Showing posts with label Unexpected Top. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Unexpected Top. Show all posts

Monday, July 22, 2013

What's a kink?

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably think you know what a kink is. But do you really? How about a fetish, for that matter? Is there a difference?

According to the website BDSM Cafe (http://bdsmcafe.com/resource/glossary/gloss-x.html) there is a difference. But what is it?

From the KinkForAll website:

The words "kink" or "kinky" are ambiguous, lending themselves to an inclusive and open environment. They also specifically refer to non-mainstream, unconventional or unusual sexuality. Since some people reflexively associate "kink" with specific ideas (but not necessarily the same ideas), here are various definitions of the word from several sources: 

  • "sexual priority known as being very subjective, and suceptible to be misunderstood or stereotyped by others" [sic.]
  • "Doing in bed what others only think about." 
  • "wierd/cool, usually in respect to sex"
  • "something which is abnormal but good in a sexual way" 


So where does that leave us? With a lot of questions, that's where! Let's see if we can answer some:

1. Am I kinky?

Probably, yes. Perhaps not to the extent of practitioners of the BDSM lifestyle, but if you enjoy being blindfolded in bed, having your hair pulled, or getting an occasional smack on the ass during sex, you're at least a little bit kinky.

2. Should I tell potential bed partners I'm kinky?

Entirely up to you. I'd say if your level of kink leans more toward the stuff in the first answer, probably not necessary. But if you plan to show up for sex in a Chewbacca costume, yeah, that's something your potential lover might want to be aware of.

3. How do I get someone to become kinky?

Oh, boy. The million dollar question. Personally, I don't think you can force someone to be kinky or do kinky things. It seems like that would create tension in a relationship. Some people just aren't cut out for it, no matter how mild you think what you're asking them to do is. On the other hand, if you start small and work your way up, paying attention to their reactions to things you ask for or do to them, I believe there are people who will open their minds to more adventuresome activities.

4. Is what I like kink or a fetish?

According to BDSM cafe, a fetish is a fixation, usually sexual, on an activity or object. I think the important word here is fixation. Kinksters like to do some things vanilla people don't, but people with fetishes can become obsessed by them.


Are things less ambiguous now? Did you learn anything? ;-)

Take a look at the five-star review my latest BDSM book, Unexpected Top, just got from Long and Short Reivews: http://www.longandshortreviews.com/book-reviews/unexpected-top-by-cassandra-carr/

For more about me or my books, visit my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.


Thursday, February 21, 2013

Is there an age requirement to be a good Dom?

Recently I've been reading a lot about the age of Doms and how many people would never consider someone under the age of, for instance, thirty years old to be a "real Dom". Most of the reasons given for this opinion have to do with maturity and experience. I agree, to a certain extent. I've seen men on sites like FetLike who are 18, 20 etc and calling themselves Doms. At that young, it doesn't seem to me that a man can be everything a Dom should be. I believe Doms do need to have a certain amount of life experience before they can be a good Dom. But what's the "magic number"? Is there one?

In the book I'm writing currently, my Dom is twenty-seven. He's one of the youngest Doms I've ever written. I think Conner from Impact was between twenty-five and twenty-eight, but Jack from Caught and Ryan from Master Class were both in their thirties. Will has a few insecurities/hang-ups/whatever you want to call them because he isn't quite as emotionally mature as my older Doms. I'm not a big fan of writing the uber-Dom anyway, so my Doms tend to have doubts, but in Will's case some of his even stem from the idea that he's not sure he NEEDS BDSM in his life. Can he be happy without it if his lover isn't into it?

How much experience does a man need before he can fully grasp the crucial aspects of BDSM - particularly the psychological aspects? (By the way, I use man as a catch-all - the same points go for women as Dommes.) Can someone who's only a few years out of college really understand and be able to translate into practice all the nuances of BDSM?

I'm not saying they can't - just posing the question. So what do you think?

