Which switch is which?

I see questions all the time from writers who aren't in the lifestyle asking if a dominant (or submissive) would do X, Y, or Z in a given circumstance. "Is that something a Dominant would do?"

Well, considering there are no BDSM police out there keeing a Dom from doing the dishes, uh, yeah, they'd do it.

Here's the thing, people are people first in BDSM. (And for those of you who don't know it, I am in the BDSM lifestyle.)

It's fine for some "won twue wayers" to insist someone isn't a "real" Dom or sub or slave or whatever because they do/don't do ____.

I call bullshit.

This is real life. And frankly, in a D/s or M/s dynamic, if the Top wants to do something and it's not out of bounds based on the bottom's hard limits, they can do it. If they want to give their sub a massage or cook dinner or whatever, hey, knock yourselves out.

Anyone who is such an ass in their BDSM dynamic that they can't remember they are people first and not perfect little BDSM robots isn't someone I'd want to have in my circle of friends, quite honestly.

For example, I'm a switch. That means sometimes I like to top, sometimes I like to bottom. I started out as Hubby's top and owner. Over time, with my health issues, it's easier to step back and let him feel his toppy oats, and on occasion I'll bottom to him. In my default role with Sir, I'm His collared slave and submissive. (I am co-collared to Hubby and Sir.) Sir and pet. That, we've found over time and LOTS (and lots) of trial and error works best for us, especially mentally for me. When I'm in the mood (or have the energy for it) to be toppy, I tell Him. If He's in the mood to bottom, or even to be submissive (He's a masochist as well as a sadist), then great, we switch.

I'm sure that statement made someone's head somewhere explode with indignation. "You can't be a twue slave if you top! And he can't be a twue Dominant if he bottoms!"

Asshats.

The only person that has the right to define what someone should or shouldn't be in their dynamic is someone actually IN the dynamic.

Period.

We take great delight in keeping our friends guessing who is in which role at any given time. They've made a game out of it of trying to figure out who's in the driver's seat when we show up at an event. It's not always easy. Sir is a gear kind of guy, and He might be in full-on Dominant mode and yet be wearing a collar as well.

Why?

Because He WANTS to, that's why. That's my point. Likewise, when I'm in full-on Dominant mode, I'm always wearing my collar. Why? Because I WANT to.

See, don't ever forget that people in this lifestyle are in it voluntarily. Slavery is illegal in this and most other countries. So people in the lifestyle (as long as they aren't being abused) are in it because they want to be in it. They pick and choose their roles because they want them. Sir would not top me if I didn't want Him to. Not because I wouldn't let Him, but because HE has no interest in forcing me to do something.

Eh, well, unless of course we're playing at something and I've told Him I want Him to force me to do something as part of the play.

But that's getting into a whole 'nother conversation.

In other words, don't get caught up in rigid role boxes. Just like there are fluid gender roles, there are fluid D/s and M/s roles, even between people who aren't switches. When you add in the switch factor, you add even more to the mix.

And frankly, it's a lot more fun that way.

* * *

Aaannd on to other news...

*Snoopy dancing* It's release day for "Out of Bight, Out of Mind," the fourth (but not the last) installment in my Deep Space Mission Corps series from Siren-BookStrand. When I wrote the first book in the series back in 2009, I actually had to compose the manuscript on a teeny tiny little netbook, using a USB mouse and keyboard attached to it, because the screen on my main laptop died and had to get fixed. LOL

Now that's perseverance. LOL


http://www.bookstrand.com/out-of-bight-out-of-mind

Blurb:

[Siren Ménage Everlasting: Erotic Futuristic Sci-Fi Ménage a Quatre Romance, M/M/M/F, HEA]

Emi Hypatia loves her job exploring the galaxy with her three husbands, Aaron Lucio, Caph Bates, and Ford Caliban. When a nonhuman crewman is temporarily assigned to the Tamora Bight for a mission, Emi hates and mistrusts him at first sight due to what her empath training tells her.

Aaron, Caph, and Ford know Emi can't help what she feels about their temporary crewmate, Kayehalau. But they don't know if it's just the jump engines wigging her out, residual nerves from her fight on Kal'moran, or something else. They feel badly Kayehalau's presence on board makes her nervous, but orders are orders.

Emi knows Kayehalau is up to no good. She just has to prove it. It's soon apparent he wants to use her for a nefarious purpose. She turns the tables, but only after she's out of harm's way does her larger problem become apparent. Can Aaron, Caph, and Ford rescue her when she's left Out of Bight, Out of Mind?

A Siren Erotic Romance

Tymber Dalton is a Siren-exclusive author.

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The correct reading order is:

1) Love at First Bight
2) Bightmares
3) Spider Bight
4) Out of Bight, Out of Mind

You can find all my Siren releases as Tymber Dalton, Lesli Richardson, Macy Largo, and Tessa Monroe on my Siren page at:

http://www.bookstrand.com/tymber-dalton



And you can find me on the web at:

http://tymberdalton.com
http://twitter.com/TymberDalton
http://facebook.com/tymberdalton
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TymberDalton_updates/
https://plus.google.com/118382222849341409443/