Patience is a virtue.

One of the most commonly asked questions I see on the different BDSM-related email lists and discussion forums I frequent comes from submissives looking for a Dominant. Most of the time from female submissives, although I have seen male submissives asking it as well. "How do I find 'The One' for me?"

It seems that sometimes, when it finally clicks in a submissive's brain what they want, they tend to forget common sense in their pursuit of a D/s dynamic.

I've seen it dubbed "sub frenzy."

It sucks being alone. I know that, I get it. But just like in the vanilla world, relationships aren't something to be rushed into. The good and bad thing about the internet is that it allows people in various parts of the world who might never have met to come together. You can get some stuff out of the way, like learning about each other. But chatting over a computer is not the same thing as meeting in real life. Yes, I do know quite a few people who've met each other online and gone on to have successful real-life relationships. But I also have heard far more stories of online relationships ending badly.

Common sense can fly out the window in the face of bubbling hormones and throbbing...eh, body parts. But even moreso than a vanilla relationship, it's extremely important to keep a few things in mind when starting out on a fledgling BDSM relationship. If you can't be friends first, you can't have a D/s dynamic, period.

D/s (Dominant/submissive) is based first and foremost on trust. I don't know about you, but I have yet, in my life, ever been able to trust someone I can't at least be friends with. By trust I mean the kind of trust it takes to engage in BDSM activities, not trusting that the person will give you back exact change on a cup of coffee.

I always tell people find local munches, local groups. I frequently hear, "Oh, I'd be too scared to go." If you're too scared to go to a restaurant where a bunch of people are meeting, how do you ever think you're going to work up the nerve to meet someone safely and get to know them?

Fetlife.com is the best place to find local events. It's free, it's anonymous, you can pick any username you want. Heck, set up a fake email address you use only for Fetlife if it worries you that much. But instead of worrying about meeting "The One," get to know a group of people. Learn to be comfortable with who YOU are instead of focusing on trying to find someone for you.

Fine and dandy, but what if you do hook up with someone in a long distance relationship? Well, if they try to rush you to do anything, especially if it involves sending them money, do NOT do it. Period. Someone worth their salt will be patient and understand how valuable a trust bond is. Do NOT ignore red flags. Do NOT go somewhere to meet this person without an escape plan. It's preferable they come to you. (They are the Dominant, after all.) Meet for the first time over coffee, in a public place, with a separate way to get out of there. Have a safe call lined up. Better yet, take a friend with you to the meeting. (Again, any Dominant worth their salt will understand.) Even better, make friends with local kinksters in your area, and have the person come to a meeting, such as a munch, where you will have plenty of backup in case you don't like what you see.

There's a fine line between abuse and kink. Kink is always consensual. Abuse is not. If at any time you feel pressured to do something, that is a HUGE red flag you need to listen to. If you have several of your kinky friends expressing misgivings, LISTEN to them. It's not always easy for us to step back when we're in the throes of our libido and say hey, there's a problem here.

Good things come to those who can wait. This isn't just a trite cliche. In a case like this, it could mean saving yourself a huge heartache.

(Tymber Dalton is a bestselling author and lifestyle BDSM switch. Her website is http://www.tymberdalton.com )

Don't dis the kink.

"If you are going to mock me, at least get your facts straight." -- Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory (episode "The Einstein Approximation")

I want to state up front this is NOT an "author behaving badly" kind of reactionary post to a less than stellar review. I'm using this as an illustration to show how it never fails to amaze me how someone can "dis the kink" when they were the ones who didn't pay a whit of attention in the first place and probably don't know anything about it. And keep reading, because I do have a destination in mind for this rambling journey. I also know that to many of you, I'm preaching to the choir, so to speak, so thank you for indulging me.

One of my books has the following disclaimer clearly included (by my publisher) in the blurb:

Content Warning: Contains subject matter that might offend some readers—graphic language, explicit sex, mf sex, mmf ménage, mm sex, anal sex/play, sex toys, Femdom and Maledom BDSM practices, bondage, Domination/submission, Master/slave, spanking, impact play, humiliation, cuckolding, public exhibition, public sex, and piercing sarcasm.

I'd say that's pretty clear, no?

Here's a section of a reader review (and which the reviewer gave the lowest ranking available on the site):

 ...every one had certain needs that are not necessarily the "norm" in society but this just made me totally uncomfortable, threesomes OK, at little BDSM OK, role playing OK, but Master/slave, impact play and humiliation - no thanks.

Umm...okay. Sooo...why did you buy the book then? They ranked the book based on their personal prejudices, not on the quality of writing/editing or on the story. I use this illustration to make the following point, that just because someone else has a kink you don't like or agree with, as long as the participants are all consenting human adults, who cares? Would they have read the book at all had they known I was an active participant in the BDSM lifestyle?

A lot of people who participate in the lifestyle, willing participants and nice people who don't bother anyone, have to live in fear. They have to live in fear of being outed because of their family situations, jobs, school, or some other reason. This fear is driven due to people who, despite not understanding or agreeing with something, make no effort whatsoever to try to make allowances for people who have different interests than them.

That's what it boils down to, right?

What if I told you a man liked to go out every weekend, without his wife, and got together with a bunch of his friends. They got all hot and sweaty, piled on top of each other, grabbing and pulling at each other, then ended with a group naked shower.

Would that shock you?

What if I told you they were playing football.

Oh, so that's okay then?

It's the same kind of double standard some men have that two women together are hot, but two men together are an abomination against nature.

Um, WTF? Why is that? Why do some people close their brains?

What if I told you that one couple I know, who've been married for about fifty years, have also been involved in the BDSM lifestyle for almost the entire time? Obviously, they're happy doing what they're doing. They're happily married. They balance their kinky and vanilla lives. Should they be looked down upon for the fact that they have a D/s dynamic just because it's not someone else's gold standard?

Obviously, this kind of discrimination isn't unique to people who are into BDSM. The GLBT community has dealt with it forever, as have religious and racial sectors. Having to hide a part of who you are, regardless of the fact that it doesn't hurt anyone, just because of fears of how others will react.

Isn't it time that people learn to take a "live and let live" approach to life? Are we not adults?

