The tricks and treats of changing titles

Today, my book Master Class released. I'm really excited about it, but I thought you guys might like to a little behind-the-scenes look at some of the things that go on before a book is published.

Loose Id put out their holiday submissions call in August (they have to do it that far in advance to have the books ready by December) and I decided to write another story for it. Last year I wrote Caught, which was successful beyond my wildest dreams, and I wanted to try my hand at BDSM again.

I sent in a proposal, and Loose Id contracted the book. *whoa* That was the first time I'd ever had a book accepted on proposal. Very cool, but also very pressure-filled. So then, in ten days I wrote the 45k first draft. It was crazy. This book was literally pulled out of me. That had never happened before either.

As I was writing, I knew one of the major themes of the book was how Ryan discovers BDSM and how much he enjoys it. The title "Awakening" came to me and I thought it was perfect. In late August I turned Awakening in at around 47k.

My editor emailed me a few weeks later and said, "We're all set, but we need to change the title." Uh-oh. I've had titles changed a few times - every author has, but what to change it to? I loved Awakening! But another Loose Id book about a year ago had a similar title, so I had to give it up.

I turned to my critique partners, and between Annabeth Albert and I, we came up with Master Class. Ryan is a college professor, so "class" seemed appropriate, and of course he's a new Dom. His sub doesn't call him Master, but Sir Class doesn't quite have the same ring. Plus, there's an actual thing in college called a Master Class, so that fit too. We suggested it to Loose Id, they loved it, and Master Class was born!

Here's the blurb and an excerpt from Master Class:


Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

EXCERPT:
“What the fuck is an acceptable costume to wear to a Halloween party at a BDSM club?” Ryan Tomasi muttered aloud to himself. He did that a lot these days, since he lived alone after his recent divorce. “Sheesh.”
From his Internet research, he knew people who practiced BDSM—the term “practice” cracked him up every time—already dressed in some pretty outrageous outfits. Between the leather daddies and the pony play, as well as the other strange getups he’d seen online, Ryan wasn’t sure what to think. Full-body latex encasement? He shuddered.
But one thing was clear. He couldn’t keep fucking random women and feel good about it or himself. The whole mess had started after Ryan’s now ex-wife had blindsided him with divorce papers about a year ago, saying she didn’t love him anymore. The fact he’d loved her and had wanted to work on the marriage apparently wasn’t good enough, and Ryan found himself living in a rented house with nothing but his recliner and a futon to sleep on. Over the past year, he’d done what he could to rebuild his life, and now it was time to take the next step.
Ryan needed to find someone for more than a one-night stand and, it seemed, someone who wanted to submit to him, since he’d found he really liked some of this BDSM stuff, especially the dominating side. He felt like a fool on the bar scene, and he really wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of guy, though that had been his MO lately. He’d never even known there was a whole formal “thing” like BDSM until his friend Jack, a fellow professor at the college where Ryan taught English literature, had asked one day, while Ryan was lamenting his pathetic sex life, if he’d ever engaged in any BDSM activities. Ryan had been taken aback, to say the least. He’d thought that kind of thing was limited to porn. Real people didn’t get kinky like that, did they? Hell, he’d gotten married at twenty-two and had been with his ex-wife for almost fifteen years. It appeared he didn’t know shit about sex—kinky sex scene in particular.
Ryan had been shocked when Jack offered to let Ryan see what his submissive, Callie, and Jack did in some of their “scenes” so that Ryan could get a feel for what domination was all about. Jack didn’t allow any actual intercourse or other sexual contact between him and Callie when they got together, which Ryan totally understood, so there was a little bit missing from what he wanted to experience after reading how great the sex could be.
But just watching the way Jack dealt with Callie, and then having the opportunity to try a bunch of things out himself during subsequent play sessions with the two of them, had given Ryan a light at the end of what had been a very dark tunnel since the ex had walked out on him. He believed he’d finally found what he was looking for; what he’d been missing his entire life. The high from a woman submitting to him was the most natural, yet most powerful thing he’d ever felt, and Callie wasn’t even his submissive. What would that feel like?
Shaking out of his reverie, Ryan decided reinforcements were in order and called Jack. “Hey, man.”
“What’s up?”
“Am I interrupting anything?” He was almost afraid to ask.
Jack laughed. “If you’re asking me if Callie is tied up somewhere waiting for me to fuck her six ways to Sunday, no, you’re not interrupting anything. That’s later.”
“TMI, dude, TMI. Anyway, I need help.”
“You need a lot more than help.”
“Yeah, yeah. Seriously, I need to know what a Dom should wear to this Halloween party.”
“Uh, clothes? Usually only the submissives are naked.”
“Are you going to help or not? You’re the one who said I should go to this.” Ryan knew Jack was just messing with him, but as this Halloween party was his “coming out” of sorts as a Dom, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself.
“All right. I’ll take pity on you. What types of costumes are you looking at? What will make you feel comfortable?”
Ryan snorted. “Not sure anything can do that. I’m nervous as hell.”
“Remember, a Dom needs to portray an air of confidence. If you don’t, no sub is going to trust you enough to play with you.”
“I know. And by the time I get there, I’m sure I’ll be a lot calmer. I’ve been pretty good when I’ve played with Callie, haven’t I?”
Ryan could practically see the smirk on Jack’s face.
“Yeah, but I was there too. She knows better than to disobey me and that I would keep the play safe. Goes back to that trust issue. Plus, you didn’t have any sexual contact or anything that might’ve freaked you out. Speaking of that, you got your medical test results, right?”
“Yeah. Sent them to the club the other day.”
“Good. They won’t let you in unless you can prove you’re clean. Now, back to the costume. How about something easy like a police officer or a soldier? Some take-charge type of thing would be fitting.”
“Oh, I like the idea of a soldier.” Soldiers were powerful, respected—everything Ryan thought a Dom should project. It was the perfect costume to convey the image he wanted during his first public play. Ryan quickly typed that into the search engine of the costume store. “Awesome. They have a pretty cool one.”
“See how simple it is, once you’re not freaking out? I know this is all new and a little scary for you, but remember, kinksters are people too.”
“Yeah, yeah. You guys are going to be there, right?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t let you go into the big, bad world of BDSM all by yourself. Also, I’m your sponsor, so you can’t get in without me anyway this first time.”
“Okay, cool. See you then. And thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“Anytime.”
Jack hung up, and Ryan looked over the costume specs. It had a camouflage shirt and pants, along with a set of dog tags. He had black boots already for when he did stuff around the house. Though he wasn’t imposing by any means at five-nine and one-eighty, he wasn’t tiny either. Hopefully the costume would make him look like a bit of a badass. He flexed his bicep. Maybe allow him to show off the muscles he was just starting to develop with regular workouts at the gym over the past several months.
* * * *
On Halloween night Ryan dressed in his costume and drove to the club. Jack and Callie were waiting just inside the doors, and when Jack saw him approach, he spoke to the bouncer, who waved Ryan through without a word. Jack was clad as Zorro, and Callie’s dress, if you could call it that, was liberally scored with slashes. It looked more like a bunch of black bandages than anything else, and Ryan wondered how long Jack would allow her to remain clothed. If he knew Jack—and he felt he did after playing with him several times and spending hours talking to him about BDSM and a whole host of other topics—not long.
He wasn’t sure what was appropriate to say to Callie, so he forced his gaze away from her and greeted Jack, who grinned.
“You can tell her she looks hot. It’s not like you’ve never seen her naked.”
