Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Role Reversal in D/s

I've been thinking lately about role reversal, and why there are so many female subs (at least in erotic romance, lol) and male Doms. Is it because it's expected that the woman will be the submissive one? Do women have more interest in submitting? Do men feel like if they submit they'll be less of a man?

All of the above, to a certain extent, I think.

Women, traditionally, have been the submissive sex, the ones with less power, certainly with less strength. Despite the strides women have made in equality over the past hundred years or so, I think many still consider them the lesser sex. They're still paid less, they still hold less upper management positions, and they're still the ones who do the majority of the housework (in most households) even if they hold down a full-time job.

Are women more interested in submitting? Maybe. After all, they say one of the things that might make a woman want to submit is wanting to give up control, because many women are in charge of home and family and it's nice to give control away for a change.

And then we have men. Ah yes, men. We love them, don't we? But it's a fact many men have fragile egos, and that might stand in the way of them submitting to a woman. They think people will consider them weak, or a pussy, or whatever bad adjective you'd like to add here. A lot of the guys who feel this way probably don't understand the sub actually has all the power in a D/s relationship. Nothing can be done to a sub (or shouldn't be done) without their consent.

So what do you think? Why are there so many more female subs?

-- Cassandra

For more information about me or my books, check out

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Try it at home with RACK?

RACK-Risk Aware Consensual Kink

I'm sure few people would argue that adding a little spice to your sex life can be done without a great big manual on safety. The risks of doing serious damage while giving a hand spanking are minimal. After all, some people spank their little kids! And light bondage is fairly harmless. A soft silk scarf around your wrists isn't likely to cause any nerve damage. Unless it's tied too snug for too long. And handcuffs are fun to play with. As long as you don't lock them to tight, because, with the wrong type of handcuffs, you'll have to tighten them even more to get them off.

Common sense, right?

The thing is, while some things in BDSM DO fall under the SSC (safe, sane, and consensual) credo, others may slip over the lines of what is considered Safe or Sane. Technically, you can do any BDSM style activity at home. Some things, like fireplay, are better suited to a controlled environment with the supervision of at least one experienced person, but people have gone online and decided they were ready for a nice fiery scene in their backyard after skimming over some instructions.

To me, this is neither safe or sane, and it's definitely not risk aware. But not everyone wants to go to a workshop before trying out all that fun stuff they've read about in all those now trendy BDSM romance books! Shibari sounds fun and easy! If you were a Girl or Boy Scout, you can probably tie some nifty knots! Your handy dandy husband can put up some solid hooks in the ceiling and 'Wheeee!'

Passing out could ruin the moment. Broken bones and dislocated joints make it a little difficult to reach the BIG O. Unless you're a masochist, but I've yet to get off hard enough that it's worth being laid up for weeks. Could happen though!

If you're not the type of person who needs to read the instructions about hairdryers in showers, you've no doubt figured out most of this stuff for yourself already. And what you'd really like to know is whether or not you can explore the edgier stuff in the comfort of your own house.

IMO--and I am no expert, but I HAVE done my share of research and spoken to several experienced people in the lifestyle--you can absolutely do MOST of the edgy stuff at home. But here's the catch. You should be fully aware of the risks and able to deal with the possibility of something going wrong. Many BDSM clubs have someone on hand who knows CPR. You should at least know the basics. The legal ramifications of injury or death during a scene are also good to know. Consent only goes so far if you can be charged with negligence. If someone is putting their life in your hands, you better make damn sure you're worthy of that kind of trust.

For things like electroplay, needleplay, suspension and anything else that involves more than a bit of slap and tickle, it's a very good idea to get as much education as you can, in every form possible. Once you learn everything you need to know, the risks are reduced. If you absolutely refuse to go to a workshop, at least pick up a few good books on your kink of choice, find some instructional videos, and if possible, get in touch with someone on fetlife that has some experience (someone in the business of making violet wands for example who has a good reputation) and ask questions. I've found that people in the lifestyle are often willing to offer advice to those who are willing to learn.

If you're doing something risky with your partner at home without the kind of supervision you'd have at a workshop, I strongly suggest starting slow. Partial suspension for a couple of minutes (Yes, just a couple--work your way up to longer. Wheee! Comes later), the lowest setting on the wand or the TENS, 25 gauge needles until you're comfortable with using them and ready to work up to a bigger size.

I mentioned fireplay before. Honestly, I don't know much about it, but from what I do know, I really wouldn't suggest it as your first 'do it at home' project. There's also whips which few people have the space for and can be very dangerous in the wrong hands.

One of my personal favorite types of edge play, besides impact play, is breath play. It is VERY unlikely that you'll find a workshop on how to do this safely because of the legal ramifications. I could be wrong, but I do know this is a highly debated form of play and many will tell you not to do it. EVER. I'm going to tell you the same, because I don't want to get sued :P

When I do it, it's with someone I trust and the pressure on my throat is minimal. Always up under the chin or at the base of the throat. Hand over mouth and nose is interesting too. It's a rush. It's also very dangerous and I've informed myself as to how long it's reasonably safe to have someone else controlling your air. But I'm not going to tell you, because, like I said, you shouldn't do it at all. 

