Sometimes a man's just gotta take charge

We so often see the extremes in BDSM, and while the super tough Doms can be stimulating and exciting and down right delicious, there is a different type of dominance too often neglected or overlooked in today's romance. That guy so naturally in charge he doesn't need a label to categorize him. He's the man who commands a woman's attention even if he scares her, steals her breath, or makes her want to run. This is the type that I want in my everyday life. The kind who generates shivers the moment he walks into the room. The man who blows my mind with a look or a whispered command. The kind who will back off and let a woman run if she needs to only to be there to catch her if she stumbles. This type of Alpha male used to be incredibly popular in romance, but now seems to have stepped back in favor of the sadist (can be a little much for daily enjoyment) or the Beta (someone please give this hero a backbone).

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The Sturgis Rally Riders Series explores the everyday types of dominate heroes/heroines. From the older man who meets a virgin's "daddy" fetish whether she openly admits she has one or not (Runaway Virgin), to the sexy Domme willing to train a newbie sub to the joys found in a bit of pain (Whipped Puppy), to the neglected and protective husband pushed to his limit who convinces his love to face her fears (Public Adoration), and finally the natural dominate strong enough to shove back when a woman pushes all his buttons (Beautiful Ink). When I wrote the series, the intention was to look at the different types of people who come to the Sturgis Motorcycle classic, but all the heroes/heroines seemed to want the boundaries inherent in a Dom/sub relationship.  While many come to the rally to escape the daily grind or tour the gorgeous Black Hills, most check their inhibitions at the edge of town. The series is a testament to the raw sexuality that throbs just beneath the surface.

This week, April 8 - 12, the entire series is FREE. So don't miss out.
Here's what some readers have said about the individual titles.

Runaway Virgin - I happen to enjoy any book that incorporates any use of Dominance and the other party showing obvious submission. It is hot, it is alluring, and without the bondage elements, for me, makes it that much hotter. The fact that you are TOLD what to do, and you must comply with no assistance--yummy to the tenth power.

Whipped Puppy - Katalina has made me a believer, and she sort of makes me want a Domme to take a whack at me.

Public Adoration - What is a man to do to convince his wife he thinks she is sexy?? Well public sex of course. I know it may sound like I'm making fun of this, but this is one of the sexiest scenes I have read. 

Beautiful Ink - I loved the heroine's sassy mouth and the heroes take control attitude. I have to say I read this during lunch at work and needed a soda to cool off but wished I had a bullet on me to slake the itch this read left me with.

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For those who want to know more about Jet and his cowboy way of protecting a filly without breaking her, Bella Ink is now available. 

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Is there an age requirement to be a good Dom?

Recently I've been reading a lot about the age of Doms and how many people would never consider someone under the age of, for instance, thirty years old to be a "real Dom". Most of the reasons given for this opinion have to do with maturity and experience. I agree, to a certain extent. I've seen men on sites like FetLike who are 18, 20 etc and calling themselves Doms. At that young, it doesn't seem to me that a man can be everything a Dom should be. I believe Doms do need to have a certain amount of life experience before they can be a good Dom. But what's the "magic number"? Is there one?

In the book I'm writing currently, my Dom is twenty-seven. He's one of the youngest Doms I've ever written. I think Conner from Impact was between twenty-five and twenty-eight, but Jack from Caught and Ryan from Master Class were both in their thirties. Will has a few insecurities/hang-ups/whatever you want to call them because he isn't quite as emotionally mature as my older Doms. I'm not a big fan of writing the uber-Dom anyway, so my Doms tend to have doubts, but in Will's case some of his even stem from the idea that he's not sure he NEEDS BDSM in his life. Can he be happy without it if his lover isn't into it?

How much experience does a man need before he can fully grasp the crucial aspects of BDSM - particularly the psychological aspects? (By the way, I use man as a catch-all - the same points go for women as Dommes.) Can someone who's only a few years out of college really understand and be able to translate into practice all the nuances of BDSM?

I'm not saying they can't - just posing the question. So what do you think?

I released Unexpected Top on January 18th, and it's got a bit of a different slant to BDSM. The heroine initiates a female-led relationship (similar to Taken in Hand) to try to save her marriage. For more information on that or any of my other books, check out my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

-- Cassandra

The tricks and treats of changing titles

Today, my book Master Class released. I'm really excited about it, but I thought you guys might like to a little behind-the-scenes look at some of the things that go on before a book is published.

