Friday, April 5, 2013

"Real" men don't cause pain? Think again.

I saw a posting on a Facebook page for some asshat wannabe Dom who, among other things, claims that "real men" don't hurt women.


I'm sure that would come as a HUGE shock to all the pain sluts out there. And the sadists.

Yes, the guy did include a caveat about limits, but his overall message was that it shouldn't be about the pain.

Odd, because I have friends for whom it IS all about the pain. They wouldn't bottom if they weren't getting pain. They will bottom to friends with whom they don't have a romantic relationship with BECAUSE they want the pain their sadistic toppy friend can dish out.

Look, just because a guy throws up a Facebook page and claims to be a Dominant doesn't make it true.

No, a "real" Dom does NOT violate a hard limit or a safeword. Absolutely they don't.

But cause pain? Um, yeah. There are countless sadists out there who are involved in BDSM BECAUSE they enjoy inflicting pain.

Here's how you can tell a "real" Dominant in the lifestyle from an asshat poser -- the REAL Dominant, if they have any experience under their belt, will be honest that there are some kinks that are not their kinks, but are still valid kinks.

Being into BDSM for the pain IS a valid kink. Might not be your kink, but it doesn't make it any less valid.

YKINMK - Your Kink Is Not My Kink.

THIS is why I have a HUGE problem with the "won twue way" fucktards who preach to people who have NO clue what BDSM is, and they get these people fawning all over them because it's nothing more than an ego stroke for the Facebook "dominant" handing out bullshit they think their audience wants to hear.

"Real" BDSM is frequently NOT pretty. People LOVE to show off their bruises and marks. There are many submissives (myself included) who LOVE having bruises and marks to show after a session. In fact, I tend to get pissed off at Sir if He doesn't leave at least a few marks on me. If I'm taking the pain (and I'm not a pain slut) then dammit, I want something to remember it by. LOL

So when you see someone spouting information and not acknowledging that there ARE other ways of practicing BDSM, that's a HUGE red flag the person is a poser, fucktard, douche canoe, or other flavor of someone to stay FAR away from.


  1. Bring up any topic, religion, politics, how to make French fries and someone will tell you the way to do it. The one, true way. Excellent for robots...not so much for people. And very lucky, that, too...or our books would be very, very dull.

  2. *applauds Tymber*

  3. YKINMK - Your Kink Is Not My Kink. -- So true. I think with BDSM the possibility exists for people to have truth-telling conversations. "I want this pain, but not that pain," etc. Wonderful when people can suspend judgement. I sometimes wish people could have those conversations in vanilla-land. Truth.

    Good post!

    1. People can and do have those conversations and experiences in vanilla land. The relationship I'm in could not be described as BDSM by any stretch of anybody's imagination if only because I don't really submit and he doesn't really dominate. But we do like playing games and we definitely discuss what sort of pain I like and what is a pain too far for me, so to speak. And we both get a kick out of stretching the boundaries a bit. On the other hand, because the relationship is of the vanilla variety I don't think we'll ever really reach my limits or find out what they actually are. He doesn't have it in him to really hurt me. That is not a complaint though cause the way I see if, if he did have it in him he wouldn't really be him anymore and what would that do to my feelings for him? Sorry, I'm rambling because I can't quite find the words to say what I want to say.

    2. I just saw this. Helena, BDSM does NOT have to involve any Dominance and submission. It comes in all varieties and from mild to super-mean and painful or humiliating, or whatever floats your boat.
      It can just be S and m. It could be just bondage.

  4. Wonderful post. Totally agree! Thank you.

  5. Thank you, Tymber! I agree. :) I really have to hold my tongue when I hear "One true way" or anything close. I love pain and humiliation when I want it. There I said it! I know some people like things I don't and more power to them. Have fun, peeps! I respect your sexuality, but I expect mine to be respected as well.
    It's not just with BDSM, though. People spout "One true way" stuff about pretty much anything they're passionate about. "Real horse people use a bit, not a hack-more." "A decent Christian doesn't dye their hair blonde, otherwise guys get confused and assume you're a slut." WHAT?! I'm not even joking about the WTFckery I've heard in my short life.
    I just wanted to say, well said, Tymber! :)

  6. You are so many people just don't get it and have no urge to find out the truth