone who is such an ass in their BDSM dynamic that they can't remember they are people first and not perfect little BDSM robots isn't someone I'd want to have in my circle of friends, quite honestly.

For example, I'm a switch. That means sometimes I like to top, sometimes I like to bottom. I started out as Hubby's top and owner. Over time, with my health issues, it's easier to step back and let him feel his toppy oats, and on occasion I'll bottom to him. In my default role with Sir, I'm His collared slave and submissive. (I am co-collared to Hubby and Sir.) Sir and pet. That, we've found over time and LOTS (and lots) of trial and error works best for us, especially mentally for me. When I'm in the mood (or have the energy for it) to be toppy, I tell Him. If He's in the mood to bottom, or even to be submissive (He's a masochist as well as a sadist), then great, we switch.

I'm sure that statement made someone's head somewhere explode with indignation. "You can't be a twue slave if you top! And he can't be a twue Dominant if he bottoms!"

Asshats.

The only person that has the right to define what someone should or shouldn't be in their dynamic is someone actually IN the dynamic.

Period.

We take great delight in keeping our friends guessing who is in which role at any given time. They've made a game out of it of trying to figure out who's in the driver's seat when we show up at an event. It's not always easy. Sir is a gear kind of guy, and He might be in full-on Dominant mode and yet be wearing a collar as well.

Why?

Because He WANTS to, that's why. That's my point. Likewise, when I'm in full-on Dominant mode, I'm always wearing my collar. Why? Because I WANT to.

See, don't ever forget that people in this lifestyle are in it voluntarily. Slavery is illegal in this and most other countries. So people in the lifestyle (as long as they aren't being abused) are in it because they want to be in it. They pick and choose their roles because they want them. Sir would not top me if I didn't want Him to. Not because I wouldn't let Him, but because HE has no interest in forcing me to do something.

Eh, well, unless of course we're playing at something and I've told Him I want Him to force me to do something as part of the play.

But that's getting into a whole 'nother conversation.

In other words, don't get caught up in rigid role boxes. Just like there are fluid gender roles, there are fluid D/s and M/s roles, even between people who aren't switches. When you add in the switch factor, you add even more to the mix.

And frankly, it's a lot more fun that way.

* * *

Aaannd on to other news...

*Snoopy dancing* It's release day for "Out of Bight, Out of Mind," the fourth (but not the last) installment in my Deep Space Mission Corps series from Siren-BookStrand. When I wrote the first book in the series back in 2009, I actually had to compose the manuscript on a teeny tiny little netbook, using a USB mouse and keyboard attached to it, because the screen on my main laptop died and had to get fixed. LOL

Now that's perseverance. LOL


http://www.bookstrand.com/out-of-bight-out-of-mind

Blurb:

[Siren Ménage Everlasting: Erotic Futuristic Sci-Fi Ménage a Quatre Romance, M/M/M/F, HEA]

Emi Hypatia loves her job exploring the galaxy with her three husbands, Aaron Lucio, Caph Bates, and Ford Caliban. When a nonhuman crewman is temporarily assigned to the Tamora Bight for a mission, Emi hates and mistrusts him at first sight due to what her empath training tells her.

Aaron, Caph, and Ford know Emi can't help what she feels about their temporary crewmate, Kayehalau. But they don't know if it's just the jump engines wigging her out, residual nerves from her fight on Kal'moran, or something else. They feel badly Kayehalau's presence on board makes her nervous, but orders are orders.

Emi knows Kayehalau is up to no good. She just has to prove it. It's soon apparent he wants to use her for a nefarious purpose. She turns the tables, but only after she's out of harm's way does her larger problem become apparent. Can Aaron, Caph, and Ford rescue her when she's left Out of Bight, Out of Mind?

A Siren Erotic Romance

Tymber Dalton is a Siren-exclusive author.

--

The correct reading order is:

1) Love at First Bight
2) Bightmares
3) Spider Bight
4) Out of Bight, Out of Mind

You can find all my Siren releases as Tymber Dalton, Lesli Richardson, Macy Largo, and Tessa Monroe on my Siren page at:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton



And you can find me on the web at:

http://tymberdalton.com
http://twitter.com/TymberDalton
http://facebook.com/tymberdalton
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymberDalton_updates/
https://plus.google.com/118382222849341409443/



Monday, November 26, 2012

Brats, BDSM and Books

 Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.
What does a lion have to do with brats, you may well ask. A lot. Or at least it's the best analogy I could think of.