Here's the truth of the matter: people into BDSM are no different than people who enjoy golfing every weekend, or people who enjoy going to NASCAR races, or people who build ships in bottles. They are doing something that they enjoy that's not hurting anyone. (Well, not hurting them without their permission.) It's not abuse if it's consensual. It's not sick or twisted or demented, any moreso than spending thousands of dollars collecting Beanie Babies or basket weaving supplies.

There are people out there into some kinks that are definitely NOT my own kinks. But that's okay, because I don't have to choose to play with them or even associate myself with them. No biggie. How they practice their kink in no way impacts my life anymore than some duffer hitting the links every Saturday at holy-crap-thirty in the morning. It doesn't make them less able to do their job. It doesn't make them bad parents or horrible people.

It just makes them different than me. Just like I'm different than you, and you're different than someone else.

Did you know in some countries, women can be beaten (or worse) for driving? They can be killed for leaving their houses if they aren't covered head to toe in fabric.

So isn't it kind of silly to look down on people who willingly participate in something that makes them happy? Especially if you don't even have all the facts straight about what you're judging them for? Maybe if everyone felt free to pursue their happiness without worrying about someone judging them, perhaps the world would be a happier place.

Something to think about.

A submissive's perspective on a long distance relationship

A dear friend of mine agreed to let me interview her today for The Playroom. We met thanks to some on-line writing I’d done, and we’ve been friends ever since.  She is from Italy, so English is not her first language.

Ms. Hayes:            First of all, thank you for doing this. You and your Dom have a long distance relationship. Can you tell us how you two met? (I know I know this, but THEY don't)

Kim:                 (ehehehe. Ok)

Well, we met the first time when I was 15. He was 32 and we met during a convention about popular Art in Middle Age in Europe. He's from Russia, and between the many things he's he also is an expert in that field. I was captivated by him since the first moment. I could already speak Russian, and that's the reason my school chose me for the convention.

We started to spend a long time together, just talking about history and art, and studying his language better that I ever would with any other teacher. We spent a long time just talking most of the time. He was probably the first person ever to know me better then I knew myself. Nothing happened until I was 17. He's not a pervert or anything like that, and I'd like for people to respect that.

He already was in the lifestyle. But he never introduced me until he knew I was ready to come to him as his sub. And it was a long journey for me. A very long one. I always was and am a very independent person. I have a career that put me in charge of other people, and I had a very hard time realizing that I wanted to submit to him.

I spent more than 10 years to reach that realization. Jurij, my Dom, had to go back to Russia when I was 18, and for a lot of reasons, many of them related to the fact I had to finish school, and I still had to realize what I was and wanted, we separated, but never lost each other. We kept keeping in touch.

Ms. Hayes:            So it took you more than 10 years to realize that you wanted to be is submissive. Was there something that sparked this realization?

Kim:                 Yes, there was something. As it always happens, there are the small things that help you to realize something big. For me was reading a fanfiction and meeting the author of that story on a chat forum.

She basically realized I was having a lot of trouble with what I thought I wanted, and what I really wanted, and suggested that I to just talk to Jurij, and see if he could be the one owning the keys to unlock the cage I put myself into without even realizing it.

Ms. Hayes:            I’m assuming you took her advice. How did that go?

Kim:                 I called Jurij one night, without even realizing what I was doing until I heard his voice, and told him what I had in my mind. He stayed silent for a very long time, until I told him everything and when he finally spoke it was just to ask me one question, if I was sure I was ready for that. I answered him that in the chaos I had in my mind… To be with him, to be his sub, was the only thing that still made sense. Then he spoke again, just to tell me that it was a long time he was waiting for those words

Ms. Hayes:            Since you said he waited for over 10 years, I imagine he was wondering if they were every going to happen.

Kim:                 As I told you, Jurij was the first person who always knew me better than I know myself. He's in the lifestyle since he was 16, and he has a lot of experience both with subs and Doms who he trains.

He always knew I was a sub, even before I realized that about myself.

Ms. Hayes:             How long have you two been a D/s couple?

Kim:                 We are going to celebrate our first anniversary on Christmas.

Ms. Hayes:            Wow. It seems longer than that.

Kim:                 It feel like it is longer. Maybe because we know each other so well

Ms. Hayes:            You said he was from Russia. I know he still lives there and you live in Italy. How does that affect your relationship?

Kim:                 It's hard. It's very hard. Usually he's able to come in Italy and I'm able to go to Russia at least once every two months, but because of his job I know there are times when we can't see each other for very long periods of time, and that's usually very hard on both of us

Ms. Hayes:            Does the distance change the way you both live the lifestyle of Dom and sub at all?

Kim:                 No, not really. I still have his rules to follow, even if I tend to break the one about my sleep, due to my work, and my insomnia. And yes, I know he won't be happy about that when he'll be back. The only thing that really changes is that we can't play of course. But that doesn’t change how we feel for each other

Ms. Hayes:             You're right. He won't.

I know you said that you used to talk once a week during that 10 year+ time span. Do you still talk once a week or has that changed since your relationship began?

Kim:                 No, that changed. Now we talk once a day. And if he has a feeling I'm breaking his rule about sleep time, even more that that

Ms. Hayes:            Other than sleeping, what are some of the rules you have to follow?

Kim:                 I have rules about what I can or can't eat, and general behaving rules.

Ms. Hayes:            And how does he deal with you breaking a rule given he's so far away?

Kim:                 My Dom is a very powerful one. He has a way to make you wish you could disappear just using his voice. He deals with my slips with that, and I feel so ashamed I broke his rules and disappointed him that I try my best not to do that. But if I slip big time, he deals with that when we are together, and usually is not nice when he does that.

Ms. Hayes:            Do you ever regret having a Dom that lives so far away?

Kim:                 No, that would mean regretting choosing Jurij, and I'd never do that.

Ms. Hayes:            Do you two plan to continue long distance or do you eventually hope to live in the same country, city, or even location?

Kim:                 We are counting on living together soon.

Ms. Hayes:            I bet you are happy about that. Do you think it will be a huge adjustment to have him there all the time?

Kim:                 I think it'll be a bet. lol. I'm too used to my space to be an easy roommate.

Ms. Hayes:            a bet?

Kim:                 bet

Ms. Hayes:            just checking. lol

Kim:                 :)

Ms. Hayes:            If someone was considering a long distance D/s relationship, what advise would you give them?