Loose Id put out their holiday submissions call in August (they have to do it that far in advance to have the books ready by December) and I decided to write another story for it. Last year I wrote Caught, which was successful beyond my wildest dreams, and I wanted to try my hand at BDSM again.

I sent in a proposal, and Loose Id contracted the book. *whoa* That was the first time I'd ever had a book accepted on proposal. Very cool, but also very pressure-filled. So then, in ten days I wrote the 45k first draft. It was crazy. This book was literally pulled out of me. That had never happened before either.

As I was writing, I knew one of the major themes of the book was how Ryan discovers BDSM and how much he enjoys it. The title "Awakening" came to me and I thought it was perfect. In late August I turned Awakening in at around 47k.

My editor emailed me a few weeks later and said, "We're all set, but we need to change the title." Uh-oh. I've had titles changed a few times - every author has, but what to change it to? I loved Awakening! But another Loose Id book about a year ago had a similar title, so I had to give it up.

I turned to my critique partners, and between Annabeth Albert and I, we came up with Master Class. Ryan is a college professor, so "class" seemed appropriate, and of course he's a new Dom. His sub doesn't call him Master, but Sir Class doesn't quite have the same ring. Plus, there's an actual thing in college called a Master Class, so that fit too. We suggested it to Loose Id, they loved it, and Master Class was born!

Here's the blurb and an excerpt from Master Class:


Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

EXCERPT:
“What the fuck is an acceptable costume to wear to a Halloween party at a BDSM club?” Ryan Tomasi muttered aloud to himself. He did that a lot these days, since he lived alone after his recent divorce. “Sheesh.”
From his Internet research, he knew people who practiced BDSM—the term “practice” cracked him up every time—already dressed in some pretty outrageous outfits. Between the leather daddies and the pony play, as well as the other strange getups he’d seen online, Ryan wasn’t sure what to think. Full-body latex encasement? He shuddered.
But one thing was clear. He couldn’t keep fucking random women and feel good about it or himself. The whole mess had started after Ryan’s now ex-wife had blindsided him with divorce papers about a year ago, saying she didn’t love him anymore. The fact he’d loved her and had wanted to work on the marriage apparently wasn’t good enough, and Ryan found himself living in a rented house with nothing but his recliner and a futon to sleep on. Over the past year, he’d done what he could to rebuild his life, and now it was time to take the next step.
Ryan needed to find someone for more than a one-night stand and, it seemed, someone who wanted to submit to him, since he’d found he really liked some of this BDSM stuff, especially the dominating side. He felt like a fool on the bar scene, and he really wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of guy, though that had been his MO lately. He’d never even known there was a whole formal “thing” like BDSM until his friend Jack, a fellow professor at the college where Ryan taught English literature, had asked one day, while Ryan was lamenting his pathetic sex life, if he’d ever engaged in any BDSM activities. Ryan had been taken aback, to say the least. He’d thought that kind of thing was limited to porn. Real people didn’t get kinky like that, did they? Hell, he’d gotten married at twenty-two and had been with his ex-wife for almost fifteen years. It appeared he didn’t know shit about sex—kinky sex scene in particular.
Ryan had been shocked when Jack offered to let Ryan see what his submissive, Callie, and Jack did in some of their “scenes” so that Ryan could get a feel for what domination was all about. Jack didn’t allow any actual intercourse or other sexual contact between him and Callie when they got together, which Ryan totally understood, so there was a little bit missing from what he wanted to experience after reading how great the sex could be.
But just watching the way Jack dealt with Callie, and then having the opportunity to try a bunch of things out himself during subsequent play sessions with the two of them, had given Ryan a light at the end of what had been a very dark tunnel since the ex had walked out on him. He believed he’d finally found what he was looking for; what he’d been missing his entire life. The high from a woman submitting to him was the most natural, yet most powerful thing he’d ever felt, and Callie wasn’t even his submissive. What would that feel like?
Shaking out of his reverie, Ryan decided reinforcements were in order and called Jack. “Hey, man.”
“What’s up?”
“Am I interrupting anything?” He was almost afraid to ask.
Jack laughed. “If you’re asking me if Callie is tied up somewhere waiting for me to fuck her six ways to Sunday, no, you’re not interrupting anything. That’s later.”
“TMI, dude, TMI. Anyway, I need help.”
“You need a lot more than help.”
“Yeah, yeah. Seriously, I need to know what a Dom should wear to this Halloween party.”
“Uh, clothes? Usually only the submissives are naked.”
“Are you going to help or not? You’re the one who said I should go to this.” Ryan knew Jack was just messing with him, but as this Halloween party was his “coming out” of sorts as a Dom, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself.
“All right. I’ll take pity on you. What types of costumes are you looking at? What will make you feel comfortable?”
Ryan snorted. “Not sure anything can do that. I’m nervous as hell.”
“Remember, a Dom needs to portray an air of confidence. If you don’t, no sub is going to trust you enough to play with you.”
“I know. And by the time I get there, I’m sure I’ll be a lot calmer. I’ve been pretty good when I’ve played with Callie, haven’t I?”
Ryan could practically see the smirk on Jack’s face.
“Yeah, but I was there too. She knows better than to disobey me and that I would keep the play safe. Goes back to that trust issue. Plus, you didn’t have any sexual contact or anything that might’ve freaked you out. Speaking of that, you got your medical test results, right?”
“Yeah. Sent them to the club the other day.”
“Good. They won’t let you in unless you can prove you’re clean. Now, back to the costume. How about something easy like a police officer or a soldier? Some take-charge type of thing would be fitting.”
“Oh, I like the idea of a soldier.” Soldiers were powerful, respected—everything Ryan thought a Dom should project. It was the perfect costume to convey the image he wanted during his first public play. Ryan quickly typed that into the search engine of the costume store. “Awesome. They have a pretty cool one.”
“See how simple it is, once you’re not freaking out? I know this is all new and a little scary for you, but remember, kinksters are people too.”
“Yeah, yeah. You guys are going to be there, right?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t let you go into the big, bad world of BDSM all by yourself. Also, I’m your sponsor, so you can’t get in without me anyway this first time.”
“Okay, cool. See you then. And thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“Anytime.”
Jack hung up, and Ryan looked over the costume specs. It had a camouflage shirt and pants, along with a set of dog tags. He had black boots already for when he did stuff around the house. Though he wasn’t imposing by any means at five-nine and one-eighty, he wasn’t tiny either. Hopefully the costume would make him look like a bit of a badass. He flexed his bicep. Maybe allow him to show off the muscles he was just starting to develop with regular workouts at the gym over the past several months.
* * * *
On Halloween night Ryan dressed in his costume and drove to the club. Jack and Callie were waiting just inside the doors, and when Jack saw him approach, he spoke to the bouncer, who waved Ryan through without a word. Jack was clad as Zorro, and Callie’s dress, if you could call it that, was liberally scored with slashes. It looked more like a bunch of black bandages than anything else, and Ryan wondered how long Jack would allow her to remain clothed. If he knew Jack—and he felt he did after playing with him several times and spending hours talking to him about BDSM and a whole host of other topics—not long.
He wasn’t sure what was appropriate to say to Callie, so he forced his gaze away from her and greeted Jack, who grinned.
“You can tell her she looks hot. It’s not like you’ve never seen her naked.”