One of the infuriating things about writing BDSM in fiction is that you often can't quote sources or in some cases you can't come out and say precisely who you are and what you do. This can result in some farcical situations. Some reviewers love to declare to one and all that this here book here has got the BDSM all wrong and that, the author clearly knows nothing.

I've seen this said about books by Dommes and submissives, and I've seen the BDSM dissed in books like The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton, who has since come out and declared herself a kinkster who is well and truly deep in the BDSM lifestyle. It's amusing in a way, but also annoying and ridiculous. But what makes it worse is when the criticism revolves around something that is truly just not the way the person criticizing the book likes their own BDSM scenes to roll.

My last book was written partly to throw some fun into the mix. There are so many edgy dark BDSM stories where the Dom is closer to robot or Sith ancestry than he is to a real man. Really, there should be a stamp somewhere that says,

Because they do. If you meet a Dom who has no sense of humor just check for a pulse. Sure while he's playing he might go into super strict Dom mode, if that's the dynamic of your relationship, but no one is like that all damn day. Even in a Master/ slave relationship there will be fun, or maybe you should be high-tailing it out of there...unless of course having no fun is your kink.

But, getting past the fun aspect, we also wanted to show brats in our story, because brats are much maligned and insulted. And yes, among my friends, there are two women who are brats who are very like the characters in my book. One is a bisexual collared switch with over ten years in the lifestyle. But that doesn't stop people declaring that there is too much bratting in the story. Okay, I get it, if a reader doesn't click with the dynamic of the BDSM in the story, okay. Move on. I don't 'get' humiliation play either, like face-slapping or being a coffee table. I don't 'get' dressing up as a pony either - it's way out of my comfort zone, but I accept that others like this.
Where this all goes pear-shaped is when people say this is wrong, and it's not BDSM.

Uh-uh. You may despise bratting in a D/s relationship and you may love obeying your Dom at a snap of his fingers and the growl of his voice but you are not everyone. Others prefer the challenge.

Here is where the lion comes in. Think of a Dom as a predator. If you're a hunter and you have a choice between having the prey walk up to you and  roll over at your feet, you'd accept that possibly. But not all do. Some prefer to have to chase after that prey, and drag it down while it is running away. With the human element of taunting by said prey added to the mix the whole scene can be even more potent.

Submission can come easily or with obstacles in the way. The brat switch I know loves it when her Dom makes her submit by force and he loves doing it. He loves dares. If she tells him he hits like a mosquito,
guess what, he wants to hit so hard she writhes and begs him to stop, and that gets her motor going too, and so the circle goes. Some brats are worse than others. Human relationships are not set in stone and do NOT have to abide by any rules except the ones made up by those in the relationship.

Some Doms can't stand bratting but surprise, surprise, they don't end up in relationships with brats, they find a submissive who likes their style of D/s.

Bottom line is, YOU may not like bratting in real life, or in stories, to you it may not be submission, but to others it is the color that heightens their kink life. Without it everything fades into black and white.

Take care that you respect what others do, as well as what you and your partner choose to do. There is no One Twu Way. There is only you and them. Make up your own rules. Be happy. Be safe.

I'll leave you with a quote from a friend.

"One of the things that I embrace about the lifestyle I have chosen, is that there is the freedom to define our own relationships."

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Violet Wand - it's nothing to be afraid of! Really!

The lovely Francesca Hawley brought her violet wand to the Ellora's Cave Romanticon convention last month, and when we weren't drooling talking politely to Cavemen, we gave it a try on Sunday night. In the middle of the bar. Now, before you go getting the wrong idea, we kept things aboveboard, and away from...sensitive areas.

