A Roll of the Dice (Suncoast Society 9, mf, BDSM) available for pre-order.

A Roll of the Dice (Suncoast Society 9) by Tymber Dalton

So what do you do when you're married for 25 years, your child is leaving home for college, and you suddenly find yourself with a very free after-work schedule?

If you're the heroine of my new book, you might find yourself in the position of wanting to spice things up in your otherwise solid and loving marriage.

In A Roll of the Dice, I cover the very common question of "where do we go from here?" many long-term couples find themselves in. Jenny discovers BDSM fiction via her book club. After learning from Shayla, one of the club's other members, that BDSM is really a "thing" people do in real life, Jenny wants to learn more.

Now her husband, Mike, is forced to figure out a new path for himself in an attempt to find a way through this new "thing" that will both make Jenny happy and be something he can live with.

This is actually a very familiar scenario. I can't tell you how many times I've been to munches, where people stood up and introduced themselves and talked about discovering BDSM later in life, having spent years thinking there was something "wrong" with them, or years in a relationship that was totally not fulfilling. Sometimes, their partner makes the journey with them, or attempts to. Sometimes, they end up having to make a clean break and a fresh start, alone, or the relationship dissolves in the process of self-discovery. People change and grow apart. Sometimes, they grow together.

This isn't some impossible billionaire Dom haunting a ritzy private club looking for his next submissive, or some broken and lost woman looking for an anchor in her crazy life. This is the story of two regular, everyday, middle-class, average-Joe people, a husband and wife, who love each other very much and want to stay together and muddle their way through this new "thing" now that their son is off to college.

It releases on 9/12 at Siren-BookStrand, and will be 4-6 weeks before it hits third-party sites. (But you can pre-order it now from Siren-BookStrand.) If you have a Kindle, you can input your device's email address in your BookStrand account and they'll send the file directly to your device upon release. For other devices, you can purchase the appropriate format and manually transfer it to your device. (They have instructions on their site.) I have no control over the release times, that's all handled by the publisher.

Blurb:

[Siren Sensations: Erotic Consensual BDSM Romance, voyeurism, public exhibition, sex toys, HEA]

After twenty-five years of marriage, Jenny wants to try something new with her husband, Mike. Her book club’s been reading BDSM fiction. It’s piqued her curiosity enough to make her want to brave a local munch and try things with her husband.

Mike loves Jenny and would do anything for her. But memories of the abuse his mom suffered haunt him, and he refuses to be “that” man. When Jenny tells Mike she wants them to try BDSM, he attempts to keep an open mind despite his personal issues about it.

While meeting people from the local community, Mike makes an effort to give Jenny what she needs despite his desires warring with his conscience. Once his shock and surprise wear off over who he discovers is involved in the alternative lifestyle, Jenny and Mike start forging a new path. But will that journey lead them apart, or bring them closer together?

A Siren Erotic Romance

Click here to pre-order now.

You can visit my author page at Siren-BookStrand to find all my titles there under all four of my pen names (including the other 8 books in the Suncoast Society series).

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton

And feel free to join my readers' group, Tymber's Trybe, over on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TymbersTrybe/

BDSM vs Abuse

My friend and fellow writer Tara Rose as a great blog post today, in the wake of the trailer for 50 Shades of Grey hitting the wires, about BDSM vs abuse and how to tell the two apart. Definitely one you want to check out.

http://www.tararoseromanceauthor.com/2014/07/bdsm-versus-abuse-do-you-understand.html

Yet another one where I take on radical feminists' views about BDSM.

Oh, look. Someone on the Interwebz is having a butthurt cow about consensual BDSM practices. It's an older article, but one I was only pointed toward just today.

*sigh* http://liberationcollective.wordpress.com/2013/01/27/bdsm-is-violence-against-women

Here's my response to them, because I seriously doubt they'll let my comment stand, because, idunno, LOGIC HURTZ.

*Grrrr.*

Equating the 50 Shades books and porn films to real-life consensual, healthy BDSM practices is the equivalent to saying that pedophillic priests means all Catholics, including parishioners, should be put in jail for child abuse.

Seriously, that's the kind of faulty logic you all are engaging in here.

There are still parts of the world where people are MURDERED for being gay. THAT is a serious cause to go after, not pillorying people who are in healthy BDSM dynamics. And yet you take a tiny, unrealistic subset of a very large population and say THIS IS THE TRUTH ABOUT BDSM, when, in fact, it's not.

Have any of you ever had sex in any way other than the missionary position? Have any of you ever willingly been blindfolded or *gasp* tied up during sex?

If yes, then you have no room to point fingers at those of us who do CONSENSUALLY practice healthy BDSM.

If you gasped in horror that I suggested such a thing, perhaps you all really need to take a harder look at your own stunted sexual practices.

You don't get to determine how consenting adults practice their sexuality. Period. Full stop. Just because it's not YOUR cuppa doesn't mean you get the right to take that cup from someone else. I couldn't care less about how you practice your sexuality, so why should you concern yourself about how I practice mine? Do you really have that much free time on your hands?

Are there abusers and assholes in BDSM? Yes, there are. But there are also assholes and abusers in the vanilla world, too.