Kim:                 Trust in what you have with your Dom or sub, and always talk to him or her to be sure that you are on the same page with everything. And if you are a sub, never let your Dom be oblivious if you are having a hard time or you have something in your mind who is bothering you. Silence is never the answer

Ms. Hayes:            Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Kim:                 No, not really. I'm very territorial. I don't like too much to share my Dom. Lol.

Ms. Hayes:            Hahaha. I'm sure you feel like you share him enough as it is.

Kim:                 That's damn right. :)

How many "flavors" of kink?

"I don't care if someone likes being dressed up like a refrigerator while a midget blows them and shoves bananas in their ass, as long as it makes them happy." - Mr. B.

The above quote is from my Sir. (Yes, I warned Him I'd be using it for a book at some point in time. LOL And no, you cannot use it. LOL) The context in which it was uttered was during a discussion the two of us were having about different kinks, preconceived notions, and the impact revelations could have on another person in a D/s relationship. It was triggered by a blog post I'd read, where the woman talked about something she and her Master hadn't done, but he'd once talked about doing. Then, when she'd sort of gotten in her head that while she wouldn't like doing the actual act, it was the act of doing it FOR him she'd like, he admitted in another conversation that one of her fears was valid, he might think less of her for doing it, hence he didn't want to actually DO it to her.

Did that make sense?

So I'd pointed out the blog in question to Sir, and the dialog that ensued between us was His reassurances that no matter what it was I wanted to do, as long as it was relatively safe and consensual (we've already tossed sane and totally safe out the window LOL) He would never think less of me for wanting to do it. And likewise, I know I would never think less of Him for wanting to do things. We both might come up with things we want to do that, for lack of time, money, equipment, or other resources, can't be done, or are just strictly fantasy ideas that we don't want to do in reality (but make for really hot scene discussions). Regardless, we have the respect and caring for each other that it's okay to be totally open and honest.

So having explained all that so you understand where the refrigerator comment is coming from, I use it to illustrate that just because YKINMK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink) doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with it (as long as all the participants are consenting human adults).

Another seed this blog post sprouted from was a question from a fellow writer (who is involved in the lifestyle) asked on a board I'm on about reviewing a BDSM book that really didn't have BDSM in it, and what it did have...let's just say it was sloppy work on the part of the author of that book, because it was obvious they were neither involved in the lifestyle, nor did they do adequate research. And the author apparently took offense to a fair and not at all bad review, all things considered. (Authors behaving badly in response to reviews is a whoooooole 'nother blog topic I won't deal with today.) So the reviewer was asking how to handle the situation.

I know that a lot of readers--and this is NOT a slam--who read BDSM books aren't in the lifestyle. What they know of the lifestyle is mostly coming from what they read in fiction, or what they see on the internet. But let's face it, while I might be fascinated by a slice-of-life piece about a D/s couple who are 24/7 and not into sadism of any kind, someone not in the lifestyle who expects whips and chains and multiple forced orgasms might read it and not understand that "flavor" of non-vanilla.

I know, yes, in real life, people in the lifestyle who are on the mild end of the scale. To them, it's about the power exchange dynamic, it only happens in the bedroom, and it's about the sex. That's fine. Nothing wrong with that. I also know people, literally, in 24/7 relationships, where it's not just about the power exchange, but about sadism. That's fine, too. I know people who like to go to play parties and get beaten, and not be "Dominated." That's a valid kink. There is no "won twue way."

The basis of BDSM, regardless of what flavor it takes, is the trust bond between the participants. How deep this trust bond goes can range from, "I trust that when I get done beating you tonight, you won't be a douche tomorrow and call the cops," all the way to, "I trust that when you bind me and put me in those restraints and gag me and use a sharp knife on me, that you will neither harm me in a way that is beyond my limits, nor will you ignore me if I safeword and want to end the scene." So, in other words, the trust bond ranges from a handshake agreement all the way to, literally, trusting your health, life, and well-being to another person.

A lot of people think BDSM is all about sex, and while yes, sex is an important aspect for some participants, it's not the only aspect, or even the primary aspect to some people. I know people in the lifestyle who will to bottom to someone at a party, and no sexual contact will happen between the participants at all. I know some people who will play at a party and they get tied up and forced to orgasm, with no impact play. Again, there are wide varieties of flavors in this pornocopia of play. (Yes, that was on purpose.)

So to bring this around full circle, my point is that if you want to be involved in the lifestyle, be open. Be honest. And be non-judgmental. You don't have to like someone else's kink (again, I'm working on the consenting human adults premise). If you don't like it, you don't have to do it. But remember that just because you have an idea of what BDSM "should" be doesn't mean you know it all. (Especially if you aren't involved in the lifestyle.) I also know from personal experience, and from hearing it from other people, there are plenty of people out there scared to admit their true desires for fear of how their partner will react. For instance, how many times have you heard about straight guys who secretly desire anal play, but they're afraid that will "make them gay" or freak out their partner? Got a news flash for you, it's not unnatural, or else our bodies wouldn't be made to positively respond to the stimulus. Get over it, dudes. So you like your back door played with. Have at it, and don't deny yourself. You might be surprised to find your lady enjoys putting on a strap-on and reaming you out (while envisioning all the times you forgot to put your dirty clothes in the hamper).

If you're in a relationship, there should be a "safe place" provision, if nothing else, a designated time to say, "Okay, look, we can talk about these things, and some of them we might want to try, some of them we might not, and some of them might be left forever in the fantasy realm. But I won't think less of you for talking about it."

Because in all honesty, if you can't trust someone enough to TALK about stuff, how can you trust them with the important stuff?

And if they want a banana shoved up their ass, then I say by all means, go for it. Just don't forget to use a firm one and put a towel down first. And use loooots of lube. :)

(Tymber Dalton is a BDSM lifestyle switch and bestselling author. You can read more about her, including her latest releases, on her website at http://www.tymberdalton.com)

Wicked Wednesday: Negotiation Scene in Nobody's Angel

Welcome to another Wicked Wednesday with an exclusive excerpt from debut author Kallypso Masters, who shares a glimpse into how she works the art of negotiation into her more realistic BDSM romances.

 
One of the most important tools in a BDSM couple's repertoire--and sometimes the sexiest--is the art of negotiation. Maybe that's because the hottest sex organ is the brain, but it's not easy for everyone to talk about sex, fantasies, wants, needs, desires, limits--especially when they think their fantasies are a bit kinkier than their partner will accept or will want to try.

