Wednesday, October 24, 2012

How to bring up the topic of BDSM to your man in 5 easy steps

With the recent popularity of the BDSM book-that-must-not-be-named (which we all know isn't really a BDSM book anyway), I've heard several women discussing how they could approach their significant others about wanting to get kinky. First of all, I applaud you for trying something different, but if you don't want to try it, don't. There's nothing wrong with having no desire to be kinky.

But if you do want to delve into the world of kink, and you don't want to do it alone, here are some ways to approach your man:
Maybe not start out with these...
Creative Commons by -JvL-
http://www.flickr.com/photos/-jvl-/

  1. Buy a book and either leave it where he'll see it or directly show it to him. I'm not talking about buying the aforementioned book, but rather something like SM 101- A Realistic Introduction, or The Ultimate Guide to Kink.
  2. Buy a toy, and do the same thing - leave it out or show it to him. Start small (not literally) here, people. Don't go for the single tail or the eight-inch butt plug right off the bat, or you'll scare the hell out of most men. Try a little paddle. Handcuffs. Maybe a vibrating toy.
  3. Start a discussion, without buying a book or a toy. Some people feel more comfortable assessing their man's interest level before spending money, and that's a great way to approach this.
  4. Rent a movie with some BDSM elements. Secretary is a good one to start with, though the BDSM is really pretty tame.
  5. Suggest he read one of our books! (Sorry, had to throw that in there...)
Can you think of other ways to approach a significant other? Tell me in the comments!

-- Cassandra
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownOctober 24, 2012 at 5:47 AM

    Many years ago I asked my husband what his darkest fantasy was. He finally admitted after much embarrassment it was the normal guy "thing" of having me and another woman in bed. I asked if I gave him his fantasy would he give me mine. Mine was to be tied up in bed. Our BDSM lifestyle went from there. I think asking about that deep dark fantasy is a great place to start and it worked for me.

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    Replies
    1. Cassandra CarrOctober 24, 2012 at 6:10 AM

      That is an interesting method, Holly! And you never know what you'll find out. :-P

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  2. UnknownOctober 24, 2012 at 3:38 PM

    I approached this a year ago with my husband by "accidentally" uploading one of my books onto his reader. He then started his own research and ...WOW....has our life changed! YAY! We are still continuing on our journey, but it was the best decision I ever made.
    Mel

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  3. Drmgrl99 - DawnOctober 30, 2012 at 4:42 PM

    I just straight out asked one night... Spank me, hold me down, and tie me up ;) worked well for me. I have had him read somethings and he just laughs mostly but he indulges me in my need for it.

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