The fact that the latest version of the DSM has depathologized BDSM should tell you that your heads are stuck in the past and deep in the sand.

You don't have a right to say how I, or how ANYONE ELSE, practices our sexuality. You don't. If people are consenting adults, let them do what they want to do in the bedroom. Yes, you are being hypocritical. We are at a time now where women get to decide how to express their sexuality. If it's not the way YOU want them to express it, well, I guess it sucks to be you then, doesn't it?

Just the fact that you're couching your post in terms like "patriarchal rape culture" shows your bias and lack of empathy for people who are different than you.

And FYI, I am a woman who, while I identify as a Dominant in nearly all areas of my life, is also a collared slave who switches with the man I'm collared to. Oh, and he's not my husband--we're poly. (Suck on that fact, too, while you're at it.) I am not being "abused." I am not being "harmed." I dare say that I have done more personal recovery, and healed more from my PTSD from a previous relationship, since finding BDSM than I did before. I have empowered myself in ways you apparently aren't even capable of conceiving, based on your biased report.

Instead of making wide-sweeping, ignorant statements based on some extremely UNrealistic examples at best, and horrific and non-representative examples at worse, how about getting to actually, oh, I don't know, MEET and TALK to people who engage in healthy BDSM dynamics, instead of treating us like we have cooties.

(Tymber Dalton is a real-life practitioner of BDSM, and the author of over sixty books. www.tymberdalton.com)

Consensual non-consent, rape play, and stay the hell out of my bedroom.

Cara Sutra has THE best blog I've ever read about summarizing CNC (consensual non-consent play, AKA rape play) in BDSM. DEFINITELY a must-read.

You can take my rape fantasy when you non-consensually prise it from my kink dependent mind.

The point being many of us in BDSM ENJOY this kind of play. Speaking to the nay-sayers who think we're "wrong" for enjoying this kind of play: You don't know what our backgrounds or experiences are, so you have no RIGHT to dictate to us, CONSENTING ADULTS, how we express ourselves through our sexuality. You don't get to homogenize us to fit YOUR mold.

CONSENTING. ADULTS.

Those two words right there mean a full-stop period end to any objections anyone might have. Let's break it down further, shall we?

CONSENT. It means the people (both  sides of it) engaging in the play are CONSENTING.

ADULTS. Meaning a human person of legal age and able to give consent to such play.

I'm NOT saying people who don't enjoy this kind of play should do it. Not at all. But for a group of people to scream that it's "wrong" to do it, when consensually enjoying is, for some, a way to RECLAIM and SELF-DEFINE their own sexuality and sexual expression, that's like the people saying it's wrong are victimizing people all over again.

As long as people are CONSENTING ADULTS, no one has a right to shame them into what they should or shouldn't do in terms of their sexuality.

CONSENTING. ADULTS.

Two words. Two VERY powerful words that many people try to overlook to create wacky, off-the-wall and totally irrelevant arguments against CNC play. Like trying to equate it to pedophiles or bestiality. Um, NO. Again, CONSENTING ADULTS. Kids are neither ADULTS nor CONSENTING. Animals are neither (human) ADULTS nor CONSENTING.

If it's not your kink, GREAT! You don't have to do it! But for those of us in BDSM who enjoy it, don't try to shame us and further victimize us. In a real situation, let's just say I have a concealed carry permit, 'kay? But with Sir, CONSENSUALLY, it's play I enjoy. Why? Because I trust him and I know that if something went south, physically, mentally, or emotionally, all I have to do is safeword and boom, play stops. (That's the CONSENT part.) I'm an ADULT. Sir's an ADULT. We're quite capable of figuring out what we do and don't want to do.

What two consenting adults do between them is NOT any reflection upon ANY experience anyone else has had. It's NOT "victimizing" anyone else. It's NOT a slam to any victim of a crime. It's NOT.

YKINMY. Your Kink Is Not My Kink. Pure and simple. Trying to equate a consensual act between two people with a non-consensual crime is like trying to say that people shouldn't be allowed to drive cars anymore because some asshole hit your car with his. There is no cause-and-effect here. The two are linked in some ways for SOME people, yes. But the private play that people engage in does NOT create acceptance for the non-consensual crime. It doesn't.

*deep breath*

Sorry, didn't mean to put on my ranty pants there, but now that they're on, at least I got that out.

(Tymber Dalton is the author of The Reluctant Dom and other books. Her website is http://www.tymberdalton.com)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at The Playroom. Enjoy!

The "Perfect" Dom

Too often I hear tales of submissives lamenting that they can’t find the “perfect” Dom. Including a former friend who changed relationships nearly as frequently as they changed underwear, without bothering to stop and look within. And thus I wrote “The ‘Perfect’ Dom.” (Yes, there will be a version for “The ‘Perfect’ Sub” forthcoming. LOL)

Sometimes, that "perfect" person is right there in front of you already.

"The 'Perfect' Dom"

I wish above all to find
That special man to blow my mind.
Tall and cute and oh, so strict,
Who’ll keep me in line, I must admit.

And look, there he is,
And now he’s mine.
And life from here on
Will be oh, so fine!

You’re home! Finally!
Now pay Domly attention to me!
I’m on my knees
And more than ready!

