Brats, BDSM and Books

 Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

What does a lion have to do with brats, you may well ask. A lot. Or at least it's the best analogy I could think of.

One of the infuriating things about writing BDSM in fiction is that you often can't quote sources or in some cases you can't come out and say precisely who you are and what you do. This can result in some farcical situations. Some reviewers love to declare to one and all that this here book here has got the BDSM all wrong and that, the author clearly knows nothing.

I've seen this said about books by Dommes and submissives, and I've seen the BDSM dissed in books like The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton, who has since come out and declared herself a kinkster who is well and truly deep in the BDSM lifestyle. It's amusing in a way, but also annoying and ridiculous. But what makes it worse is when the criticism revolves around something that is truly just not the way the person criticizing the book likes their own BDSM scenes to roll.

My last book was written partly to throw some fun into the mix. There are so many edgy dark BDSM stories where the Dom is closer to robot or Sith ancestry than he is to a real man. Really, there should be a stamp somewhere that says,

Because they do. If you meet a Dom who has no sense of humor just check for a pulse. Sure while he's playing he might go into super strict Dom mode, if that's the dynamic of your relationship, but no one is like that all damn day. Even in a Master/ slave relationship there will be fun, or maybe you should be high-tailing it out of there...unless of course having no fun is your kink.

But, getting past the fun aspect, we also wanted to show brats in our story, because brats are much maligned and insulted. And yes, among my friends, there are two women who are brats who are very like the characters in my book. One is a bisexual collared switch with over ten years in the lifestyle. But that doesn't stop people declaring that there is too much bratting in the story. Okay, I get it, if a reader doesn't click with the dynamic of the BDSM in the story, okay. Move on. I don't 'get' humiliation play either, like face-slapping or being a coffee table. I don't 'get' dressing up as a pony either - it's way out of my comfort zone, but I accept that others like this.
Where this all goes pear-shaped is when people say this is wrong, and it's not BDSM.

Uh-uh. You may despise bratting in a D/s relationship and you may love obeying your Dom at a snap of his fingers and the growl of his voice but you are not everyone. Others prefer the challenge.

Here is where the lion comes in. Think of a Dom as a predator. If you're a hunter and you have a choice between having the prey walk up to you and  roll over at your feet, you'd accept that possibly. But not all do. Some prefer to have to chase after that prey, and drag it down while it is running away. With the human element of taunting by said prey added to the mix the whole scene can be even more potent.

Submission can come easily or with obstacles in the way. The brat switch I know loves it when her Dom makes her submit by force and he loves doing it. He loves dares. If she tells him he hits like a mosquito,
guess what, he wants to hit so hard she writhes and begs him to stop, and that gets her motor going too, and so the circle goes. Some brats are worse than others. Human relationships are not set in stone and do NOT have to abide by any rules except the ones made up by those in the relationship.

Some Doms can't stand bratting but surprise, surprise, they don't end up in relationships with brats, they find a submissive who likes their style of D/s.

Bottom line is, YOU may not like bratting in real life, or in stories, to you it may not be submission, but to others it is the color that heightens their kink life. Without it everything fades into black and white.

Take care that you respect what others do, as well as what you and your partner choose to do. There is no One Twu Way. There is only you and them. Make up your own rules. Be happy. Be safe.

I'll leave you with a quote from a friend.

"One of the things that I embrace about the lifestyle I have chosen, is that there is the freedom to define our own relationships."