Ryan smiled, relaxing. He pivoted back to her. “You look hot, Callie.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Shall we?”
Jack gestured toward the door at the end of the short hall, and Ryan could hear a bass beat pounding from the other side. He nodded, swallowing thickly. Ryan needn’t have worried, though. As soon as he stepped into the room and looked around, his nerves settled.
I’m home.
The people around him were engaged in all manner of things, but even a cursory glance at the various scenes playing out before him made him finally feel like he was normal. He wasn’t a freak for wanting sex and control like this, despite what his ex-wife had said when he’d suggested some pretty mild stuff to spice up their sex life.
“What do you think?” his friend shouted over the music.
“It’s fucking perfect.” Ryan couldn’t have kept that note of awe out of his voice even if he’d tried.
Jack laughed. “I figured you’d say that. I’ll give you a tour, but we need to do one thing first.”
“What’s that?”
“Lose the shirt. You’ll look way more Dom-ish without it.”
“Dom-ish?” Callie repeated with a chuckle.
“You behave before I decide to leash you,” Jack threatened. “Or maybe we can give Ryan here some more practice with that paddle you hate so much.”
She looked down. “Whatever would please you, Master.”
“Seeing your beautiful ass bright red and ready to be fucked would please me greatly, but we need to babysit Ryan for a bit longer before we can play.”
Ryan pulled off his shirt and stuffed it into his brand-new toy bag. Who would’ve thought a duffel bag he got at an academic conference would come in handy to hold the instruments of pain and pleasure he’d spent a small fortune on?
He followed Jack through the club as the other man pointed out the public play area, the theme rooms, and the staircase to the private rooms upstairs. Then they all went to the bar, which served no alcohol so as to keep the clubgoers sober for play, as Jack explained in answer to Ryan’s puzzled question. They procured soft drinks—drinks were included in the price of the membership—and found a comfy couch that was close enough to the public play area that Ryan had a good view of several scenes taking place. Jack and Ryan sat, and Callie settled on a cushion in front of her Dom.
“That girl,” Jack said, pointing to a submissive tied to a St. Andrew’s cross as a man whipped her from thighs to shoulders, “is a hard-core masochist. As you can see, she’s not wearing a collar, so she’s not owned, but stay away from her. Until you get more comfortable with impact play, all you’ll do is frustrate both of you.”
Ryan nodded, forcing himself not to wince as the man laid another welt on her ass.
“That one,” his friend continued with a jerk of his head at another submissive, “is a horrible topper-from-the-bottom. She’s definitely not a good fit for you as a beginner. I’m not really sure why any Dom would play with her. It would drive me batty to have a sub questioning my every order.”
Jack dismissed a few more for one reason or another as they sipped their beverages. There weren’t a ton of subs running around without collars, and Ryan was beginning to believe none of them would pass Jack’s muster.
“She’s a pretty one,” Jack remarked, and Ryan followed his gaze. He nearly swallowed his can of soda pop whole. Pretty didn’t begin to describe the woman. She was a few inches shorter than him, from what he could tell in his current position, and had enough meat on her bones to be curvy. If he was going to be tying a woman up and fucking the hell out of her, he wanted to be sure her ribs wouldn’t crack at the slightest provocation.
Her long brown hair was piled on top of her head, leaving the slim column of her neck exposed. Ryan loved to nibble on women’s necks, and if he had this one restrained, he’d happily spend hours torturing her in that spot. She was wearing what looked like a harem girl outfit, with a jeweled bra and flouncy, gauzy pants. From the looks of things, Ryan was pretty sure she was naked underneath them.
Jack had been speaking with Callie but straightened up. “Callie said her name is Lisette, and she’s an experienced submissive who hasn’t been to the club as far as Callie knows since her split with her Dom a while back. She’s not owned, as you can see from the fact she’s not collared. The lack of a collar doesn’t always mean a sub is not owned, but at open parties like this, all owned submissives must be collared. As you know,” he continued with a grin in Callie’s direction, “some of us can be possessive bastards, and it cuts down on potential problems.”
“Makes sense,” Ryan murmured. His friend’s eyes suddenly widened a little in anticipation, and Ryan turned in the direction of his gaze.
“Hey, do you mind if we go take advantage of that spanking bench? At these parties, equipment doesn’t stay empty long.”
“No, go ahead.”
Jack helped Callie up and landed a hard swat on her ass. “Go get it for us, pet. I’ll be right over.” He turned to Ryan. “Feel free to watch us or anyone else. We should be back within a half hour or so. Callie’s been naughty lately and needs a good dose of the belt.”
Winking, he walked away, and Ryan laughed. Before Jack had agreed to bring Ryan here for public play, he’d insisted on several private sessions at the house he and Callie shared, so Ryan knew Callie’s favorite implement was the belt. He doubted she would be too upset if Jack used it tonight.
A completely naked woman, save for a collar, came by and took their empty soda cans. Ryan gave her a small smile but kept his attention focused on the scenes unfolding around him. Jack was busy tying Callie to the spanking bench, and the masochistic woman was still being whipped—Ryan couldn’t hold back his wince this time at a particularly hard strike—and a male submissive was going to town on his Mistress’s pussy like he was mining for gold. Turning away from them, he saw a female submissive strapped to what Jack had called a bondage table with cane marks decorating her ass in perfectly spaced lines and her Dom’s dick in her mouth. He’d never tried caning, but it looked interesting, if a little scary. Hell, almost everything looked interesting right now.
Ryan continued to watch as Jack bared Callie’s ass and started out lightly flicking the belt across it. He’d explained to Ryan how important it was to warm the bottom up by bringing the blood to the surface to prevent bruising, and Ryan had spent long hours in the past couple of weeks practicing with a pillow and the strap he’d ordered along with the other stuff Jack had said he’d need to be able to play. The club had a nice selection of implements lined up on the walls of the public play area, but Jack had recommended he get used to his own so he didn’t make a mistake and hurt a submissive.
He was just about to rise and make his way back to the bar when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. The submissive Callie had called Lisette knelt directly in front of him, a bottle of water laid on her upturned palms. Ryan raised an eyebrow.