“I’m tired, and exhausted.
And angry at my boss
And feeling frosted.
Let’s do this later.”

But…but! *pout pout pout*
I’m the perfect sub,
You can’t wuss out!

“Fine. Go cook me dinner
And do the dishes.
You want to serve me?
Those are my wishes.”

But…but! *pout pout pout*
That’s not very Domly!
All day I thought about
You getting sexy on me!

“All I want to do is rest.
You want to serve me?
Then quit beating your chest
And get your ass in the kitchen.”

You are not the boss of me!
All I wanted was to feel sexy.
Why can’t you be Domly to me
Like you first were when you collared me?

“When I collared you,
Remember how I said
I wanted more of you
Than just in my bed?

“I said I wanted someone who
Could be the one I come home to.
Someone who wanted more from me
Than just the label of that man’s subbie.

“I’m not always going to be
Some uber-Dom who wants to play.
I’m flesh and blood, and just like you
Sometimes I change from day to day.

“If I can accept you for all your flaws,
Why do you insist I’m not allowed
To be imperfect when I need to be,
I’ll admit I’m human, I’m not so proud

“That I can’t say what I need
Is you to understand that.”

Do his dishes? I’ll show him.
Off to the internet I shall swim
There are other fishes I can catch
Surely there is a finer match.

And maybe the next one won’t be
Like all the rest who’ve come before him.
Surely there is out there for me
A perfect Dom.

--

Tymber Dalton is the author of over 50 books, including The Reluctant Dom, The Denim Dom, and more. Her website is http://www.tymberdalton.com She is active in the BDSM lifestyle.

Namaste.

Namaste, peeps. Love and light to all today. )0( Blessed be.

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain—and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

-- "Acquainted With the Night" by Robert Frost

The RIGHT way to clean house...

Now THIS is how you clean house! LOL

Yay, it's FetishCon time!

You know when there's an event you look forward to every year, an event that just thinking about gives you a gleam in your eye?

Yeah. FetishCon is one of those events for me. Held in Tampa, this is its thirteenth year. We've gone the past several years, and now it's an annual "staycation" for Sir and me. We load in a roomful of luggage that, when unpacked, makes it look like a fetish shop exploded. We park and rarely get back into the car for the entire weekend. We ignore dawn and dusk and stay up all night and sleep half the morning, only to drag ourselves out of bed for coffee.

You know, the important stuff. LOL

And yes, this is the same FetishCon (although locals here usually call it FetCon) I mentioned in my book The Denim Dom.

While it's an industry event, meaning you can find fetish models galore, it's also heavily geared toward the BDSM lifestyle crowd. There are great vendors, classes, and dungeons. (Although you have to have a weekend pass to access the dungeons.)

It's a LOT of fun. If you're in the Tampa area this weekend, you can get day passes at the door, but they won't give you dungeon access at night. Still, if you're looking for a great fetish event, you don't want to miss it.

Sir spent last weekend making me pony gear, and I now have a gorgeous, custom-made headstall and hip harness (to attach my tail, which I'm still working on LOL). He's a very crafty Sir, and for less than $300 in materials, I now have over $500 worth of gear. And still plenty of materials left over. He's also working on a body harness for me. (I'll post pics once I take some good ones that do the gear justice.)

I'm so excited, I feel like a kid about to go off to camp! LOL

--

Tymber Dalton is the author of over fifty books, and her latest, Pinch Me (Suncoast Society) is now available for pre-order from Siren-BookStrand. Her website is http://tymberdalton.com

Switches: Yes, we really exist. (And no, we're not confused.)

I did a guest post today for Tara Rose's BDSM Blitz that she's doing over on her blog. I talk about being a switch, what it is that we do, and why we're not "confused" about what we do (like some won twue way fucktards would love to claim).

Please stop by and check it out:

http://www.tararoseromanceauthor.com/

The voices are rarely wrong.

I'd had this one WIP (work in progress) that I'd been sitting on for several years. Mostly written, I just hadn't gotten back around to working on it. Because it was a MF, with thriller/mystery elements, I thought I'd probably end up self-publishing it eventually.

Then it called to me, but not as it was. It had changed.

It now insisted it was actually a BDSM book (which it had not been before) and suddenly, I saw a depth to the story I'd missed before.

Being a writer, especially a pantster like me, means stuff like this can happen.

So now I'm finishing the poor little orphan to submit to my publisher. And yes, as a BDSM story, one of the Suncoast Society world, it works FAR better than it did simply as a story with romantic elements to it.

And because it sat for several years, I'm seeing the story with a completely fresh eye. The skeleton of the story remains, but with this new element, the conflict is amped up immensely.

Long story short, a woman is attacked and at the beginning of the story she awakes from being in a coma several days, and has complete amnesia. Her fiance is immediately cleared because he was at work.

So there is a two-prong conflict now. He doesn't dare tell her up front they were a BDSM Master/slave couple. And most of their friends are in the lifestyle. (And yes, all your old favorites from the Suncoast Society books will be making walk-throughs, if not major appearances.) He has to try to help her regain her memories while winning her heart all over again, in addition to the psycho that's still on the loose and wants to kill her.

