Thursday, February 21, 2013

Is there an age requirement to be a good Dom?

Recently I've been reading a lot about the age of Doms and how many people would never consider someone under the age of, for instance, thirty years old to be a "real Dom". Most of the reasons given for this opinion have to do with maturity and experience. I agree, to a certain extent. I've seen men on sites like FetLike who are 18, 20 etc and calling themselves Doms. At that young, it doesn't seem to me that a man can be everything a Dom should be. I believe Doms do need to have a certain amount of life experience before they can be a good Dom. But what's the "magic number"? Is there one?

In the book I'm writing currently, my Dom is twenty-seven. He's one of the youngest Doms I've ever written. I think Conner from Impact was between twenty-five and twenty-eight, but Jack from Caught and Ryan from Master Class were both in their thirties. Will has a few insecurities/hang-ups/whatever you want to call them because he isn't quite as emotionally mature as my older Doms. I'm not a big fan of writing the uber-Dom anyway, so my Doms tend to have doubts, but in Will's case some of his even stem from the idea that he's not sure he NEEDS BDSM in his life. Can he be happy without it if his lover isn't into it?

How much experience does a man need before he can fully grasp the crucial aspects of BDSM - particularly the psychological aspects? (By the way, I use man as a catch-all - the same points go for women as Dommes.) Can someone who's only a few years out of college really understand and be able to translate into practice all the nuances of BDSM?

I'm not saying they can't - just posing the question. So what do you think?

I released Unexpected Top on January 18th, and it's got a bit of a different slant to BDSM. The heroine initiates a female-led relationship (similar to Taken in Hand) to try to save her marriage. For more information on that or any of my other books, check out my website at

-- Cassandra


  1. I'm not sure it's age more than it's life experience. Some people are more mature at 18 than others are at 30. So in this instance, age is a number which may or may not reflect the maturity that is accociated with it.

    An example: A few years out of college (26), I was the mother of 4 including 1 child with disabilities, had 4 miscarriages, worked, moved and was living in a foreign country. My oldest son was already a combat vet. Now, my youngest son is still figuring out about getting it together. Life experience vs age.

  2. I also think age doesn't really matter. There are 50-year-old idiots and 18-year-olds who're really good doms.

    A good dom is someone who can take care of a sub!