Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Creativity Dom Style

One of the things I find fascinating in BDSM is the creativity. Not only does it spice things up when it comes to play, but it also makes punishments/correction more personal. I had a Dom tell me once that spankings are fine for general infractions, but specific crimes are better corrected with specific punishments. It was something that has stuck with me and that I use in my writing.

A submissive friend of mine once told me that she used to have a problem with mouthing off to her Dom. If you know anything about most Doms, that is something most don't take kindly too and usually don't allow to continue for long. Her Dom wasn't any different. Instead of spanking her or giving her some other generic form of punishment, he drove his point home by having her hold a live goldfish in her mouth. She recalled to me how it felt flopping around inside her mouth. The correction was unique, it had relevance to the situation, and it made the point of the importance of controlling her words and tone.

I love using this creativity in my writing. In Slave, Brianna was caught not paying attention, so Stephan took her books away from her. It amazes me how many of my readers who are not in the lifestyle react to this correction. Most were outraged that he would take her book away from her, her most prized possession at the time. But I say to them, that's the point. In order for correction or punishment to be effective, it has to be something that is not pleasant for the submissive. What is taken away or what is done has to be tailored to the individual and the situation because every person is different and no one reacts the same.

How to come up with creative corrections/punishments can be a challenge in and of itself and it takes practice and experience no matter if you are an author writing it or a Dom/me living it. As a writer, however, you have a little more time to think things through as you don't have a naughty sub sitting there waiting for your sentence.

Where to start?

First, you need to look at the overall situation. What is the state of the character's relationship? Have they been together for a while? Has trust been built or is everything still new and tentative?

Once that is established, look at the crime. Was it intentional or a misunderstanding? If a submissive intentionally and with all knowledge breaks a rule, they must be dealt with more harshly than one that has accidentally taken a miss step .

The best punishments are the ones that leave a lasting impression of the lesson. It doesn't matter if it is something as simple as a writing assignment or a cold shower; the point is that it teaches, it corrects, and it deters.

If you are in the lifestyle, have you either given or been given any creative punishments? And authors, what are some of the more creative corrections/punishments you've written?

(Sherri Hayes is the author of one BDSM novel, Slave (Finding Anna Book 1). More information can be found on her blog


  1. I always wonder who punishes the Dom when he screws up, and they always do, sooner or later.

  2. Goldfish in the mouth? Eww. That definately punishment. Question is, how long did she have to keep it in her mouth? Even one second would bring me to submission and all my back talking would end.

  3. Goldfish? Nasty. Doms aren't perfect they make mistakes too. As the saying goes we're only human.

  4. Why does no one feel sorry for the goldfish?

    Oh and Sherri, seeing how I write fantasy I get to create devious and unusual punishments.
    In Iron Dominance, Claire ends up walking about with a 'voltaic' -read electric zappy thing attached to her nipples and clit for a few hours and is thus kept just on the verge of orgasm.

    Wasn't really that bad a punishment and the 'true' punishment was something else. Had fun devising it though.

  5. As long as these doms don't stick the subs' pigtails in the inkwell. Or put a frog in their purses.

  6. Pogonip,
    It depends on how bad the screw up. I've heard of other Doms taking another to the carpet if its something major, or blackballing them from the community even. For minor things, Doms, well good Doms, usually do a decent job of policing themselves. Also, I might point out that unless they are sadists, very few Doms enjoy actually punishing their subs. Correction isn't so bad because it isn't as harsh, but punishment, real punishment of a sub can take an emotional, if not physical toll on the Dom as well.

    Frogs in purses? Pigtails in inkwells?

    I don't know how long she had to keep it in her mouth. She never said. But I have a feeling that even if it were only 30 seconds, it would feel much longer to the person experiencing it.

    lol. I don't know. If he then didn't allow her to cum that sounds like a decent punishment to me. But yes, with writing fantasy, it would give you more flexability in a lot of things, especally creative punishments.

  7. A creative punishment that comes to mind is not letting the sub shave her armpits. Haha! I know it sounds funny, but it works 'cause the sub in question *hates* hair in that area. *g* Though, I think having books taken away would be much worse!

  8. Did the goldfish survive? I'd hate to have to explain that to my kids. (Plus, ewwww!) It would be like that commercial where the parents are making sushi with the daughter's goldfish.

    The worst punishment to me is being forced to talk through/analyze anything.

  9. Awesome post and something to definitely think about as I write!

  10. Great post, Sherri!

    As for fantasy vs contemporary BDSM fiction, approaching punishments can be very different. There's so many things to consider--but I definitely like the idea of it fitting the crime

    As for Doms being punished, I agree with the comments above about them not enjoying handing out punishments, but I also think it has something to do with what the sub needs from the relationship. For many the limits give a sense of security. They need to know it's not just a game.

    Time to see how creative my new Dom can be! ;)

  11. There's a wide gap between the Doms portrayed in our favorite fiction, and those in "real life." Many of you lovely authors caution your readers, which is an excellent thing, as the world of BDSM, just like the "real world," is full of sharks. Many Doms and Masters are self-styled, and have no interest in the subs' needs, indeed, some are far more interested in their financial resources, or their entertainment value. Just as in the "vanilla world" it is essential to exercise due diligence before getting involved.

  12. Excellent point Pogonip. If you're ever interested in doing a guest post on this contact me on facebook and we'll chat, or via my gmail

  13. personally i don't think there's anything wrong with calling a dom out on his mistake. maybe not in the moment, but later on, sitting down in a responsible way and explaining that whatever happened made me feel (scared, hurt, mad, whatever). and they should have to make atonement. even if it's just an apology and a cuddle. everyone is human. even the big, bad dom.

    i don't have many creative punishments to share cause i don't act out *bats eyelashes innocently*

    biggest "punishment" would be lack of attention. or orgasm withholding.


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