If you're not familiar with a violet wand, here's a description of the Apprentice Kit from one the sites I use to research BDSM equipment, The Stockroom:


Take your first steps into the world of Nikola Tesla with this Apprentice Violet Wand kit, a sampler of the sensations that the Violet Wand has to offer. From a soft caress of static electricity to an acute zap with a smell of ozone, this kit delivers a wide range of electric sensation and is a great entry-level e-stim kit.
The large, medium, and small bulb assortment is a wonderful place to start with the included Edison bulb adaptor. The large bulb offers an adjustable, mild warm up while the smaller the bulbs become, the more intense and acute the sensation is for that special someone or naughty nobody.
The convex, rounded mushroom attachment is a natural for both male and female nipple and genital play and the small, straight probe attachment is great for delivering a spark of sensation with pinpoint accuracy.
Feeling creative? Manipulate the spark with the included Wartenberg wheel or slip on finger “eagle talons” to deliver a little, prickly tickle or sassy shock to you or your partner’s sensitive bits and pieces. 
For a more technical description, we'll turn to VioletWand.org:
The violet wand operates almost exactly as the Tesla coil described. The main difference is that the violet wand does not use a transformer, at least in the hand held models. Basically the wand uses another coil set up as an electro magnet. This set up is sometimes called a “Wagners Hammer”.
The pulsing AC current from the wall outlet causes the electro magnet to attract and then repel a permanent magnet that is attached to one side of a set of electrical contacts. By moving together and then apart, the circuit is made by the contacts and then broken, very fast. This is the buzzing noise you hear when using the wand. This making and then breaking the circuit establishes our electrical pulse.
When you adjust the intensity on the wand, you are positioning the permanent magnet closer to or further from the electro magnet. At low intensity the permanent magnet is far from the electro magnet. The electro magnet, when it is activated, has less of a pull on it because it has to overcome this distance. The contacts open and close at a slower rate. This has the effect of de-tuning the primary coil from the secondary and therefore there is less output (the pushes on the swing are coming at not quite the right frequency. The swing climbs, but not as high as it could.)
Incidentally, this is why at low levels the violet wands output will drop as its position is shifted. The distance between them is so great that the pull of the electro magnet is not enough to draw the permanent magnet towards it. Turning the wand upright adds a gravitational pull to the permanent magnet as well as the pull of the electro magnet. It is only with the gravitational pull assisting that the contact can open and close at all. Therefore the wand will work when held upright, but not when tilted.
This is the smaller "head"
Now for the fun stuff. What happened when Shoshanna Evers and I tried the violet wand? For me, though I had some trepidation beforehand, I LOVED IT. We used the wand mostly on our inner arms, which are quite sensitive, but I would less so than any female bits. It wasn't like we were going to do that in the middle of the bar. It was bad enough you needed to take off anything metal off, including, er, underwire bras.

So Francesca got everything out and explained some about how it worked. Then she put the "mushroom head" (no snickers, erotic romance writers, not that kind of head) on the wand and turned it to the lowest setting. Shoshanna and I both tried it and decided we could go higher. Francesca gradually turned it up, placing it on different spots on our arms. She asked us what "color" we were often and watched us closely.

Here's Shoshanna experiencing the wand...
Francesca showed another, smaller attachment which would concentrate the sensation more. We both agreed to try it, and once again, both of us seemed to enjoy it. I can't speak for Shoshanna, but it was a really cool sensation for me. Then she switched to another setting which electrified her and when she touched us, the current passed through her and into us. Very, very interesting.

I was feeling a little strange and tired from the aftereffects of a migraine, so I bowed out after that and went to sit and talk to a couple of hot Cavemen, but I know Shoshanna and Francesca continued to play for a while after that.
Shoshanna and Francesca after Francesca electrified herself

I'm guessing the most common question is going to be - what did it FEEL like? Well, that's hard to describe. It didn't "hurt" but it was a lot of sensations. If you have used a TENS unit as part of physical therapy, there are some similarities, but I'd say the violet wand is more intense.

I think someone who enjoys sensation play such as vampire gloves, the Wartenburg wheel, etc might be a fan of the violet wand. The main point is - don't be afraid of it! Make sure the person wielding it knows what they're doing and keep the lines of communication open, but don't be afraid of it.

Have you ever tried a violet wand? What did you think?

Monday, November 12, 2012

Where do you start?