I released Unexpected Top on January 18th, and it's got a bit of a different slant to BDSM. The heroine initiates a female-led relationship (similar to Taken in Hand) to try to save her marriage. For more information on that or any of my other books, check out my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

-- Cassandra

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Yes, my books are educational. What of it?

Recently and in the past reviewers have remarked about how some of my BDSM books seem sort of educational. It's not that the scenes aren't hot, but they feel like I over-explain things a little. And you know what? That's just fine with me.

Why?

Because there's a lot to BDSM, including a whole lot of safety issues. And I would feel terrible if someone read one of my books and then hurt themselves because I put something unsafe in it or didn't talk about the things you should do to make sure you're playing safely.

As a "for instance", I have a wax play scene in my recent release, Master Class. As the Dom and sub are talking about the scene beforehand, the sub mentions there are special candles (the Dom is new and the sub is experienced) that you use for wax play. I did that because I read a BDSM book within the past year (meaning it's not an old release) where the Dom used regular household candles. Ow.

I know a lot of authors don't think it's their responsibility to educate about BDSM in their books, and that's okay, but I don't agree. I would rather have readers and reviewers alike mention the detail I go into about safety and education than the alternative.

What do you think the responsibility for both readers and authors alike is when it comes to BDSM? I'm totally open to hearing differing opinions. That's what makes the world go 'round. Tell me your thoughts in the comments section.

Oh, and before I let you go, I have two BDSM releases- Master Class and Unexpected Top. Here are the blurbs for both. More info is on my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

Master Class:

Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

Unexpected Top:
Sometimes a wife has to go to extreme measures to save her marriage. When Cissy Holden doesn't feel appreciated, she takes matters into her own hands--literally--and introduces her wayward husband Len to the concept of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Will Len be on board with FLR, or has Cissy just made the biggest mistake of her life?

-- Cassandra

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Ten ways to tell if your man might be kinky

I was talking to a friend, who shall remain anonymous, and I was asking him about BDSM. He mentioned he didn't know if he was interested in it or not because he'd never been exposed to it. After my brain exploded with all the fun ways to introduce someone to BDSM (he's just a friend, but hey, I can fantasize), I started thinking about how, if you were in a new relationship, you might be able to figure out if your new man might be kinky. This is going to be a partially serious post, with a few tongue-in-cheek things thrown in, because it's been a long day and I have to entertain myself some way.

How to tell if your man might be kinky (or at least open to a discussion about it):


  1. You've noticed him spending a lot of time staring at your ass with his palm twitching.
  2. He doesn't hide that he watches porn.
  3. He owns some sort of sex toy or toys, even so-called tame ones.
  4. You climb on top and grab his hands, pulling them over his head, and he doesn't freak out.
  5. During doggy-style sex, he slaps your ass.
  6. He seems comfortable with dirty talk, especially dirty talk from you.
  7. When you mention him backing you into the wall/watching you in the mirror/etc, he grins, rather than apologizing.
  8. He owns or has at least seen and not been disgusted by movies like Secretary, 9 1/2 Weeks...
  9. You come home one day to find your ereader loaded with erotic romance, because he's figured out if you're horny it might be to his benefit.
  10. When you tell him a story about a friend of yours having sex with her boyfriend in some at least semi-public place, he thinks it's hot rather than that they should've been arrested.
How else can you tell if a man might be kinky? Give us more suggestions in the comments!
-- Cassandra

By the way, I've got some BDSM books coming out soon! Master Class is releasing on December 11th.

Here's the blurb:
Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

And Unexpected Top is coming out on January 18, 2013.

Here's the blurb:
Sometimes a wife has to go to extreme measures to save her marriage. When Cissy Holden doesn't feel appreciated, she takes matters into her own hands--literally--and introduces her wayward husband Len to the concept of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Will Len be on board with FLR, or has Cissy just made the biggest mistake of her life?