Listening without judging is a great way to encourage a partner to discuss what she or he wants to try. A little humor (if you aren't laughing AT someone, but just teasing a bit to coax more out of them) can help, as well. 

The Wikipedia entry on "Negotiation" states:

In the BDSM community, negotiation is a form of communication where participants make arrangements on each others' requirements, responsibilities, and limits to find the best possible agreement.

Activity within BDSM relationships requires trust, openness about most practices that may include risks. On the other hand, partners have certain needs which should be clearly defined in order to be properly satisfied. In this regard, negotiation is essential part not only when parties were not familiar with each other but also in case when partners have long-term relationships. [Much more information at this site on Negotiation.]

I love writing negotiation scenes in my BDSM erotic romances more than the sex scenes sometimes (even though I am told I write really hot, tender sex scenes, as well). But I'm all about writing the emotions of the relationship and sometimes it's much harder to bare your innermost needs and desires than it is to bare your body. (In fact, the scene excerpted below takes place several orgasms into the story Nobody's Angel. You see, negotiation doesn't end with one or two conversations at the beginning of the relationship or scene. It's also good to talk about the scene afterward to determine what worked, didn't work, and how the couple might want to try things the next time.) 

When a couple (or multiples) bring humor to the bedroom (or wherever they happen to be having their negotiations), it's just the cherry on top, in my opinion. I'm fascinated listening in on these conversations and seeing how they begin to get to know each other, find out what excites them about each other, learn what they'd like to try--or not try--sexually, and so on. 

Excerpt Setup: Sweet, overprotected Angelina has had a bad experience with BDSM where her trust was shattered and her safe word ignored, so Marc D'Alessio, at whose BDSM club the incident occurred, is trying to show her she shouldn't ignore her sexually submissive side. She just needs to find a responsible Dom who will earn her trust and treat her as she should have been treated. (Of course, he isn't interested in anything long-time. This is the former "Master Marco," after all, who looks at women as being laid out on his own private smorgasbord.) But for this one night, he has agreed to be Angelina's Dom to show her how BDSM can be with the right Dom/Top.

In this scene, Angelina reveals both a hard limit, as well as something she would like to experience that she witnessed at the Masters at Arms club before her abusive Dom shattered her trust and killed her fledgling interest in BDSM. As it turns out, Marc, her Dom for the night, is very happy to hear that's a limit, one he shares (even though he's still in denial about their relationship going beyond this night). She does not know that Marc was the Dungeon Monitor Supervisor who rescued her at the club or that he co-owners the club.

Excerpt from a Negotiation Scene from
Nobody's Angel (Rescue Me, Book #2)

Angelina’s heart thudded against her chest. What had possessed her to tell him something like that?

“Oh, cara. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that happened to you.” He held her tightly, placing his chin on the top of her head and enveloping her in his strength and warmth.

“Let’s put that fantasy and bad memory on the back burner for now. Tell me about another fantasy. One you haven’t experienced yet. Perhaps something you’ve read about…or even seen.”

“Um, there was this one time when…I was at a private club in Denver.”

“What kind of private club?”

Oh, she didn’t want to admit she’d gone to a kink club. “Um, one where adults…couples mostly…do...things to each other.”

“Just what kinds of things do they do?” She could have sworn by his voice he was smiling, but didn’t want to pull away from his comforting arms to confirm her suspicions. Just what did he find so funny?

She sighed. “Well, pretty much anything you can imagine.”

“I can imagine a lot, pet.”

Oh, damn it all, apparently the man had never been inside one before. He was going to think she was a slut, but obviously, she was going to have to tell him now. He was like a dog with a bone. “Promise you won’t think badly of me?”

“It’s rather difficult for me to promise when I don’t know what you’ve done yet.”

Well, what did she expect, unconditional love from a near stranger? One who happened to be cuddling her on his lap on the edge of her bed? Oh, Nonna. I hope you aren’t watching! Angelina decided to just spit it out.

“I…We were…in a kink club.” She held her breath and steeled herself.

“Ahhh, I see. What was it like?”

He certainly didn’t seem to be judging her. But he wanted her to talk about it? Oh, God. This just got worse and worse on the embarrassment scale.

“I didn’t see much.”

She realized she’d unbuttoned his shirt and her fingers played idly with the springy chest hairs in the vee of his shirt. She didn’t want him to think she’d gone to a sleazy one, though. “It seemed like a nice place. Karla, she was the club’s singer, was very kind to me after…well, later. She brought me home. And the club’s owner, Master Adam, was very nice, too.”

His hand stopped stroking her hair. “Were there any other nice people you met there?”

“No. Mostly I just watched.”

After a moment, his hand began stroking her again, but she felt tenseness in his body. Maybe he was judging her.

“What did you see?”

“There were several couples in the great room who were engaging in different…activities.”

“Which activities interested you?”

Her mind returned to the main room of the club where one of the Doms had caught her attention while Allen was filling out guest papers on her. The Dom wore a Harley-Davidson jacket with the tail of a dragon tattoo curled around his bicep, the rest of the mythical creature disappearing under the vest. Very lethal looking—both the dragon and the man, who held a coiled whip against his leather-clad thigh.

“There was a Dom with a whip.” She felt Marc’s body tense even more, but wasn’t sure if it was the mention of the Dom or the whip that bothered him. Well, he asked, so she was going to tell him what she liked. “Kneeling before him was a blonde woman who looked up at him adoringly, waiting for him to do…well, whatever he wanted to do, I suppose.” The man had a whip, for Christ’s sake!

“Did the whip excite you?”

She pulled out of his arms, bumping his chin against her head in her haste to get away, but she wasn’t going to let him get the notion she was into whips. “God, no! Don’t even go there!”

He relaxed visibly and smiled. “Duly noted, gattina.”

Angelina felt the tension leave her, as well, and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He seemed as relieved as she was, although she had no idea why.

“So, tell me what it was about the Dom/sub that interested you so much.”

She blushed. It was pretty lame as far as fantasies went, but she’d been so turned on by the two. “He put his middle finger deep into her mouth and, with the other fingers and the thumb of his hand, he…I guess you’d say caged her chin, forcing her mouth open.” Angelina felt herself getting wet just remembering. She shrugged and smiled.