One of the most common questions I get from people not in the lifestyle is, "Where do I find others? How do I get started? What do I do?"

First of all, let me start by saying, as I've said before, there are no "rules" to BDSM. There are only safety concerns and basic respect for others. The guidelines everyone should follow are: everyone's a consenting adult, everyone's having fun or getting what they need out of the play, and no one is being harmed.

That's really all there is to it. It's that simple. No BDSM police will take away your riding crop because you aren't "doing things right." There is no "one true way" to practice BDSM. In fact, I highly recommend keeping a sense of humor about you, and if you run into someone lacking one and who also takes themselves waaaaaaay too seriously, steer clear of them.

To find others, the best thing to do is to sign yourself up for an account on Fetlife.com. It's free, and if you're uncomfortable doing it, get yourself a completely different email address through Gmail and sign up with that. You don't have to give your real name or place or age or anything. Just don't post any face pictures of yourself if you don't want people to know who you are.

Being on Fetlife, you can then search by area to find local Munches (lunches or dinners usually held at restaurants), coffee groups, and other events.

Get out and meet people. Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship. In fact, you don't really "need" to be on the look-out for someone kinky if you're looking for a relationship. Just get to meet PEOPLE first. If you can't be friends with someone, then you damn sure can't trust them with your life, health, and safety in a BDSM play situation.

You also don't need to be in any hurry to "define" yourself. Remember, there are no tests, no grades, no pass/fail to this. It's life. It's YOUR life. And you're entitled to have fun (as long as you aren't harming anyone and they consent to playing with you). Don't worry about some pinhead who has a thousand reasons for why you're not doing it right. (Again, not talking about safety issues here -- that's a WHOLE different and legitimate conversation.)

We went to a munch last night (it's a monthly munch we go to) and there were a couple of different people there who'd never been to a munch before and weren't even sure what their interests were yet, only that they knew they wanted to get more involved in the lifestyle and meet like-minded people. There was also a couple there who'd been married for years and who were now starting to explore their kinky side. There was a couple who were both kinky and both formerly involved in the lifestyle who'd met through a vanilla dating site. (Now that's kinky! LOL)

When I first started this journey, I swore I was dominant, would never submit to anyone, would DAMN sure never play naked in public, etc. etc. etc.

*cough*

Um, yeah. I'm still dominant in most of my life, except I do submit to Sir, with whom I switch on occasion. Hubby, my slave, has a dominant streak in him that's starting to come out. I consider myself dominant in all other areas of my life, and if anyone tried to push my buttons, they'd find themselves on the floor in a heartbeat with my foot on their throat.

There are people who probably think we do human pet play (puppy, pony, cat) "wrong" because we mix impact play, discipline, and bondage in with it. There are probably purists who think I should be called a "little" because I call Sir "Daddy" and enjoy stuffed animals (I'm definitely not a little).

What I'm trying to say, even though I'm repeating myself from several past blog posts, is that to get started you just...start. Find out what interests you, never forget your basic manners (blindly messaging someone that you'd like to play with them without even taking the time to get to know them first is NOT polite and will get you shut down), and don't be in a hurry to rush into anything. Most of the spectacular "blow ups" I've seen in relationships and with people are because one or both were in a hurry to just jump right in, or to do things "right" without remembering first and foremost...

PEOPLE. ARE. PEOPLE.

I've seen the craziest shit both online and in real life in the BDSM world of people doing stuff that I would hope in vanilla real life they would never dream of doing. They seem to lose their common sense.

I had a dude message me last week, despite my Fetlife profile clearly stating right at the top of the about me section that I will NOT play with anyone other than my pack, that he was coming to town and wanted to tie me and Sir up and tickle us.

HUH??? If it'd just been generic copypasta crap, I would have deleted it. But the fucktard took the time to read enough of my profile to not only see i was in a poly triad, but to name us in his message and customize it. Yes, he probably sent similar messages to quite a few other people at the same time, but day-amn.

I told him no, to read people's profiles before sending them creepy messages, and then blocked him.

Sir basically told him to go fuck himself before He blocked him as well. And Hubby blocked him.