Ryan smiled, relaxing. He pivoted back to her. “You look hot, Callie.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Shall we?”
Jack gestured toward the door at the end of the short hall, and Ryan could hear a bass beat pounding from the other side. He nodded, swallowing thickly. Ryan needn’t have worried, though. As soon as he stepped into the room and looked around, his nerves settled.
I’m home.
The people around him were engaged in all manner of things, but even a cursory glance at the various scenes playing out before him made him finally feel like he was normal. He wasn’t a freak for wanting sex and control like this, despite what his ex-wife had said when he’d suggested some pretty mild stuff to spice up their sex life.
“What do you think?” his friend shouted over the music.
“It’s fucking perfect.” Ryan couldn’t have kept that note of awe out of his voice even if he’d tried.
Jack laughed. “I figured you’d say that. I’ll give you a tour, but we need to do one thing first.”
“What’s that?”
“Lose the shirt. You’ll look way more Dom-ish without it.”
“Dom-ish?” Callie repeated with a chuckle.
“You behave before I decide to leash you,” Jack threatened. “Or maybe we can give Ryan here some more practice with that paddle you hate so much.”
She looked down. “Whatever would please you, Master.”
“Seeing your beautiful ass bright red and ready to be fucked would please me greatly, but we need to babysit Ryan for a bit longer before we can play.”
Ryan pulled off his shirt and stuffed it into his brand-new toy bag. Who would’ve thought a duffel bag he got at an academic conference would come in handy to hold the instruments of pain and pleasure he’d spent a small fortune on?
He followed Jack through the club as the other man pointed out the public play area, the theme rooms, and the staircase to the private rooms upstairs. Then they all went to the bar, which served no alcohol so as to keep the clubgoers sober for play, as Jack explained in answer to Ryan’s puzzled question. They procured soft drinks—drinks were included in the price of the membership—and found a comfy couch that was close enough to the public play area that Ryan had a good view of several scenes taking place. Jack and Ryan sat, and Callie settled on a cushion in front of her Dom.
“That girl,” Jack said, pointing to a submissive tied to a St. Andrew’s cross as a man whipped her from thighs to shoulders, “is a hard-core masochist. As you can see, she’s not wearing a collar, so she’s not owned, but stay away from her. Until you get more comfortable with impact play, all you’ll do is frustrate both of you.”
Ryan nodded, forcing himself not to wince as the man laid another welt on her ass.
“That one,” his friend continued with a jerk of his head at another submissive, “is a horrible topper-from-the-bottom. She’s definitely not a good fit for you as a beginner. I’m not really sure why any Dom would play with her. It would drive me batty to have a sub questioning my every order.”
Jack dismissed a few more for one reason or another as they sipped their beverages. There weren’t a ton of subs running around without collars, and Ryan was beginning to believe none of them would pass Jack’s muster.
“She’s a pretty one,” Jack remarked, and Ryan followed his gaze. He nearly swallowed his can of soda pop whole. Pretty didn’t begin to describe the woman. She was a few inches shorter than him, from what he could tell in his current position, and had enough meat on her bones to be curvy. If he was going to be tying a woman up and fucking the hell out of her, he wanted to be sure her ribs wouldn’t crack at the slightest provocation.
Her long brown hair was piled on top of her head, leaving the slim column of her neck exposed. Ryan loved to nibble on women’s necks, and if he had this one restrained, he’d happily spend hours torturing her in that spot. She was wearing what looked like a harem girl outfit, with a jeweled bra and flouncy, gauzy pants. From the looks of things, Ryan was pretty sure she was naked underneath them.
Jack had been speaking with Callie but straightened up. “Callie said her name is Lisette, and she’s an experienced submissive who hasn’t been to the club as far as Callie knows since her split with her Dom a while back. She’s not owned, as you can see from the fact she’s not collared. The lack of a collar doesn’t always mean a sub is not owned, but at open parties like this, all owned submissives must be collared. As you know,” he continued with a grin in Callie’s direction, “some of us can be possessive bastards, and it cuts down on potential problems.”
“Makes sense,” Ryan murmured. His friend’s eyes suddenly widened a little in anticipation, and Ryan turned in the direction of his gaze.
“Hey, do you mind if we go take advantage of that spanking bench? At these parties, equipment doesn’t stay empty long.”
“No, go ahead.”
Jack helped Callie up and landed a hard swat on her ass. “Go get it for us, pet. I’ll be right over.” He turned to Ryan. “Feel free to watch us or anyone else. We should be back within a half hour or so. Callie’s been naughty lately and needs a good dose of the belt.”
Winking, he walked away, and Ryan laughed. Before Jack had agreed to bring Ryan here for public play, he’d insisted on several private sessions at the house he and Callie shared, so Ryan knew Callie’s favorite implement was the belt. He doubted she would be too upset if Jack used it tonight.
A completely naked woman, save for a collar, came by and took their empty soda cans. Ryan gave her a small smile but kept his attention focused on the scenes unfolding around him. Jack was busy tying Callie to the spanking bench, and the masochistic woman was still being whipped—Ryan couldn’t hold back his wince this time at a particularly hard strike—and a male submissive was going to town on his Mistress’s pussy like he was mining for gold. Turning away from them, he saw a female submissive strapped to what Jack had called a bondage table with cane marks decorating her ass in perfectly spaced lines and her Dom’s dick in her mouth. He’d never tried caning, but it looked interesting, if a little scary. Hell, almost everything looked interesting right now.
Ryan continued to watch as Jack bared Callie’s ass and started out lightly flicking the belt across it. He’d explained to Ryan how important it was to warm the bottom up by bringing the blood to the surface to prevent bruising, and Ryan had spent long hours in the past couple of weeks practicing with a pillow and the strap he’d ordered along with the other stuff Jack had said he’d need to be able to play. The club had a nice selection of implements lined up on the walls of the public play area, but Jack had recommended he get used to his own so he didn’t make a mistake and hurt a submissive.
He was just about to rise and make his way back to the bar when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. The submissive Callie had called Lisette knelt directly in front of him, a bottle of water laid on her upturned palms. Ryan raised an eyebrow.