Yeppers, it's got me by the throat now as I'm going through the edit/writing process. I can't wait for y'all to get your hands on this one! :)

(Tymber's website is http://tymberdalton.com and her Suncoast Society books are available through Siren-BookStrand at http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton as well as at Amazon, Nook, Kobo, Apple, and other major third-party book retailers.)

Real-life poly menages: not all about the sexy.

"Oh, you're so lucky to have a Hubby and a Sir!"

*snort*

I hear that one a lot. No, I'm not kvetching, believe me, but I think people form an unrealistic view of a real-life poly relationship based on what they read. It's not a fraction as sexy as in the books. LOL

For starters, Sir and I are, first and foremost, devoted to our spouses and our marriages. Those always come first, including all the real-world ups and downs. And we're both very busy people. He has an incredibly demanding, high-stress job, and works a lot of hours. I'm a self-employed workaholic writer who works a lot of hours.

Starting to form a picture yet? LOL

I'd say it's safe to estimate that 90% of our relationship has nothing to do with sex. And that's a LOW estimate. It might be closer to 95%. We're friends first and foremost. And yes, we do love each other. If we didn't, we probably would have killed each other by now. LOL Over 75% of our relationship happens via text messages or email, because of our schedules. And the time we spend together, a lot of it is usually in a vanilla context (we shoot skeet once a week with friends, and He might stop by for dinner one night a week and we sit in front of the TV and just talk).

Still jealous? LOL

We have to juggle schedules, and how we feel (He is prone to migraines, I have fibro) and then, once or twice a month, we might be able to fit in some sexy/kinky time.

If we're lucky. LOL

Am I complaining? No, of course not. But if you write about that in a romance book, you won't sell many copies, will you? LOL

In the more than three years since Sir and I have been playing together, I can count on one hand with fingers left over how many times it's been a "menage" situation with Him and Hubby. And even then, that was more a scene with both of them topping me than it was "sexy time."

Again, I'm not complaining.

Here's the thing, we both have spouses who love us and trust us (key point) and know we have our priorities straight. They also understand we have interests that they don't have (kinky and vanilla). Instead of trying to force themselves to do what they don't like to do, they give us permission to go do them without them (again, kinky and vanilla both) and understand that when we come home, we come home happier, meaning our marriages are stronger in the long run for it. Meaning THEY (our spouses) are happier in the long run, because they are also free to pursue what they want without guilt of them holding us back, or resentment at forcing themselves to go along with us.

Make sense?

So yes, it's fun to write about all this wild and crazy smexy time with characters, but don't think everything I write is a reflection of what my sex life is like. LOL Because, believe me, in that regard, I'm pretty boring. :)

--


Tymber Dalton has a new release out today: Triple Trouble 5 - Out of Smoke and Ashes

http://www.bookstrand.com/out-of-smoke-and-ashes

Blurb:

Get books 1 and 2 in the Placida Pod series for $2.75 each when you purchase Out of Smoke and Ashes! All items must be in the cart at the same time when completing the transaction to apply this special offer.

[Siren Ménage Everlasting: Erotic Paranormal Ménage a Quatre Romance, M/F/M/M, shape-shifters, sex in shifted form, consensual BDSM between secondary M/F characters, HEA]

Elain Pardie’s wedding is interrupted when her matron of honor, Lina, goes into labor. Unfortunately, events spiral downhill from there for the Lyalls and their kin when an old foe refuses to roll over and play dead. As everyone suspected, Rodolfo Abernathy won’t give up.

What Abernathy doesn’t know is he’s become more prey than predator. Shifters with grudges of their own enter the fight with their sights set on Abernathy’s downfall.

When the fur hits the fan, it won’t be pretty.

While Elain and Lina struggle to cope with their new roles, various shifter Clans band together to fight their common enemies. Devastating heartaches are finally laid to rest as new love blossoms.

And Baba Yaga isn’t even done with them yet. Elain, Ain, Brodey, and Cail, along with their ever-growing band of friends and adopted family, must still confront those who’d gladly destroy all they love as evil and vengeance once again return from Out of Smoke and Ashes.

Note: There is no sexual relationship or touching for titillation between or among siblings.

A Siren Erotic Romance

Tymber Dalton is a Siren-exclusive author.

--

The correct order to read all of the Triple Trouble books and prequels is:

"Boiling Point" (Tasty Treats, Vol. 3)
Steam
Fire and Ice
Trouble Comes in Threes (Triple Trouble 1)
Storm Warning (Triple Trouble 2)
Three Dog Night (Triple Trouble 3)
Triple Dog Dare (Triple Trouble 4)
Out of Smoke and Ashes (Triple Trouble 5)


You can find all her Siren releases as Tymber Dalton, Lesli Richardson, Macy Largo, and Tessa Monroe on her Siren page at:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton

And you can find her on the web at:

http://tymberdalton.com
http://twitter.com/TymberDalton
http://facebook.com/tymberdalton
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymberDalton_updates/
https://plus.google.com/118382222849341409443/

"Real" men don't cause pain? Think again.

I saw a posting on a Facebook page for some asshat wannabe Dom who, among other things, claims that "real men" don't hurt women.

Huh?

I'm sure that would come as a HUGE shock to all the pain sluts out there. And the sadists.