I didn't know this guy from Adam. And he only messaged me, which was even creepier because considering my profile shows I'm not only married but collared and owned, it would have been basic manners NOT to send me a message like that. Especially since he obviously took the time to read enough of my profile to see what my situation was.

That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about. If the guy had taken the time to strike up a conversation, and then eventually asked about playing, he would have gotten a polite no thanks. (Had he truly taken the time to be considerate, however, he never would have propositioned me in the first place.)

Usually when I get copypasta from trolls, I simply delete it and block the asshat. No harm, no foul. But when a douchecanoe customizes it and says he's coming to the area on a trip, yeah, that's when it gets into creepy land.

So don't do that. And yes, submissive women can be just as guilty of it, too. I've seen women in sub frenzy basically going after dominants, regardless of whether or not the guy is already in a relationship or not. They assume they can go after him because he's a Dom.

Um, no. If you went after another woman's man in real life, you'd likely end up in a cat fight, no? Why do you think it'd be any different in the BDSM world. Yes, I know people who are poly and/or have several play partners. (Hell, I am poly, but in a closed pack.) But what newbies often don't take into consideration is that the people who play with others usually have pre-existing rapport or relationship with them. I do know a couple of service tops who play with others at parties, but they're in committed relationships. And it's far too easy for a single female sub who's new to the lifestyle to equate sexual play/sensual play with "love" and then go off the deep end and then everyone starts hiding their pet bunnies out of an abundance of caution.

Don't be a bunny boiler.

And I'm not trying to scare newbies. By far, the majority of people I've met in the lifestyle are decent, polite, friendly people. But in any demographic, vanilla or kinky, you're going to have asshats who skew the bell curve right the hell off the chart. We tend to hear more about those asshats in the lifestyle community simply because it's a smaller demographic and epic derailments garner more attention and word of mouth.

So when you want to get started in the community, keep your eyes open, keep your common sense firmly in place, and just keep your damn undies on until you make friends with enough people that you can start to find things you'd like to try. Don't get entangled in sexual or sensual play with people you don't know well. Ask questions. If you go to events, find out who's in charge (if it's a small event) and talk to them, or find staff/volunteers you can talk to. Or ask the organizer or staff to point out people you can and should talk to.

If you're already in a relationship and want to explore this, communication is key. Don't automatically assume your partner will in no way want to participate. And if you're sure of that and think you're going to get your fix on the down-low, that's a sure-fire way to blow up your relationship beyond repair because the truth WILL come out.

Start by doing a little role-playing in bed. Give and take. "I'd like to try this tonight, and in exchange I'll try out ____ that you've wanted to try." (Yes, that's a simplification, but you get my drift.)

There is no race to the finish. There is nothing that says you have to jump into this feet-first into the deep end of the pool right now. Take your time. Learn to have the hard conversations. It will feel reeeallly weird at first if you're not used to talking with your partner like that, but trust me, you cannot have a BDSM lifestyle if you cannot effectively communicate.

And there's nothing that says you have to do everything at once. You can ask your guy to blindfold you in bed (or ask your girl, if you're the guy, or whatever your relationship configuration is). You don't have to ask your wife to buy a strap-on and fuck your ass as the first introduction to her finding out you're kinky.

It's a journey, a progression of steps, each one building upon the path. There is no "destination." There shouldn't be. Getting your hopes up and creating this unrealistic picture in your head of what things "should" be like is a sure-fire path to disaster.

Another key piece: you also need to make sure you are working on YOUR issues along the way. I've seen plenty of instances where people jumped into BDSM only to find disappointment because the source of their discontent was within them, not their partner.

I know this person who has bounced from relationship to relationship, each one a disaster after having proclaimed that their new person is "the one." They refuse to see that the problem is THEM, not the people they choose. (Well, they keep choosing deeply flawed people to start with.) They consistently choose the wrong people to have relationships with, because they refuse to see that what they are looking for is missing within them. Instead, they continue to put their needs upon new partners, and when those partners prove less than perfect (because they blindly ignored warning signs due to seeing that shiny object of the "missing piece" in the other person) yet another relationship blows up and they wonder what happened.