The point is, whatever it is you're going to try, be aware of the risks. If you're aware of them, you can make an informed decision and do your best to keep yourself and your play partner from the kind of harm you're being warned against. Remember, the warnings are there because these things have happened. Sometimes even to people who did everything right.

Did I scare you away? No? Good! <g> Have fun and play nice!

If I did scare you, how about I give you a guaranteed way to enjoy all kinds of kink without risking anything more than a papercut? Or maybe a shock from your ereader. ;)


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Impact wins Book of the Month from BDSM Book Reviews!

I'm so excited! BDSM Book Reviews posted a 5-paddle review for Impact and that made it eligible for Book of the Month. And it won! Now it'll go up against the other 11 monthly winners for Book of the Year. Here's an excerpt from the review. The full review is here, and the announcement is here.

I got hooked on Impact from the very beginning.  It drew me in and made me ache for a little of what Jessica got. Impact will make you laugh and make you sweat as the pages in this book are scorching hot. I have to give this story a high rating because it was well written and sucked me in so well that I was late to work because I just had to finish one more chapter! Impact isn’t hard core BDSM, but there is enough D/s to make sure you know its there. I highly recommend picking up this first book in the Buckin’ Bull Riders series –just be careful you don’t burn yourself!

For more information about me or my books, check out my website at

Friday, June 1, 2012

Let Me Introduce Myself...

Hi, I’m Nichelle Gregory and I like BDSM.


It has taken me years to get to the point where I feel comfortable enough to make such an admission. I’ve always been drawn to the stories where the heroine is either forced to submit or does so willingly as passion overrules and takes over. I’ve always loved the books where the hero got a little rough with the sassy damsel in protest.

I found I turned the pages faster when clothes and panties were wrenched off...when the heroine fought against her desires until she was forced to face them.

Forget the kind words...the sweet nothings whispered in the ear...

Give me a hero who talks dirty and fucks hard and I’ll turn those pages faster than you can say ‘nipple chains’.

Not all of my stories contain BDSM elements. I do enjoy reading and writing romance without it, but I’m no longer timid or afraid to admit I like BDSM.

Doll is my first published D/s erotic romance and this story will always be special to me because it marks a turning point in my life as an author no longer afraid to explore and pen BDSM tales! Look for more sizzlin' hot D/s tales from me soon!

For now, I leave you with an excerpt from Doll.

Enjoy and it's nice to 'meet' you!

Blurb: She's only allowed to say, 'yes' and 'please'...

Rena Venoy has finally become a sex doll. For the next forty-eight hours, giving and receiving pleasure is her only purpose, fulfilling sexual fantasies her primary goal. That's until she sets her heart on becoming Raiden's one and only doll. To get her wish, he must bestow the ultimate honour she seeks and claim her as his. When she breaks a rule, Rena is devastated. Will Raiden chose her after all?


"Congratulations, Rena. You've graduated, earning the coveted title of sex doll in a remarkably short span of time. You've been a delight to teach."

Rena bowed her head. "Thank you, Mistress Belle." She met the blue gaze fixed on her and blushed as feelings of pride and excitement rushed through her.

"Although this may seem redundant, it's still necessary for me to go over the rules. You do understand you will not be physically harmed at any time during your forty-eight-hour session?" She tapped a lacquered fingernail against her full ruby lips.

"Yes." Rena swallowed hard, her gaze dropping to the strawberry-hued nipples in full display as the half-naked blonde wrote on her clipboard. She admired everything about the woman's effortless sensual poise. A sliver of anticipation and nervousness skittered down her spine as she stiffened her own posture beneath the blonde's hard scrutiny.

"You understand the use of your safe word?" She pivoted in golden stilettos and walked back to her desk.

"Yes." Rena's gaze dipped to the glimpses of Mistress Belle's rounded, naked ass visible beneath the black latex micro-mini skirt hugging her hips. The woman's confidence and beauty took her breath away.

"You understand if you choose to use your safe word all activities cease and you will be free to go?" She lifted one perfectly arched eyebrow as she turned around.

Rena shifted her weight in her three-inch stilettos. "I understand." But I don't intend to use it. Her heart hammered in her chest at the unknown possibilities of what such 'activities' she'd be taking part in she'd be tempted to change her mind about.

"Finally, you understand the only words you'll be allowed to say are 'yes' and 'please'."

Rena nodded.

"You must verbalise your agreement, Ms Venoy."

"I agree."

Mistress Belle placed her hands on her hips and smiled. "Good. Take off your robe."

This is it, my last moment to walk away…

A moment passed as both women studied the other.

This was her gift to herself. She wasn't backing out now.

© Nichelle Gregory 2012 

* * * * 

Doll is available now with Total E-Bound Publishing!
Wanna read a little more? 
Author Bio:

Nichelle Gregory has been in love with books and writing since middle school. A lover of the arts, she enjoys anything that embraces the creative nature within us all. Bringing believable characters to life that thrill and excite her readers is a challenge that continues to push Nichelle. She loves creating stories involving super sexy alpha heroes with divine heroines in magical, exotic, and fantastic scenarios. 
So, gone on . . . Indulge your secret fetishes and desires with one of her simply sexy stories! 

~ I love connecting with readers, so don't be a stranger!