Copyright 2012, Cassandra Carr

Buy link: http://www.loose-id.com/master-class.html

My links:
Website: http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCassandraCarr
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/cassandra_carr

Inside the mind of a submissive man

When I asked for topics you guys wanted to see on this blog, one that came up was how a submissive man thinks/feels, etc. I thought that would be fascinating, and a friend offered to ask two of her friends who are submissive (at times -one is actually a switch) a bunch of questions. Here are the questions and the guys' answers. I want to thank both of them for their incredible candor and insight.

1. It seems like many people envision women being submissive and men being dominant. You're a male submissive. What do you think sets you apart from men who are dominant?

ANSWER: As a switch who bottoms/subs to women, I think what sets me apart from a male dominant is a willingness to accept that I don't have to be in control all the time. The times I can take control and work my will on someone are great, but that doesn't have to be all the time for me. I can give the drivers seat over and feel fine about it, in certain instances.

ANSWER: First off, I do not consider myself a "male submissive". Beyond my parents (and we have all submitted to 'them" at one time or another) I have never submitted to anyone but my one and only Mistress. I have long lived as the god of my own universe, captain of the ship of me, and as such have never sought out anyone to take over those duties and responsibilities. Yet, since the age of 8 or so, I've had sexually charged fantasies about being overwhelmed by bossy, arrogant, dominant women. 
I kept that side of myself hid for so many years, and finally had to experience it so I could keep growing as a person. I met the woman who became my Mistress my first night at a club, and we soon fell in love, and decided to form a life together. She is the only one I ever submit to, so that is an exception in my life, and remains so. I should add that my sub-ness is entirely connected to sex, and sexual energy for me. So I am very much a role player who ended up in a 24/7 D/S relationship cuz of love. 
Recently I have discovered I am a switch. A girl I know and am close to inspires this side of me, and for the first time I have been truly experimenting with being dominant, and am enjoying its reality in myself. Does this mean I am now a Dominant male? No, the fact that I do it with one person does not warrant such a broad all-encompassing term, the same way submitting to one person does not warrant calling myself "submissive". I can go to these places when the chemistry is right with the right people. 
As for a difference between myself and dominant males - my experience so far has shown me that many who identify as dominant often live with the frustration of feeling relatively impotent in other areas, disrespected, weak, having to eat other people's shit, etc. They turn to others who desire to be, or identify as submissive to help work thru these issues, and to feel a kind of power over another human being they rarely if ever can get anywhere else. So the distinguishing quality is not being dominant per se, but the NEED to feel, and be, dominant.
Many who identify as submissive, on the other hand (and this characterizes how I see myself, too) feel very much in control of their daily lives, exercise direction, responsibility, even authority, and therefore want to feel the voluptuous pleasure of laying that down, giving it to another (power exchange) and feeling it turned upon them. 
A supreme form of general confidence allows me to overcome any fear that might stand in the way of me doing this - giving power to another person. In this case, my Mistress. In a nutshell, submissives to me often seem more relaxed and confident in a general sense than many dominants, who are often concerned with questions of power and perception and having to live up to an ideal.

2. Are there differences you can see between male and female submissives?

ANSWER: Not many. Submission is a mindset, not something that I've seen be defined more by gender. Generally, I'd say the type of play the submissive can endure, but that's not true either, because I've seen some female bottoms take beatings that some male bottoms would safe word out of right damn quick.

ANSWER: Not really, aside from societal prejudices, i.e. the way they might be treated. I know some female submissives that prefer this dynamic in any and every relationship they have, whereas all males I know who identify with the S side want it only with particular women, and are fine with being switchy or dominant in other contexts. This is just my experience so far, tho.