“Do you know what it was about the scene that excited you?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure. It just did.”

She lowered her gaze to his bare chest where her fingers were buried in the light sprinkling of his black chest hairs. She liked touching him. He waited, expecting more of an answer, she supposed.

“The woman’s expression was…well, she looked up at him with such, I don’t know the word—adoration maybe? Devotion? Trust?” She swallowed. “Or maybe it was the way he took control of her mouth like that. Of her.” She shivered. “I don’t know, but it blew me away.”

Marc’s gaze went to her mouth and Angelina’s clit throbbed in response as if he’d taken control of her mouth the way the tatted Dom had done with the blonde at the club. She squirmed on his lap. Her gaze locked on his mouth. She wanted him to kiss her again, only rougher than he’d kissed her last night.

 

Kallypso Masters' first two books in the Rescue Me series are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, All Romance e-Books, Kobo, and coming soon to BookStrand. You can find Kally online at:

Blog: http://kallypsomasters.blogspot.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kallypsomasters

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/kallypsomasters

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5130089.Kallypso_Masters

E-mail: kallypsomasters@gmail.com

 

Interview with Stephan Coleman - Dom from Slave, Finding Anna Book 1

I look down at my watch. Nine fifty-eight. I wonder if he’ll be on time.

Just as that thought crosses my mind, I hear the elevator ding, and the doors open. Moments later, a young man who looks to be in his mid twenties walks into the small office where I’m waiting. His dark hair and lanky build confirm that this is who I’ve been waiting for. Stephan Coleman.

He sees me and stops. “Who are you?”

“My name is Mary.”

He doesn’t move, just keeps staring at me.

“Ms. Hayes asked me to conduct the interview today. She had something come up at the last minute, and couldn’t be here.”

He remains where he is.

There is a second when I think he might just turn around and walk back out the door, but then he walks a few more feet and takes a seat in the plush chair across from me.

“First of all, Stephan, thank you for taking the time to talk to me today. I know the readers appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, sitting back in his chair, still obviously uncomfortable with the situation. 

I waited for him to say more, but he doesn’t. Okay then…

“I know all the readers are wondering how Brianna’s doing? Ms. Hayes said you were reluctant to leave her today.”

“I’m always reluctant to leave her,” he states. “I’m not sure that will ever change. As for how she is…she’s as well as she can be. There really isn’t a straightforward answer to that question. This morning she was…pensive.”

“Pensive?”

“She had a rough night.”

“Why?”

His eyebrows rose in annoyance. “Why don’t you ask Ms. Hayes. She’s the one who wrote the book. She knows how she left things. How do you think Brianna is dealing with that?”

“Oh yeah. Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “She did sort of leave you both hanging didn’t she?”

“Hm,” he says, but leaves it at that.

I decide maybe its better to move on with the interview. “Why don’t we start by you telling everyone a little about yourself. Not everyone has read Slave, Finding Anna Book 1 yet.”

“I’m twenty-four years old, live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and I’m CEO of The Coleman Foundation.”

“And you’re a Dom,” I added.

He smirked. “Yes, I am.”

“One of the readers wanted to know what the allure of BDSM is for you.”

“BDSM brought control back into my life. After my parents died I wasn’t exactly a model teenager. I was lost in a lot of ways. I felt as if I had no control over my life and acted out trying to find it. Being a Dom fulfilled that need for control I have. Plus, seeing a woman on her knees, looking up at you, trust in her eyes, waiting to please you…there is nothing better.”

I definitely knew the appeal of having someone kneeling at your feet, even though I preferred male subs. As he said, there really is nothing better. “Do you ever like not being in control?”

“That depends. Typically, no, I don’t, but in every day life sometimes it’s required. It’s impossible to control everything all the time.”

“Have you ever subbed for someone then?”

“Yes.”

“Care to elaborate?” He’s apparently not a big talker. I have no idea how Ms. Hayes manages to get anything out of him if he’s like this with her.

Stephan shifted his weight, and smirked at me again. “As part of my training, I subbed once for my Mentor, Daren. It was difficult. I didn’t enjoy it. And it’s not something I would want to do again. Is that what you wanted?”

“Yes,” I smiled. “Thank you.” Looking back down at my notes I continued. “When did you realize you wanted to be a Dom?”

He was quiet for several minutes, but I could tell he was thinking. “I don’t recall an exact moment in time. It was more of a process. My freshman year of college was rough. If not for rooming with Daren my sophomore year, I’m not sure I would have made it through all four years.”

“Why is that? What changed? And we still don’t know how you became a Dom,” I made sure to point that out.

“One question at a time,” he said leaning forward onto his elbows. “I was having difficulty because, as I said earlier, my way of trying to control my environment back then was to act out. Not the smartest thing, but it was all I had at the time.”

“So you were a troublemaker?” I asked, trying to clarify. It was hard to picture the man in front of me as anything less than totally put together and in command of his surroundings.

“No. I did, however, put just about everything ahead of my schooling. I rarely went to class. I never studied. My time was spent partying and chasing woman.”

“So you lacked focus.”

“No,” he said again. “I had a focus. It just wasn’t getting me where I needed or should be going.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was angry and hurt when my parents died. I suppose you could say I was trying to get back at the world,” he shrugged.

“What changed?”

He laughed. It was a full belly laugh, and it threw me a little. He came across as a very serious individual. “I’d been living with Daren for about a month when my laptop died on me. Daren offered the use of his. His screen saver was a picture of his girlfriend bound and gagged to his bed.”

Oh this was interesting. “What did you think when you saw it?”

“I didn’t know what to think, only that I couldn’t get the image out of my head. Finally I asked him about it. The rest just sort of happened.”

“Oh no. You can’t just leave it at that!” I said, sitting up in my chair.

Stephan gave a sly smile “Why not?”

“Because the readers want to know. What happened when you asked him about it?”

He just sat there not saying anything, watching me. His fingers came together to form a point, and he began tapping them together. “He answered my questions, but didn’t go into detail. The next day when I came home from one of the rare classes I attended, Daren and his girlfriend were there. She was kneeling on the floor in nothing but her panties.”

I waited for him to go on, but he didn’t. “What did you do?”