Had they focused on getting to know the other person first, instead of rushing into a relationship with them, they would have seen that it wasn't meant to be in the long run. And those of us who finally stepped out of that person's life because of the never-ending self-created drama sadly shake our heads and wonder who the next ex will be in that person's life.

You have to be willing to work on yourself, on examining yourself honestly, sometimes brutally so. You have to be able to have honest conversations with yourself. If you can't, you'll never be able to have those honest conversations with partners.

So take your time, start slow, and don't be in a hurry when you decide to to take the plunge. Yes, it means holding yourself back sometimes, but in the end, you'll be a happier person for it with a well-rounded circle of friends and acquaintances with whom you can share your journey.

And you'll be a happier, more content person as well.

* * *


Today is release day for the second book in my Placida Pod series, "Porpoiseful Intent."

http://www.bookstrand.com/porpoiseful-intent

And if you missed the first book, "Accidentally on Porpoise," you can order it from Siren here:

http://www.bookstrand.com/accidentally-on-porpoise

Blurb:

[Siren Everlasting Classic ManLove: Erotic Alternative Paranormal Romance, M/M, shape-shifters, HEA]

Sean Morita and Emery Nadel are enjoying settling in together as mates, but there is deadly trouble brewing on the horizon as plans for the Samhain superpod get underway. Sean’s parents have no idea that Emery and his family are dolphin shifters, and everyone wants to keep it that way.

But what do you get when you mix a hurricane, a houseful of dolphin shifters, a pair of oblivious human parents, a vengeful ex-lover, and an alligator shifter with a warped sense of humor?

Sean and Emery are about to find out. Erik isn’t finished with Emery yet, and innocent shifters will pay the price when vengeance returns with Porpoiseful Intent.

A Siren Erotic Romance

Tymber Dalton is a Siren-exclusive author.

--

You can find all my Siren releases as Tymber Dalton, Lesli Richardson, Macy Largo, and Tessa Monroe on my Siren page at:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton

New! I have a chat list now, too! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymbersTrybe/

And you can find me on the web at:

http://tymberdalton.com
http://twitter.com/TymberDalton
http://facebook.com/tymberdalton
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymberDalton_updates/
https://plus.google.com/118382222849341409443/

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Ten ways to tell if your man might be kinky

I was talking to a friend, who shall remain anonymous, and I was asking him about BDSM. He mentioned he didn't know if he was interested in it or not because he'd never been exposed to it. After my brain exploded with all the fun ways to introduce someone to BDSM (he's just a friend, but hey, I can fantasize), I started thinking about how, if you were in a new relationship, you might be able to figure out if your new man might be kinky. This is going to be a partially serious post, with a few tongue-in-cheek things thrown in, because it's been a long day and I have to entertain myself some way.

How to tell if your man might be kinky (or at least open to a discussion about it):


  1. You've noticed him spending a lot of time staring at your ass with his palm twitching.
  2. He doesn't hide that he watches porn.
  3. He owns some sort of sex toy or toys, even so-called tame ones.
  4. You climb on top and grab his hands, pulling them over his head, and he doesn't freak out.
  5. During doggy-style sex, he slaps your ass.
  6. He seems comfortable with dirty talk, especially dirty talk from you.
  7. When you mention him backing you into the wall/watching you in the mirror/etc, he grins, rather than apologizing.
  8. He owns or has at least seen and not been disgusted by movies like Secretary, 9 1/2 Weeks...
  9. You come home one day to find your ereader loaded with erotic romance, because he's figured out if you're horny it might be to his benefit.
  10. When you tell him a story about a friend of yours having sex with her boyfriend in some at least semi-public place, he thinks it's hot rather than that they should've been arrested.
How else can you tell if a man might be kinky? Give us more suggestions in the comments!
-- Cassandra

By the way, I've got some BDSM books coming out soon! Master Class is releasing on December 11th.

Here's the blurb:
Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

And Unexpected Top is coming out on January 18, 2013.

Here's the blurb:
Sometimes a wife has to go to extreme measures to save her marriage. When Cissy Holden doesn't feel appreciated, she takes matters into her own hands--literally--and introduces her wayward husband Len to the concept of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Will Len be on board with FLR, or has Cissy just made the biggest mistake of her life?