Yes, the guy did include a caveat about limits, but his overall message was that it shouldn't be about the pain.

Odd, because I have friends for whom it IS all about the pain. They wouldn't bottom if they weren't getting pain. They will bottom to friends with whom they don't have a romantic relationship with BECAUSE they want the pain their sadistic toppy friend can dish out.

Look, just because a guy throws up a Facebook page and claims to be a Dominant doesn't make it true.

No, a "real" Dom does NOT violate a hard limit or a safeword. Absolutely they don't.

But cause pain? Um, yeah. There are countless sadists out there who are involved in BDSM BECAUSE they enjoy inflicting pain.

Here's how you can tell a "real" Dominant in the lifestyle from an asshat poser -- the REAL Dominant, if they have any experience under their belt, will be honest that there are some kinks that are not their kinks, but are still valid kinks.

Being into BDSM for the pain IS a valid kink. Might not be your kink, but it doesn't make it any less valid.

YKINMK - Your Kink Is Not My Kink.

THIS is why I have a HUGE problem with the "won twue way" fucktards who preach to people who have NO clue what BDSM is, and they get these people fawning all over them because it's nothing more than an ego stroke for the Facebook "dominant" handing out bullshit they think their audience wants to hear.

"Real" BDSM is frequently NOT pretty. People LOVE to show off their bruises and marks. There are many submissives (myself included) who LOVE having bruises and marks to show after a session. In fact, I tend to get pissed off at Sir if He doesn't leave at least a few marks on me. If I'm taking the pain (and I'm not a pain slut) then dammit, I want something to remember it by. LOL

So when you see someone spouting information and not acknowledging that there ARE other ways of practicing BDSM, that's a HUGE red flag the person is a poser, fucktard, douche canoe, or other flavor of someone to stay FAR away from.

Amazon buys Goodreads (put away the pitchforks).

Yes, I know, some people view Amazon as something akin to the Anti-Christ. However, they're not all that bad. (Not like, oh, say, Monsanto.)

Yes, Amazon's buying Goodreads. No, it doesn't mean the end of Goodreads as you know it. I've written a blog post to summarize it, along with providing several relevant links on the matter to help you suss out the truth and make your own decision.

The sky's not falling, and Amazon doesn't (always) eat their young.

~Tymber~

To radical feminists who hate BDSM: Fuck. You.

On one of the email lists I'm on, someone posted a blog entry sent to them. The short version is the blog was written by a radical feminist who claims that anyone who practices BDSM is a misogynistic asshole (the male Dominant) or a delusional, weak, misled woman (the submissive).

Really? REALLY? This is 2013. Do we REALLY have to keep having these kinds of discussions?

The basic tenets of BDSM are trust and communication. Are there abusive assholes? Sure there are, just like there are in vanilla land. And the abusive assholes can be of either gender.

The radical feminists who refuse to see that BDSM is a legitimate choice in both relationship dynamics as well as sexual practices are no better than the radical right-wing anti-gay evangelicals, or the radical extremists of any religion. The radical feminists who put down the choice to participate in BDSM are small-minded, ignorant pinheads who refuse to educate themselves or talk to people one-on-one who participate in BDSM. They are the intellectual equivalent of the Westboro Baptist Church protesters.

Look, my choice might not be your choice, but as a BDSM switch I can unequivocally state that I am NOT abused, nor am I an abuser. As a slave and submissive, all I have to do is safeword and play immediately stops. As a top, if my submissive safewords, I immediately stop.

Tell me how many "abusers" are that considerate?

Radical feminists who abhor BDSM no doubt would be happy if we all just went to doing cowgirl position, coming before our men, and then rolling over to fall asleep without getting them off.

*snooorrreeeee*

Seriously? Do they think the end result of feminist activism is NOT having the choice to do what we want to do? Really?

You know what? So BDSM isn't your thing. That's cool, I get that. No problem.

My problem comes when some radical feminist who's never met me lays out a blanket statement saying I'm a misguided, abused fool when they don't know shit about me or my lifestyle.

I am a switch. I am a submissive. I am a collared slave. (And yes, there are "one twue wayers" out there whose heads just exploded, and to them I also say, "Fuck. You.")

You don't have to like what I do anymore than I have to like what you do. But here's a key difference--I offer you respect despite not agreeing with your choices.

Too bad you can't offer back the same. And that means you've wasted your opportunities to wallow in the mire of idiocy, level: Westboro Baptist.

Your thoughts?

--

Tymber Dalton is a screaming banshee moderately outspoken real-life participant in the BDSM lifestyle. Her website is http://tymberdalton.com and her sequel to The Reluctant Dom, The Denim Dom, will be released March 1, 2013, from Siren-BookStrand.

Random ramblings & catch-up news.

Happy Friday! I think the blog post title says it all. LOL I'll be spending a goodly chunk of my weekend at lifestyle events with Sir. (Third Saturdays are always busy for us with standing events we attend.)