3. What is your favorite part of being a male submissive?

ANSWER: Knowing that, when I'm in a submissive space, someone is taking care of me, and I am making her happy because of that. Whatever that entails.

ANSWER: The sex. More specifically, the power of the play and the sex, especially when in the context of a 24/7 dynamic (and no one, male or female / dominant or submissive, can be one thing All the time) I could also say the joy of being with and serving a wonderful woman I love and admire, but I would feel that way even without the D/S. I like doing things for the ones I love, and that's not always a "submissive" thing, rather a Love and "I'm good at this particular thing" thang.

4. Do you ever encounter any negativity from people in the lifestyle because you're submissive? What about if someone who's not in the lifestyle finds out?

ANSWER: Not really, mainly because I try to avoid people who make instant judgments about a person based on their role in the lifestyle. It would be like hanging around someone who thought all Doms are arrogant assholes, or someone who thought all switches were slutty tourists. As for outside the scene, I am very private with my lifestyle. Almost no one outside the scene knows what I do or how I do it, in that regard. If someone were to find out, I think they would be more focused on WHAT I was doing (BDSM) rather than HOW I was doing it.

ANSWER: I never do, probably because I carry myself well, I'm physically big and seem imposing to some, and I'm very comfortable in myself. It just never seems to be a problem. Plus most people know and respect my Mistress as well, so it has always worked out smoothly social-ness wise. And plenty of others I know outside of the lifestyle have found out, and they have all expressed surprise that I would be submissive in this. I apparently come across quite the opposite. And that's no surprise per answer #1.

5. What kind of dominant woman turns you on the most? What turns you off?

ANSWER: Confidence, and the knowledge they can handle me when I bottom. I get very...primal when I bottom hard, and I don't bottom unless I'm going to go hard. Those are the main turn-ons for me. Turn-off...arrogance. Someone who thinks their shit doesn't stink is going to put me off right away.

ANSWER: My favorite kind of dominant woman is usually large breasted, even full figured, and can even have all the symbols of "bad girl-ness", i.e. tats and piercings, smokes, biker chick, possibly dangerous, hint of ex-con, proud to be physically hot white trash yet also cunning and ruthless. Let's go beyond the cosmetics and fantasy. My favorite kind of dominant woman is in control of her evil. How? She also has a big heart and a brain. 

She is also comfortable in her own skin and sexuality, and has found her sadism and dominance as a natural energy within her. The kind I don't like? Those that (like bad male dominants, too!) posture too much, all bombast and ego to cover up the fact that they haven't actually found it within themselves yet, and are trying too hard to SEEM dominant and commanding. With them I only see the inexperience, inauthenticity, the act. Give em time maybe they will find it later. Maybe not.

Truly, truly interesting stuff, don't you think? Again, I want to thank both of these men for taking the time to give detailed, insightful answers to my inquiries. I'd love to hear what you think of their answers and any experiences you've had, either as a male submissive, or dealing with a male submissive.

My Journey into Submission

As usual we've had some great posts here recently. If you haven't read either of Tymber's or Cassandra's recent blog then I suggest you do so, they're great. Both of them made me think and my blog today stems from what's been said. For most of us involved in the lifestyle, BDSM is an ongoing journey and today I thought I'd share a little bit about the road I've travelled.

 

I've been on my journey for nearly half a century. *shudder* I just turned forty-seven; yep the terrifying fifty is on its way. No shades of grey jokes please, I couldn't cope...lol. I assume some of you are wondering why I class my childhood years as part of my journey. I do it firstly, because we are all who we are because of the whole experience of our lives not just the adult portion. My childhood also played a part in my concept of Dominance and submission, although it was flawed in many ways.

 

 

Looking back I recognize the power exchange in the family for what it was…a D/s one. My family was the traditional, father, mother and two kids. My parents stayed together until death, never divorced, my father was the head of the house, and my mother submitted to his authority. Yes she could participate in the discussion about what to do or disagree with his decisions but ultimately his word was law. That sounds very D/s to me I hear you say. Well in many ways it was but mum's submission stemmed from her religious beliefs of 'wives obeying their husband', not living a BDSM lifestyle. The flawed part of the household came with my father's dominance. He was not the Dom we read about in romance novels. He was sadistic, cruel and abusive to his children behind closed doors and the perfect loving father when in public. In my teenage years I rebelled, not only to my father's authority, but to all authority. I decided I would not be controlled by anyone, would not do as I was told and damn anyone who tried to make me behave. I like to think of my teenage years as practicing to be the perfect brat. Thinking back, the lesson I learned about submission from childhood was sometimes rebelling is what you have to do in order to find yourself.

