My follower's questions were, "How can you balance a BDSM relationship with being in public? For instance, how do you stealthily show your relationship without being obvious?"
Some excellent questions. Overall, I think it comes down to how, as a submissive, you treat your Dominant, and the other way around. Respect on both sides is important, not just from the submissive to the Dom. Also, there are a lot of rules that work as well in public as they do in the privacy of home, like how to dress, what the submissive is not allowed to eat, etc. Simply abiding by these rules, even when in public, is in keeping with your BDSM relationship.
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| You don't have to use a collar like this all the time, you know... Creative Commons Andre SC - http://www.flickr.com/photos/57926608@N00/ |
More overt signs of a BDSM relationship, but ones that can still be subtle, are collars that don't look like collars. Any piece of jewelry, or even a tattoo or the life, can be a collar. It's all in what it means to the sub and her Dom. You don't have to have a ten-pound padlock on the collar for it to be called a collar. Even a string of pearls or a diamond ring can be a collar.
I'm sure there are more ways to signify or honor a BDSM relationship in public, but these are just a few. What other methods can you think of? Feel free to tell me in the comments.
-- Cassandra
http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com
Sir got me a pretty little triskellion that hangs on a bracelet that looks like a little chain. I never take it off. It's a constant reminder of our love for each other.
ReplyDeleteGreat Article Cassandra
ReplyDeleteI have a collar that isn't - it's a rope chain with a star pendant that i never remove. Master also has me trained with hand signals so that I know if/when he needs something. It's a simple matter of still paying attention to him while engaging in conversation and such with others. The hardest thing for me is to call him by his given name and not slip and call him Master...i've only done that once and it was embarrassing to say the least.
Everyone has their limits and what is or isn't acceptable. When our relationship first started, I would ask questions before we went somewhere....if i was allowed to eat and drink freely, did he expect me to light his cigarettes like normal...each place we went garnered different responses until we developed a rhythm.
Great post!! This was one of the harder obstacles that my Sir and i encounter, especially when we are with our vanilla friends and family. However, we have sign language that we use to communicate. If we are eating, I still follow the rules. I wait for permission, control my portions, and make sure Sir has enough to drink. I still serve him.
ReplyDeleteMaintaining our D/s hierarchy is very important to us. I wear the day collar that my Sir chooses for me that day. I check in during lunch and on my way home from work. I wear what my Sir wants me to wear. This keeps me in my space.
Mel
Great post Cassandra, and great answers by the previous comments. I can't say that I know anyone that lives the lifestyle and if they do, they don't publicly show it. I like the hand signals that were mentioned as well as finding your own rhythm.
ReplyDeleteGreat topic. Before R and I expanded our relationship from the public dungeon to "private play" as we first called it, R gave me certain ground rules. First of all, Besides His rules, he knew that I wanted reminders of our relationship when we were out in public, i.e. to wear some kind of rope bondage under my vanilla clothes.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, the first time I went to see Him t his house, He gave me very explicit instrucitons for how He wanted me to dress while I was travelling to His house. When I received the directions by email, I got so turned on by them! He told me what to wear, what to bring with me, which car to sit on in the train, eyc. As soon as we sat in his car, He told me about His ground rules, such as, when we are in a car, He will always buckle me in to my seat belt and release me and to ask using eye contact, if I can go to the bathroom. He described it as simple rules to remind me that He has control of my body no matter where we are. The little brat in me asked, well what if I'm driving? He simply said that it made no difference and then He gave me thrack on my butt for being a smart ass!
My master and I are just finding that we both have had this hidden in us for many years. Not until we met each other did I know I liked receiving pain and he liked to give it to me...this has been very helpful to me as I rely start to figure out who I am as a sub.
ReplyDelete