--

I read a rant on Fetlife the other day from a Dom who made a pretty valid point, in my book. He talked about the Fifty Shades phenomenon, and how kudos to the author on her success, but that she did "'nillas" now looking to get into the lifestyle no favors by her portrayal of it. That there are people like him, "predators" (and he meant in a consensual, heavy sadist kind of way) who will make the hero of that book look like Mr. Rogers. That the "milder" form of BDSM she misrepresented is only one slice of an infinite pie of real-life BDSM. That people like him, who use extreme humiliation in their scenes, or heavy edge players who maybe do torture scenes, or interrogation scenes, etc. will likely scare the bejeeezus out of noobs who wander into the average dungeon or play party. That this influx of people expecting a kinder, gentler BDSM might try to "pc" and tame BDSM and make it more polite to fit their views of what it "should" be based on a series of books that weren't very true-to-life to begin with, and drive a wedge into the community.

You know, those are very valid points. I always caution people that they should never base their views of BDSM on any fictional work, because there is such an infinite variety of ways people play. There's a huge bell curve of people, with of course most falling in the center, but extremes on both ends. Sir and I are considered edge players in our group, and when we do our intros at the munch we frequent we joke the list of things we aren't into is usually easier than listing the things we are into.

Yes, I realize that most people are able to differentiate fantasy from reality. However, as the poster commented, someone whose only experience with BDSM is the FSoG series might be scared away from the lifestyle for good if they witnessed a scene with him dragging a screaming submissive into the middle of a dungeon while calling her horrible names and pissing on her. (Yes, consensually because she's a humiliation whore, so to speak.)

Thoughts?

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Facebook: I started a Facebook group for BDSM readers and authors (fiction and non-fic) this week. I was shocked when we hit 200 members by the next morning! It's a closed group, meaning posts aren't visible unless you're a member. Yes, promo is allowed (within reason) but the promo MUST involve a BDSM book/page. Please read the rules in the files section when you join.

http://www.facebook.com/groups/BDSMBibliophreaks/

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Update on Tony's (The Reluctant Dom, Domme by Default) story: Yes, I finally got Tony's story finished and turned in! The Denim Dom will be released by Siren-BookStrand on 3/1/13. Woot-woot! :) No cover yet, but here's the blurb:


Blurb:

Who needs leather when you can have denim? A denim Dom, that is.

Shayla Pierce dumped her lying ex and moved to Florida to start a job at a magazine. An assignment to write about BDSM leads her to discover a new world and make a slew of new friends, including the sinfully sexy Tony Daniels. She’s just not sure she can ever trust again.

Tony is used to teaching about BDSM, but he’s never trained a submissive he wasn’t dating before. After losing hope he’ll ever find the perfect submissive for him, Shayla walks into his life and asks him to train her for her series of articles. He knows about her bad break-up and their agreement is supposed to be nothing more than business. But as she raises the ante, he’s finding it harder to keep his heart under lock and key.

Will Shayla stay a hostage to her past, or allow Tony to become her Denim Dom?

Other books from this "world" and characters followed up by this book include:

The Reluctant Dom
Domme by Default
Safe Harbor
Cardinal's Rule

I've dubbed this group of stories "The Suncoast Society" and have several more books planned involving these and other characters.

They're all available at my author page on Siren-BookStrand's site:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton

You can go to my Siren-BookStrand author page and click on the Notify Me link to get an email from Siren when they update my page and add new books for pre-order. (It's also where you can find all my releases under my various pen names: Tymber Dalton, Lesli Richardson, Tessa Monroe, and Macy Largo.)

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Finally, I have a new release today! It's a Sweet Life is a prequel to my new Coffeeshop Coven series.


http://www.bookstrand.com/its-a-sweet-life

Blurb:

Libbie Addams has a mortgage on her struggling bakery, no love life, no health insurance…and fibromyalgia. She's worried about making ends meet when two hunks show up to rent her extra apartment. Not only do cousins Ken Dougherty and Charles Stackhouse make her money worries disappear, they offer to help out in their spare time.

They also make her panties damp. Too bad they're gay, but they’re great eye candy.

The men have a secret—they're not gay cousins. They're twin brothers hiding from a vengeful mob boss. Charles is Allan Donohue, a prosecutor with the State Attorney's office in Miami. Benjamin Donohue is the undercover detective who helped break the case wide open. Now they're marked for death.

They hope their ruse can keep them, and Libbie, safe. Because now that they've fallen in love with the delicious baker, they’ll never let her go. But when vengeance comes calling, will they ever get to enjoy their sweet life together?

--

It's a mfm contemporary with just a TINY hint of paranormal elements from secondary characters.The Coffeeshop Coven series will center around Many Blessings, the New Age shop introduced in my book, "Out of the Darkness." Not quite the heavy paranormal of my shifters and vampires, I'm hoping my contemporary fans will also enjoy this series.

If you haven't read "Out of the Darkness" yet, it's my 2010 EPIC winner that also provides some backstory for Many Blessings. You don't have to read it to read "It's a Sweet Life" or the rest of the series, but if you want the full backstory, you might enjoy it:

http://www.bookstrand.com/out-of-the-darkness

Thanks, and happy Friday, everyone!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from all of us here at the Playroom. May your day be filled with love, light, joy, blessings, and peace. Please celebrate safely, and here's a kinky Christmas video for your enjoyment. :)

It's beginning to look a lot like...