Copyright 2012, Cassandra Carr

Buy link: http://www.loose-id.com/master-class.html

My links:
Website: http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCassandraCarr
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/cassandra_carr

Inside the mind of a submissive man

When I asked for topics you guys wanted to see on this blog, one that came up was how a submissive man thinks/feels, etc. I thought that would be fascinating, and a friend offered to ask two of her friends who are submissive (at times -one is actually a switch) a bunch of questions. Here are the questions and the guys' answers. I want to thank both of them for their incredible candor and insight.

1. It seems like many people envision women being submissive and men being dominant. You're a male submissive. What do you think sets you apart from men who are dominant?

ANSWER: As a switch who bottoms/subs to women, I think what sets me apart from a male dominant is a willingness to accept that I don't have to be in control all the time. The times I can take control and work my will on someone are great, but that doesn't have to be all the time for me. I can give the drivers seat over and feel fine about it, in certain instances.

ANSWER: First off, I do not consider myself a "male submissive". Beyond my parents (and we have all submitted to 'them" at one time or another) I have never submitted to anyone but my one and only Mistress. I have long lived as the god of my own universe, captain of the ship of me, and as such have never sought out anyone to take over those duties and responsibilities. Yet, since the age of 8 or so, I've had sexually charged fantasies about being overwhelmed by bossy, arrogant, dominant women. 
I kept that side of myself hid for so many years, and finally had to experience it so I could keep growing as a person. I met the woman who became my Mistress my first night at a club, and we soon fell in love, and decided to form a life together. She is the only one I ever submit to, so that is an exception in my life, and remains so. I should add that my sub-ness is entirely connected to sex, and sexual energy for me. So I am very much a role player who ended up in a 24/7 D/S relationship cuz of love. 
Recently I have discovered I am a switch. A girl I know and am close to inspires this side of me, and for the first time I have been truly experimenting with being dominant, and am enjoying its reality in myself. Does this mean I am now a Dominant male? No, the fact that I do it with one person does not warrant such a broad all-encompassing term, the same way submitting to one person does not warrant calling myself "submissive". I can go to these places when the chemistry is right with the right people. 
As for a difference between myself and dominant males - my experience so far has shown me that many who identify as dominant often live with the frustration of feeling relatively impotent in other areas, disrespected, weak, having to eat other people's shit, etc. They turn to others who desire to be, or identify as submissive to help work thru these issues, and to feel a kind of power over another human being they rarely if ever can get anywhere else. So the distinguishing quality is not being dominant per se, but the NEED to feel, and be, dominant.
Many who identify as submissive, on the other hand (and this characterizes how I see myself, too) feel very much in control of their daily lives, exercise direction, responsibility, even authority, and therefore want to feel the voluptuous pleasure of laying that down, giving it to another (power exchange) and feeling it turned upon them. 
A supreme form of general confidence allows me to overcome any fear that might stand in the way of me doing this - giving power to another person. In this case, my Mistress. In a nutshell, submissives to me often seem more relaxed and confident in a general sense than many dominants, who are often concerned with questions of power and perception and having to live up to an ideal.

2. Are there differences you can see between male and female submissives?

ANSWER: Not many. Submission is a mindset, not something that I've seen be defined more by gender. Generally, I'd say the type of play the submissive can endure, but that's not true either, because I've seen some female bottoms take beatings that some male bottoms would safe word out of right damn quick.

ANSWER: Not really, aside from societal prejudices, i.e. the way they might be treated. I know some female submissives that prefer this dynamic in any and every relationship they have, whereas all males I know who identify with the S side want it only with particular women, and are fine with being switchy or dominant in other contexts. This is just my experience so far, tho.

3. What is your favorite part of being a male submissive?

ANSWER: Knowing that, when I'm in a submissive space, someone is taking care of me, and I am making her happy because of that. Whatever that entails.

ANSWER: The sex. More specifically, the power of the play and the sex, especially when in the context of a 24/7 dynamic (and no one, male or female / dominant or submissive, can be one thing All the time) I could also say the joy of being with and serving a wonderful woman I love and admire, but I would feel that way even without the D/S. I like doing things for the ones I love, and that's not always a "submissive" thing, rather a Love and "I'm good at this particular thing" thang.