 

Once I reached my early twenties I discovered something interesting about myself. I still had the get fucked attitude when it came to being told what to do in most areas, but I found that when it came to sex and men I wanted a take charge kind of guy in the bedroom. I lost all urge to say no way and instead turned into a submissive creature that wanted only to please and obey. I loved being tied up, unable to resist (not that I wanted to) and the first time someone bent me over their knee and spanked my cheeky ass I thought I'd gone to heaven. For a while I lead a double life. I'm sure my friends believed I never had sex, never dated, and didn't want a relationship because I kept my sex life and my 'real' life totally seperate. I worked as an advocate for women and children that were victims of abuse, yet in my personal live I was engaging in all sorts of kinky activities in secret and choosing to be dominated. Not abused, there's a clear distinction, but I knew that at the time friends and family wouldn't see it that way. It took a lot of research, reading and meeting different people on the fringe of society before I realized what BDSM and Dominance and submission actually was. It took more to finally accepted that I was a submissive. That period in my life taught me that it's okay to be submissive if that's your choice.

 

Like all new and exciting information we try to incorporate into our lives I spent my late twenties and thirties in pendulum mode until I finally found a balance. I'm embarrassed to say I did fall into the doormat role for a while, until I learned that being submissive didn't mean being a doormat. Where was Cassandra's post when I needed it? Lol. I did meet abusive men pretending to be dominants and ran like the wind once I realized what they were. Thankfully, I eventually became comfortable with my submissive side and with that I also became more open about my lifestyle and what I liked about it. I learned that I offered my submission to someone in a mutual exchange of power and that my submission should be valued as a gift and respected by the Dominant I chose to share it with.

 

By the time I met Shane - my partner, lover, friend and Dom - I knew who I was. I had a firm grasp on exactly what being a submissive was and I wasn't letting go. I believed I had finally arrived and knew exactly how the D/s thing worked. For the first time in my life I entered into a D/s relationship knowing exactly what I wanted and negotiated terms of how Shane and I would live that benefited both of us and met both our needs. Of course reality is never as perfect as you think it will be, but for the large part of our time together and our relationship worked and was a loving one. When Shane experienced some minor health issues the D/s dynamic changed somewhat. We had always enjoyed an open relationship and played with other Doms and subs on a casual basis but eventually Shane decided that in order for me to have all my needs catered to we needed to find a Dom, outside of the relationship, to meet those needs on a regular basis. I still submitted to Shane, he remained my Dom in everyday life and in overseeing the play I engaged in and with who. I was beginning to learn that being a submissive, I could offer my submission to different people under different circumstances in varying ways. 

 

 

The last lesson I learned about submission while I was with Shane was a tough one. I learned submission is never easy and you may have to fight for it. When Shane was diagnosed with terminal cancer and told that, without treatment, he had eight weeks to live, my world turned upside down. We discussed everything from his funeral, to whether to accept treatment options offered by doctors, to what I should do once he was gone. After much discussion he made the final decision on what would happen. Shane declined all treatment options except pain relief and asked that when he was too ill to advocate for himself I would ensure doctors and family abided by his decision. Responding to him was the hardest 'Yes Sir' I've ever had to say. In the following eight weeks I didn't fit any preconceived behaviors of a sub that you might see, imagine or read about, but then I'm not a stereotype, I'm a real life sub. As such, I did what my Dom asked. I made sure his wishes were adhered to. I fought with doctors over medication, refused their requests to try and get Shane to change his mind about treatment, I stood up to his family when I needed to, I organized his funeral exactly as he wanted it, I made sure everything Shane wanted happened and I hated every damn minute of doing it.

 

Then why did you do it?

 

Because as a submissive I choose. I had chosen to give my submission to Shane and entered into an agreement with him many years before he became ill. As his submissive, I chose to honor our agreement until the end.

 

So that's my journey so far, I've learned a lot and I'm sure I'll learn more before I'm finished. Being a submissive is all about choice. Sometimes the choice to submit is easy, other times it's the hardest thing to do in your life...but it's still a choice.