...cold and flu season. At least in my house. I picked up a bug I've been fighting for several days, and yesterday it decided to settle in. I think it's a cold, but figures, the one year I put off getting my flu shot and I get sick. So forgive me for taking the easy route today. LOL Besides, with my gargoyle home for the holidays, preparations for hosting Christmas dinner tomorrow, and a looming book deadline (yes, Tony's story is almost done) there's not a lot of kinky stuff going on in our home right now.

In fact, the kinkiest thing we've done lately was use a vibrator...on the fibro knots built up in my shoulder. (Now THAT'S kinky.)

RomanceUniversity.org has a great post today about Everything You Wanted to Know About Christmas, But Were Afraid to ask. (Although contrary to what it says, I would not recommend eating your Christmas tree. A lot of vendors spray paint theirs to keep them green long after their natural color has gone brown.)

D.C. McMillen has a sex toy that's gone rogue. (I hope it turns up before Christmas company arrives...)

Bayard & Holmes, those same people who offered great deals on their post-apocalyptic management services and tactical holiday products, also have a serious column about coping with holiday cheer in the face of loss.

* * *

I've got a new book coming in January from Siren-BookStrand, It's a Sweet Life, a standalone prequel in my Coffeeshop Coven menage series. If you haven't read my book Out of the Darkness yet, it's also a standalone prequel to the series.

My latest release was Out of Bight, Out of Mind, the fourth installment in my Deep Space Mission Corps series.

And Tony's story (The Denim Dom) that I'm working to finish, will also follow up with characters from The Reluctant Dom, Domme by Default, Safe Harbor, and Cardinal's Rule. So if you haven't read any of those books yet, you can kill some waiting time catching up there.

Happy Holidays!

(You can find Tymber on the web at http://www.tymberdalton.com, on Facebook at http://facebook.com/tymberdalton, and on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TymberDalton.)

BDSM Facts & Fallacies: Free-ranging subbies.

I'm going to do a series of quickie posts inspired by questions I get so frequently (or see others ask elsewhere) that they're practically turning into BDSM tropes. Unfortunately, the fact that they're so often used in BDSM fiction doesn't help shine light on the reality.

Today's topic: Free-ranging submissives

What do I mean by that?

Stop me if you've heard/seen this in a book before. A female submissive somehow accidentally (or on purpose) stumbles into a private BDSM club. Because there's no collar on her neck, some big, bad Dom (good guy or villain) grabs her and starts playing with her even if she's said no.

For starters, that's assault, not consensual BDSM play.

Secondly, the private clubs I've been to require membership, and usually have an outer lobby or office area you must pass through to check in. To join, it's commonly required you either have to be sponsored by someone who is already a member of good standing of the club, or you have to attend either an orientation class during non-play hours, or attend a sponsored munch or other event so they can get to know the prospective member.

Thirdly, the private clubs I've been to have dungeon monitors (DMs) on staff to watch play, and if a safeword is called out, they WILL step in and stop play. If they don't, someone else will. (If players are doing a heavy or consensual non-consent (CNC) scene, they will notify the DMs in advance so that their play is not interrupted, but the submissive will still have a safeword, usually.) It's common for the "dungeon" safeword to be RED, and if it's called out and play isn't stopped, people will step in to stop play.

I've been to fetish nights held at a bar, where the public is allowed in (provided they pay a cover charge). But these events usually include extra security, DMs, or bouncers who will also step in if someone yells something appearing to be a safeword.

You can also ask staff if they could introduce you to someone willing to mentor you, or at least talk to you for the night, or who could help answer your questions. All you have to do is ask.

I know a lot of submissives that go to events and don't wear collars. Yes, it's common for someone to come up and talk to a person, but dragging them off to play? No. All you have to do if you're asked to play is say, "Sorry, no thanks." If the person keeps bugging you, tell them to fuck off. If that doesn't work, find a DM/staffer and tell them what's up, and I can pretty much guarantee you the asshat will be escorted out.

If you're at a private play party at a home, keep in mind that someone taking the risk to host a play party is not going to risk getting sued or arrested later. So if someone screams a safeword, someone WILL step in, if nothing else to ascertain what the frak is going on. The private play parties I go to, everyone at the very least knows each other, and if something happens, more than one person will step in.

So feel free to check out a local dungeon or fetish event. You're not going to get dragged into a play scene you don't want to be in, and you won't be sold or auctioned off or whatever. Remember that fiction is FICTION and frequently bears little to no resemblance to real life.

Feel free to chime in with your comments, or any questions you'd like to see answered in future posts.

* * *

My latest release is "Out of Bight, Out of Mind," the fourth installment in my Deep Space Mission Corps series. You can find it and my other Siren-BookStrand releases under all my pen names at:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton


The correct reading order for the series is:

1) Love at First Bight
2) Bightmares
3) Spider Bight
4) Out of Bight, Out of Mind


Also, the first book in my Bleacke Shifter series, "Bleacke's Geek," is available on my website, Kindle, Nook, AllRomanceEbooks, Smashwords, and Kobo. You can find all the links HERE.

I have a chat list now, too! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymbersTrybe/

And you can find me on the web at:

http://tymberdalton.com
http://twitter.com/TymberDalton
http://facebook.com/tymberdalton
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymberDalton_updates/
https://plus.google.com/118382222849341409443/

Which switch is which?