4. Do you ever encounter any negativity from people in the lifestyle because you're submissive? What about if someone who's not in the lifestyle finds out?

ANSWER: Not really, mainly because I try to avoid people who make instant judgments about a person based on their role in the lifestyle. It would be like hanging around someone who thought all Doms are arrogant assholes, or someone who thought all switches were slutty tourists. As for outside the scene, I am very private with my lifestyle. Almost no one outside the scene knows what I do or how I do it, in that regard. If someone were to find out, I think they would be more focused on WHAT I was doing (BDSM) rather than HOW I was doing it.

ANSWER: I never do, probably because I carry myself well, I'm physically big and seem imposing to some, and I'm very comfortable in myself. It just never seems to be a problem. Plus most people know and respect my Mistress as well, so it has always worked out smoothly social-ness wise. And plenty of others I know outside of the lifestyle have found out, and they have all expressed surprise that I would be submissive in this. I apparently come across quite the opposite. And that's no surprise per answer #1.

5. What kind of dominant woman turns you on the most? What turns you off?

ANSWER: Confidence, and the knowledge they can handle me when I bottom. I get very...primal when I bottom hard, and I don't bottom unless I'm going to go hard. Those are the main turn-ons for me. Turn-off...arrogance. Someone who thinks their shit doesn't stink is going to put me off right away.

ANSWER: My favorite kind of dominant woman is usually large breasted, even full figured, and can even have all the symbols of "bad girl-ness", i.e. tats and piercings, smokes, biker chick, possibly dangerous, hint of ex-con, proud to be physically hot white trash yet also cunning and ruthless. Let's go beyond the cosmetics and fantasy. My favorite kind of dominant woman is in control of her evil. How? She also has a big heart and a brain. 

She is also comfortable in her own skin and sexuality, and has found her sadism and dominance as a natural energy within her. The kind I don't like? Those that (like bad male dominants, too!) posture too much, all bombast and ego to cover up the fact that they haven't actually found it within themselves yet, and are trying too hard to SEEM dominant and commanding. With them I only see the inexperience, inauthenticity, the act. Give em time maybe they will find it later. Maybe not.

Truly, truly interesting stuff, don't you think? Again, I want to thank both of these men for taking the time to give detailed, insightful answers to my inquiries. I'd love to hear what you think of their answers and any experiences you've had, either as a male submissive, or dealing with a male submissive.

Writing Doms

by Cari Silverwood

Well, there you have it – writing AND Doms. Which means fiction. So now you have to decide if you want to appeal to your readers or not…you do? Right. That makes it easier. Doms are just men, of course. Which means IRL they can have just as many daft ideas as any man, or woman. They aren’t perfect, they do lie, they get gas, had acne when they were teenagers, and I’ll bet half of them have left a trail of unhappy women behind them.

But, but buuut, I hear some of you wail, that’s not like my hero Dom. For sure, but fiction is fiction.  Does that mean there are no wonderful men out there in real life who make wonderful Doms? Heck, of course there are. But they still have flaws. They are at their core, simply men who like being in control, sometimes that’s mostly in the bedroom, sometimes not.

But what do you put in your book? You, the author, gets to decide that. When you make any character in a story, you get to throw into the mix what you think you need. When writing a Dom, you just have to make sure they can still be the ideal partner for your heroine if they are the ‘hero’. We need to learn to love our partners, flaws and all. In fact in a story, it can make for so much more tension if you have those flaws to work around and perhaps even cause that black moment.

So what is it that distinguishes a Dom from another alpha male then? Not a lot, in my opinion. Like a lot of human ‘things’ or labels there is a sliding scale. Given sufficient permission by their women, a lot of alpha men would slip into Dom mode.

Certain ingredients will give you a bonafide Dom for your story. A need for control, a positive reveling in the sight of a submissive kneeling and doing as they are told. They will listen to your desires, your needs, the things that turn you on, and then they’ll take those wants of yours and crank up the tension. Safewords are for when the Dom goes just that little too far. But most of the time the submissive revels in obeying because it’s all part of the power exchange.

If you give an average alpha man instructions on what you want to happen beforehand, they may do these things to turn you on. With a Dom, expect that to go a little beyond, or to take a right angle turn into foreign territory. A Dom will like to push you. If they’re sadistic, they like to hear you squeal as well as moan. If they are simply into dominance, they like to see you not just on your knees, but licking your way up their leg to their cock. They want you on the bed with your legs spread, waiting.