“Nothing at first. But when Daren realized I wasn’t going to run, he picked up a flogger and began using it on her. After the first few hits, he started talking, telling me what he was doing as he was doing it, and why. I was fascinated. The sight of her sitting there and obviously enjoying what he was doing to her had me mesmerized. Even with him talking to me, the two seemed to have a sort of connection that I’d never seen before. It excited me.” He seemed lost in his memories, so I remained silent waiting for him to finish. “It became a sort of ritual, and before I knew what was happening, I began to look forward to coming back from class and finding them. It didn’t take long for Daren to start including me once he realized I was interested. Sometimes I think I learned more outside of the classroom during my college days than I did inside of it,” he chuckled.

“It sounds like quite the introduction to the lifestyle. Do you ever regret it?”

“No,” he answers, and I can tell there is no doubt present.

I nod, and decide it’s time to get back to my list. “Another reader question. ‘Even with Brianna being a terribly injured and troubled soul, how are you restraining yourself when you so clearly want her?’”

He sighed and sat back in his chair. “I ask myself that same question on a daily bases, but in the end the answer is the same. I can’t bring myself to harm her more. Until she is ready for more, if that ever happens, I will continue to endure what I have to. I care too much for her to do anything else.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his response. He smiles back.

Looking down at my notes again, I find a more business related question to ask. “How did you become so successful in business at such a young age?”

Stephan gets a distant look on his face. “After my parent’s death, The Coleman Foundation became mine. At fourteen, I was too young to run it properly, so my aunt and uncle found a temporary CEO until I graduated from college and could take over.”

“Do you enjoy what you do?”

“For the most part, yes. I like helping people. The foundation gives me that opportunity. Unfortunately, I rarely get to see those we help.” Before I can ask any more questions, he looks down at his watch. “I need to go.”

I look down at my own watch and realize that almost an hour is past. How did that happen?

“Brianna?” I ask, knowing by the look on his face that it could be nothing else. He clearly cares for her deeply.

“Yes.”

“Alright. Well thank you for answering some of the reader’s questions. I know they appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiles before getting up to leave. “If you have anymore, you know how to reach me.”

I hope you all enjoyed the interview with Stephan. He and Brianna have a long way to go, so I’m sure this won’t be the last time we hear from him. :)

If you'd like to find out more about Stephan and Brianna go to www.findingannaseries.blogspot.com. 

Kink Saved Our Marriage

Below is the story of Master Dee and his wife Kitty. They tell this real story of their lives very well with their own words so please read on. Cari Silverwood

Hi everyone,

I have been asked by the lovely folk here to share a story with you that we have previously shared with them on other forums and of course I was only to happy to oblige. My name is Master Dee, I'm sorry but we are not comfortable sharing our real names. I hope you understand. The following is the original post of my wife and sub Kitty Dee and then my reply after it, I was thinking of trying to rewrite the story but Kitty's words still ring true and I felt there was no need to change any of them.

Kitty Dee

My husband and I have been together for 16 years now and I am amazed to say that this last year has been a huge roller coaster ride.

Our journey started when we were in Grade 12, him chasing me like a lost puppy, pining and ogling me like a must needed prize. I admit, I was a bit stand-offish at first not really sure what this crazed male was all about. We became friends first and then of course I gave in to his hunting techniques. LOL. My most favorite would have to be him following behind me after a school dance night whispering in my ear "David is a figment of your imagination." David at that time was my on/off boyfriend who my hubbie at the time thought I was still going out with (a little lying on my part as I was a little too shy to say yes to his advances). I fell in love very fast after saying yes to going out with him, enjoying his dry sense of humor, his wit, his dimpled smiles that made me melt at the knees (and still do).

We dated for 4 years before he asked me to marry him, both of us only 20 at the time of our engagement. We married, me at 21 years old, him 20 still. I gave birth to his two beautiful children and life went on from there. We got comfortable in our little rut of a life, but unfortunately after having our first child emotions and problems started to happen. We stopped talking to each other and neither of us were comfortable discussing problems as we were too scared to hurt the other. Stupid you say, well I agree totally. We slowly drifted apart, just numbly going from week to week, year to year. I regressed into my books and friends, he regressed into his computer games. We would snap at each other once in a while but never tell each other what we felt.

I won't go into our ins and outs of our arguments' as I feel they are a very personal thing. All you need to know is that we pretty much got to the point where I despised him and actually couldn't stand being around him. He was depressed and lonely and both of us got very close to walking out on each other.

Then he found Cherise Sinclair's Shadowlands novels on the iPad. I came home one night from work to have a message texted to me. "We need to talk." My heart dropped immediately thinking the worst. He was leaving me. I walked into the house, my heart literally jumping out of my throat when he shows me the books. You know, I didn't feel any better. He wanted to know why I hadn't told him I was interested in the BDSM scene, that I never tell him anything. It all just fell out from there.

We talked, we cried, we talked. It went on for a few weeks, both of us slowly admitting what our problems were with each other, why we felt the way we did. I tell you, it was very hard. I am not used to talking about personal stuff, even with my hubbie. At the start texting was the easiest cause then at least you could get it across the way you meant it and not fumble and make an idiot of yourself. Slowly but surely our trust in each other grew and eventually we gave up on the texting and just plain said it to each others faces. I still now find myself wanting to hold back on telling him stuff but then think, 'No, do not go down that path again.'

After sorting our relationship shit he asked again about my BDSM interests. Honestly, before reading Cherise's books I looked at BDSM as most people do, perverted sick crap. I shake my head at that thought now finally understanding what it is all about. Reading Cherise's books opened another world to me and it piqued my interest like I never thought it would. I understand there are some BDSM practices out there that will never interest me and definitely make me squirm and quite honestly cringe, but each to their own.

I found out that hubbie was always interested in it but didn't ever think I would be. We talked about what interested us, which I must admit was very hard to say. When it comes to sex I find myself very private and even embarrassed. Stupid hey? LOL. Well, apparently not anymore.

We had two weeks of trial BDSM practices in the house. I knew straight from the start that I was not interested in the Dom role and hubbie said he was interested in both roles. I was very surprised to come home one day to find he had done a whole heap of searching on the subject and had done up a set of rules for me as his sub. While the kids were awake we had our normal roles, but once they were asleep I was to prepare myself in my collar and cuffs and kneel waiting for Master's instructions. We did this every night for about two weeks when I found myself pulling away from him again. I felt crowded and controlled and was not liking it.