I see questions all the time from writers who aren't in the lifestyle asking if a dominant (or submissive) would do X, Y, or Z in a given circumstance. "Is that something a Dominant would do?"

Well, considering there are no BDSM police out there keeing a Dom from doing the dishes, uh, yeah, they'd do it.

Here's the thing, people are people first in BDSM. (And for those of you who don't know it, I am in the BDSM lifestyle.)

It's fine for some "won twue wayers" to insist someone isn't a "real" Dom or sub or slave or whatever because they do/don't do ____.

I call bullshit.

This is real life. And frankly, in a D/s or M/s dynamic, if the Top wants to do something and it's not out of bounds based on the bottom's hard limits, they can do it. If they want to give their sub a massage or cook dinner or whatever, hey, knock yourselves out.

Anyone who is such an ass in their BDSM dynamic that they can't remember they are people first and not perfect little BDSM robots isn't someone I'd want to have in my circle of friends, quite honestly.

For example, I'm a switch. That means sometimes I like to top, sometimes I like to bottom. I started out as Hubby's top and owner. Over time, with my health issues, it's easier to step back and let him feel his toppy oats, and on occasion I'll bottom to him. In my default role with Sir, I'm His collared slave and submissive. (I am co-collared to Hubby and Sir.) Sir and pet. That, we've found over time and LOTS (and lots) of trial and error works best for us, especially mentally for me. When I'm in the mood (or have the energy for it) to be toppy, I tell Him. If He's in the mood to bottom, or even to be submissive (He's a masochist as well as a sadist), then great, we switch.

I'm sure that statement made someone's head somewhere explode with indignation. "You can't be a twue slave if you top! And he can't be a twue Dominant if he bottoms!"

Asshats.

The only person that has the right to define what someone should or shouldn't be in their dynamic is someone actually IN the dynamic.

Period.

We take great delight in keeping our friends guessing who is in which role at any given time. They've made a game out of it of trying to figure out who's in the driver's seat when we show up at an event. It's not always easy. Sir is a gear kind of guy, and He might be in full-on Dominant mode and yet be wearing a collar as well.

Why?

Because He WANTS to, that's why. That's my point. Likewise, when I'm in full-on Dominant mode, I'm always wearing my collar. Why? Because I WANT to.

See, don't ever forget that people in this lifestyle are in it voluntarily. Slavery is illegal in this and most other countries. So people in the lifestyle (as long as they aren't being abused) are in it because they want to be in it. They pick and choose their roles because they want them. Sir would not top me if I didn't want Him to. Not because I wouldn't let Him, but because HE has no interest in forcing me to do something.

Eh, well, unless of course we're playing at something and I've told Him I want Him to force me to do something as part of the play.

But that's getting into a whole 'nother conversation.

In other words, don't get caught up in rigid role boxes. Just like there are fluid gender roles, there are fluid D/s and M/s roles, even between people who aren't switches. When you add in the switch factor, you add even more to the mix.

And frankly, it's a lot more fun that way.

* * *

Aaannd on to other news...

*Snoopy dancing* It's release day for "Out of Bight, Out of Mind," the fourth (but not the last) installment in my Deep Space Mission Corps series from Siren-BookStrand. When I wrote the first book in the series back in 2009, I actually had to compose the manuscript on a teeny tiny little netbook, using a USB mouse and keyboard attached to it, because the screen on my main laptop died and had to get fixed. LOL

Now that's perseverance. LOL


http://www.bookstrand.com/out-of-bight-out-of-mind

Blurb:

[Siren Ménage Everlasting: Erotic Futuristic Sci-Fi Ménage a Quatre Romance, M/M/M/F, HEA]

Emi Hypatia loves her job exploring the galaxy with her three husbands, Aaron Lucio, Caph Bates, and Ford Caliban. When a nonhuman crewman is temporarily assigned to the Tamora Bight for a mission, Emi hates and mistrusts him at first sight due to what her empath training tells her.

Aaron, Caph, and Ford know Emi can't help what she feels about their temporary crewmate, Kayehalau. But they don't know if it's just the jump engines wigging her out, residual nerves from her fight on Kal'moran, or something else. They feel badly Kayehalau's presence on board makes her nervous, but orders are orders.

Emi knows Kayehalau is up to no good. She just has to prove it. It's soon apparent he wants to use her for a nefarious purpose. She turns the tables, but only after she's out of harm's way does her larger problem become apparent. Can Aaron, Caph, and Ford rescue her when she's left Out of Bight, Out of Mind?

A Siren Erotic Romance

Tymber Dalton is a Siren-exclusive author.

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The correct reading order is:

1) Love at First Bight
2) Bightmares
3) Spider Bight
4) Out of Bight, Out of Mind

You can find all my Siren releases as Tymber Dalton, Lesli Richardson, Macy Largo, and Tessa Monroe on my Siren page at:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton



And you can find me on the web at:

http://tymberdalton.com
http://twitter.com/TymberDalton
http://facebook.com/tymberdalton
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymberDalton_updates/
https://plus.google.com/118382222849341409443/