An alpha will pin you against a wall and kiss you until you’re breathless. A Dom will step away and tell you to face the wall, clasp your hands together, put your arms above your head and stay there while they undo their trousers. Or maybe you’ll get to undo the zip with your teeth.

If you go too far, if your ‘Dom’ does something really wrong, like ignoring a safeword, or ignoring the feelings of his submissive, you end up with an asshole bully instead. In real life, maybe they can redeem themselves, like the Dom who insisted his submissive kneel despite knee surgery that made it agonizing for her…maybe he redeemed himself. Unlikely though.

So take care how far they go in that story. Make them human beings above all. They can be sexy controlling bastards who give your heroine a million orgasms, but always make them human.

Here’s Leonhardt from my novel, Rough Surrender, showing his Dom side.

                                                                       

The gold cords weighed heavily on her fingers as she went back into the bathroom. Mr. Meisner sat on the chair like a judge waiting for his next case...her. What was he planning? She could tell he meant to unsettle her. Well, no one had ever called her a pushover. She set her jaw.

“Here, Faith.” He held out his hand.

She gave him the cords and saw how he unraveled them while judging her reaction. It was amazing how quickly her pussy heated. All those words for her anatomy, and she sure remembered them. Cunt, cunny, cleft, vagina...dark and dirty, and my, oh, my, she liked this whole thing. Except, maybe, when he went careering off course, like now.

“Your wrist, love.”

Blinking, sure she teetered on a precipice and this dad-blasted man intended to give her a right good shove, she gave him her wrist. He urged her around until she faced away from him then took her other wrist too. Again, with the tying of her hands at her back, and she closed her eyes to savor the odd, yet delicious, want in her for handing him control. Her clitoris swelled, as if it had a mind of its own. She couldn’t help taking a deep breath at the surge of pleasure, at the scattered tingle as places woke and longed for more of his touch.

“Good,” he said, and his hand curved over her bottom, appreciating every inch, or so it seemed. She swayed, and let her tongue tip venture out onto her lip when his hand went between her legs and stayed there, like it belonged in just that place, like he had a right to be there. Oh. Yes.

“Wet,” he murmured. “Now you can kneel.”

With a hand on her elbow to steady her, Mr. Meisner helped her kneel on the towel. Standing over her with his cock an inch away, he carefully twined her hair round and round and anchored his hand within. So firm she might have been in a vice, and with her hands behind her he could do what he wished.

“How does that feel, Faith?” he asked quietly.

She looked up at him and sank into those brown eyes, floating away with the sensation of being dominated. Her tongue and brain were miles from each other. Words and thoughts mired, and tangled. A reply would spoil the moment. She shook her head as much as his grip allowed her to.

“That’s better. Lovely.” He bent down and kissed her long enough to send everything spinning. When he raised himself again, her lips were bruised and her heartbeat erratic.

“I’m going to put my cock in your mouth. Use lips, not teeth. See if you can take it all in, after a while. When I come, you’ll get a mouthful. So don’t be surprised.”

His hand held her even firmer as the head of his cock found her mouth. She opened wide then watched as it glided between her lips. She felt the strange soft, hardness poke along her tongue and then withdraw. A taste like skin, but deeper, richer.

Shutting her eyes let her feel more. She was pleasuring him the same as he’d done to her. His flesh pushed in, invaded her mouth, withdrew.

“Use your tongue,” he murmured. At the huskiness in his voice she risked a glance at his face. Mr. Meisner had a look of utter concentration. She curled her tongue and swirled all along the length as his cock cruised past. In, suck, swirl, out... He drew a long, sibilant breath and sped up the thrusts into her mouth. She twisted her hands in the cord. When she relaxed her throat, he grunted and his hands tightened in her hair. 

Yes, she could do this.

He pulled out and tilted up her head.

What now? She looked back at him while licking the taste off her lips. He chuckled, then bent down, picked her up and slung her over his shoulder. With hands tied behind her and head downward at his back, she could only wriggle.

“Mr. Meisner! Put me down.” She hissed the words through her teeth.

“Don’t move!” he smacked her once on the bottom. The sting shot through her.

“Ow!” But she stilled--landing headfirst on the floor because he’d dropped her seemed unwise. Besides, that smack had hurt.

Four or five strides and he plonked her onto the bed. More pillows were sorted, only this time he set her up with her head down and nearly dangling off the bed.

“I figured we needed you a bit more distracted, my dear. Open your mouth.”