Again I shut into myself and stopped talking but hubbie was not having that ever again. So he pushed, and pushed and I finally broke and explained the problem. I felt smothered and was not liking that I had no freedom at all. We discussed, we argued, we disagreed and then in the end agreed on a rule. Our first role was pretty much Dom/Slave and as much as I enjoyed it initially I found in the long run I did need my freedom still. So now I am Master's Sub and he is my Dom and I would never go back on any of it.

I can say no to play nights if I am tired or want to do something else like write or read, etc. We usually discuss it during the day what we are feeling like doing that night. But once we have agreed on a play night Master takes the reins and I am at his mercy. Just the way I like it.

Our toy collection has grown amazingly huge, us having to buy a lock up box to hide from any prying eyes. Over this learning time we have learnt each other’s boundaries, mine especially. I would never ever have thought I would be into some of the things that we do. As the weeks go by I find myself falling more and more in love with my hubbie/Master. He worships my body with the lust of a sex raged teenager and of course I love it to the max. Both our confidences in the bedroom have soared so high. I find myself sitting back and looking at him sometimes and just cannot stop grinning like the cheshire cat. Who would ever think that BDSM would save my marriage. And to think we have wasted 16 years of vanilla sex. Sheesh!!!! LOL.

Master Dee

This is a bit more of our story.

It was very scary by the end of our rut. It got to the point of us both staying because of the kids and fear of being alone. All because we had given up on talking out problems years before, we were never abusive to each other but we definitely were emotionally neglecting each other. I would get home and jump into my games and Kitty would sort out the kids and dinner and then go read books or chat online. We both had our friends that provided our social interactions mine in-game and hers on Facebook and work. I wouldn't say that starting a BDSM relationship saved our marriage but finding those books got us talking again and that was what saved us. 5 or so years of shutting each other out got turned around in about a week just through letters and texts and then some real conversations. It probably wouldn't have worked if we didn't still love each other so much deep down, for me at least it was getting to breaking point because I honestly didn't know what to do to "fix" things and couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

One of the most important things I learnt from it was to not let issues get swept under the rug and to keep pushing until Kitty opened up, I think that changed the way I communicate with Kitty and now will hound her until she tells me what's happening even when she says everything's fine. I trust my gut feelings and go with them and I'm usually spot on, in the past I would give up when Kitty said it is nothing or that's not true. The worst point was when I accused her of cheating, I knew she wouldn't but my gut was telling me I had lost her and she had been talking to a guy friend a lot so my jealousy and fears warped my feelings and I ended up hurting Kitty which made me feel like a total douche. I have since come to realize and Kitty has confirmed that I was losing her and while my accusations were way off my gut was still getting the right message, it just got warped by my brain.

I now listen to my gut and don't let my feelings get warped by fear or insecurities which has led to a lot of open and truthful discussions between us. The realization of our shared BDSM interests was a wonderful side benefit of getting our lives back on track.

Now it's another 2 months down the road and we are still very happily getting our kink on, we've even ventured into our fantasies and had our first threesome with another male which was an amazing experience and really reinforced for me the amount of trust we have gained from this lifestyle. In the past I would not have even been able to imagine myself in that situation without getting jealous.

Don't get me wrong we are still first and foremost a married couple with kids and we have our good days and our bad days. We can be horny all day texting back and forth only to have it ruined by one of the kids deciding to act up and throw tantrums at bedtime. Other times though we have... well let’s just say "A really good time!"

Thanks for reading and good luck in your own journey.

D

Please bear in mind that this is one person’s viewpoint and you should always do your own research.

Safe, sane and consensual, as always.

A link to a good information site about BDSM http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

It's not all about the kink.

Forgive me for randomness of thoughts and typos today, I'm waging a war with a sinus infection. Not fun.

One of the things I love about being involved in BDSM in our area is that we have cultivated a fantastic group of friends locally that we otherwise never would have met. People with wicked senses of humor who can look at a kitchen store utensil selection with the same twisted eye that I can.

I also love that this group of people is one of the most welcoming and helpful bunch you'll ever hope to meet. I remember when I was a newbie, and went to one of my first play parties. I was asking a Dom about his floggers, and he started showing me different ones and explaining them to me. Within five minutes, I was literally surrounded by about a half-dozen Doms, all showing off their floggers and explaining them. It was sweet and funny all at the same time. And no, not a single one of them propositioned me.

Another Dom friend of mine helped me learn how to use a singletail, gave me several lessons with it. He also introduced me to fire cupping, something I am now addicted to because it really helps my fibro pain. (This is also an ancient Chinese medical practice.)

I'm also frequently asked by people, "How do I find a Dom?"

Frankly, you first need to make friends. Sometimes, people end up in "sub frenzy," so desperate to have that D/s relationship that they check their brains at the door and get themselves into trouble. It's far better to cultivate a wide group of diverse friends in the lifestyle FIRST. Because honestly? It's like any other relationship. If you can't be friends with someone first, anything deeper, especially a BDSM relationship, just isn't possible. And in this case, not only is it not possible, it's potentially dangerous.

I know it's scary to go to your first Munch or play party, but believe me, everyone felt that way their first time. Find whoever is in charge, tell then you're new and nervous, and they will be more than happy to either show you around and introduce you, or they will help you meet people who can give you that attention. No, not every group is a good fit for every person, but the people who fit in best are those who go in with no expectations and aren't "on the hunt" for someone to play with. The people who invariably fit in best are those who come in with open minds, honesty, and the ability to rein in their libido and act like an adult without bringing drama into the group.

Honestly, I really find I prefer my kinky friends now. I can totally be myself around them, and they accept me for who I am the same way I accept them for who they are. There's no need to have some "big secret" hanging over my head that I have to worry about if it'll offend them or not. Conversations can take any direction and, with maybe the exception of politics and religion, there's little chance of someone getting offended. Not to say that all conversations are kink-related. On the contrary, it's not unusual to be standing at a play party, with people playing all around, with the most mundane of conversations going on.

Yes, it's definitely not what a lot of people would expect. LOL

So if you've been "scared" to get out in the local crowd and meet people, don't be. They were where you now are. And if you just go in with an open mind and a willingness to learn, chances are you could make some life-long friends.

(Tymber Dalton is a bestselling author and BDSM lifestyle switch. You can find more about her, including her latest releases, at www.tymberdalton.com )

Wicked Wednesday Excerpt from 'The Breaker's Concubine' by Ann Mayburn

Prince Devnar of Jensia is goaded into raiding the wrong space ship, springing a trap that captures him for use as a Royal pleasure slave, a Concubine, on Kyrimia. He vows  to do everything he can to escape and keep from forming a psychic bond with his captors that would render him absolutely and totally in love. This proves difficult to do when  the female Breaker assigned to turn him into a Concubine, Melania, is the epitome of his perfect woman.

  Melania has been raised and trained to help reluctant and abused Novices to break through their personal blocks and attain the ultimate prize of becoming a Concubine.  When she is given Devnar to train, she finds herself in danger of doing the forbidden and falling in love with her Novice. This angry, scarred, and utterly seductive male tests  her self-control like no other.

  Devnar and Melania find themselves at the heart of a galaxy wide political battle that will test a love that they must not acknowledge, and cannot live without, to its very limits.

In this excerpt Devnar is having his first battle of wills with Melania...and failing miserably.

“You are mine to play with,” Melania whispered against Devnar's chest, her lips trailing over his skin. “I will give you pleasure like you never imagined. All I ask in return is your complete obedience. Let yourself go; let me make the decisions. The only thing I want you to do is feel.”

He clenched his hands into fists and jerked at the magnetic restraints holding him to the wall before he gave her a glare that had reduced grown men to tears. Instead of being scared, she licked her lower lip in a gesture that left it soft and wet. Just like he imagined her pussy was, trapped beneath her leathers.

He turned his head to the side; he refused to give her the satisfaction of watching what her touch did to him. It felt damned good. He never would have anticipated those small hunks of metal in his nipples could bring him so much pleasure. “I belong to no one.”

The soft breath of her laughter moved to the sensitive skin on the side of his ribs. “You’re mine until I say otherwise.” She punctuated her words with a sharp tug on his nipple.

“Bitch,” he whispered. Her leather-clad hips brushed his erection, and he shook with the need to press into her.

“I can taste your desire,” she said in her husky voice. “It’s like candy on my tongue.”

Her mouth latched on to his nipple, playing with the ring and breaking his self-control. Even as he thrust against her, he cursed himself for his weakness. The tip of her clever tongue soothed his aching flesh, and he strained against his bonds.

She pulled back, and he instantly missed her lips on him. “Look at me.”

Spice and musk radiated from her now. She was so ready for him. He bet the crotch of her leather suit was soaked with her juices. It really irritated him that on the outside, she could appear so calm and poised. Deliberately he turned his head away from her and stared at the floral arrangement at the other side of the room.

Laughter greeted his defiance and angered him further. With a husky purr, she closed her hand around his cock and gave it a hard squeeze. “Look at me.”

He somehow managed to keep his head turned even as his erection thrust into her palm. Soft as silk, her skin brought all the nerves in his prick to life. Slowly she stroked him in silence until his sac drew tight and his body slammed into her small fist. Goddess, he wanted to bend her over and fuck her in the worst way.

Her hand moved away, leaving him straining against the air as his cock ached for release.

“Look at me.”

The deep throb in his balls tormented him almost as much as her scent. “No.”

“Devnar,” she murmured and pressed her body fully against his. “I’m not doing this to torment you. I’m doing this to free you of yourself.”

“You’re doing this because it excites you,” he spat out and turned to look at her as she jumped back from him. “You said you can taste my desire? Well, I can smell your hot cunt from across the room.”

She gaped at him, a faint blush staining her pale cheeks. It was the first real expression he had ever seen from her.

“That’s right. I can smell how much you want me.” He rolled his hips, and her gaze darted to his cock before flashing back up to his face.

“I must have spilled some of the aphrodisiac.” She squared her shoulders and tried to regain her footing.

Satisfaction quirked his lips into a smile as she attempted to lie to herself. The other trainers hadn’t hidden their arousal from him, but then again, they hadn’t been breakers. He had no idea why the thought of being aroused by him embarrassed her, but he would try to exploit what he perceived to be a weakness. She certainly hadn’t been self-conscious when she’d suckled his nipples and made his prick want to explode.

“I’m looking at you,” he taunted. “Why don’t you come over here and finish what you started.” Her nostrils flared, and he laughed. “Imagine how good I would taste if you could actually make me come.”

This broke her indecision, and she grabbed his aching cock hard in her fist. “You will come when I say you will.”

Not responding to her threat, he rocked his erection in and out of her fist. This was going so wrong so fast, but he was helpless to stop. She remained frozen before him, watching his cock shuttle through her slender fingers, unable to fully grip his girth. So beautiful. He wanted to bury his hands in that amazing long hair and come all over her face.

She took a deep breath and loosened her grip so only the barest friction was there. He growled deep in his throat and ordered, “Finish me.”

“Beg for it,” she replied and held his gaze.

“Fuck you,” he said and then groaned as her touch turned featherlight. He followed her hand as she removed it from his aching cock and slowly licked her palm. The shocking pink of her tongue had him sucking in his breath. When her slick palm stroked him, he threw his head back and tried to pull the magnets holding his wrists out of the wall. Faster now, she played with his prick with a deft touch that left him panting and sweating. Even the pleasure slaves they had used on him hadn’t known how to work his body like this little female did.

She’d bring him to the edge, then pull back and leave him one good jerk away from coming. His balls really did ache now, and he wanted nothing more than to empty himself all over her. To mark her with his scent and make her his. That thought should have alarmed him, but he was past caring. All his attention focused on the female and what she was doing to his body.

“Suck me, and I’ll beg.” There, it wasn’t quite begging. In fact he was making her do something. Yeah, right.

Her breath came out in a soft rush. “Beg me.”

He couldn’t give in, he couldn’t let her—those thoughts shattered as her other incredibly soft hand stroked his sac. “Please.”

“Not good enough.”

Gritting his teeth, he shook a drop of sweat out of his eye. His whole body gleamed with a mixture of sweat and oil as his cock throbbed in pain. “Please, Melania. Please make me come. Let me empty myself down that pretty throat.”

If you'd like to see more, including a much bigger version of the cover, please check out my website at www.annmayburn.com 

Thanks!

Ann