Damnation, what was it this time? She scowled up at him but he inserted his cock into her mouth again. Only this time she felt his hand slipping along her cleft. The way he skated his fingers up and down while he pushed in and out of her mouth made her forget precisely where her tongue was, and soon, altogether which bit was anywhere, except she needed to moan and suck at the same time.

She arched her mound at his mouth or whatever part of him played wet games down there. He was inside her mouth and her pussy at the same time. As his cock forced its way in, so did fingers and tongue. She gasped around him and hummed, tried to spread her legs, clenched and tried to free her hands from where they lay under her back, and couldn’t. The throbbing heat, the slip and juicy slide almost undid her. She tensed, bowing upward as much as she could. With one last thrust, Mr. Meisner stopped with his cock as deep as it would go.

And here’s a little excerpt from Steel Dominance that is on the last few days of rewrites before it goes to my publisher.

Her voice trailed off. “Not…not here…” She pushed at his shoulders only to have him whip his other hand from behind her back, catch both her wrists and hold them to the wall above her head.

“Yes. Here.” Then he watched her as carefully as a bug collector observing a strange new butterfly while he wormed his hand between them and pushed a finger inside her.

Though she’d never seen anyone in this secluded place the possibility was there, and that both horrified and excited her. How perverted am I? No one normal would want this. But her breaths came faster and wetness cascaded from her slit with each in and out slide of his digit. Slowly waves of need stirred—making her shudder. Knowledge thumped into her—he held her pinned, helpless, with her legs spread by his.

She tried again to move her hands, but they might have been cemented there.

It seemed right to protest. “Let me go!”

Dankyo stepped away until her legs slipped from his thighs and she stood straining on tiptoe with her arms above.

“Let you go? Those words again? You know where we are, now. How it is.” Dark amusement colored his voice.  He pulled his finger from her and played with her clit, circling it as if it were a new toy. “Those words don’t work, Sofia. I have your yes. Until you take that away, you are mine. So I can do this.” He added a finger and thrust two of them up into her. “Or this.” The third joined them, sliding, finding its way between her swollen labia, stretching her vagina in an exquisite way.

Her mouth fell open in a gasp.

Without conscious thought, her hips tilted, as if she begged for more.

But I am begging. I want…

Another thrust went straight in full depth until the knuckle of his unburied finger touched her lips and his thumb bumped her clit. Then his hand beneath her shoved her a whole inch up the wall.

“Uh!” She shut her eyes.

She moaned and let herself dangle there, supported by his hand between her legs, her toenails barely scraping the ground. Him fucking her while he observed, and while he knew she was a heartbeat from saying no, made her want this even more.

“That’s…beautiful.” The male baritone depth made her jerk her eyes open.

His eyes narrowed. A smile grew as he surveyed her from her face to her breasts and then downward to where his gaze lingered at the split of her legs where he’d speared inside. More liquid spilled from her over his hand.

“Move,” she croaked, then panted some more, and did a little wiggle as she tested the iron grip on her wrists. Her walls clamped down on the hardness of his fingers.

Dankyo chuckled. “Move?” Then he came closer, covering her struggling body with his. “Be quiet.” As if to punctuate his command, he clamped his teeth on her ear lobe. The sting shocked her into stillness. “You don’t get a say in what I do. Not at all.”
To see my books go here.

Friends to Lovers - a D/s relationship with friendship at its heart

Some definitions of Dominance/ submission are here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominance_and_submission

At its core : "Dominance and submission (also called D&s, Ds, and D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals involving the giving by one individual to another individual of control over them in an erotic episode or as a lifestyle."

But essentially this is about two people’s own interpretation. Theirs is a simple and beautiful relationship.

This is another true story revolving around how BDSM has helped a marriage. B will tell the story.

So here we go…

Here’s some background about us:

J & I met over 18 years ago, in the end of 1993, the beginning of our junior year of high school. We became best friends right away and He fell in love with me, though I only wanted to be friends. At one point, we tried what I called “friends with a twist” but I soon ended it because I didn’t want to lose His friendship, which I ended up doing anyways. We were barely speaking by graduation (95), saw each other on and off until the last time in (02/97). Fast forward to 10/04, my ex had walked out almost 2 years prior and I was lonely and looking for friends only. I decided to look up J, and found a man who had been in love with me all that time. We’ve been together ever since. Our sex life has never been completely vanilla, from day two (literally) we’ve been open and very sexual with each other. We’ve always had a very very active life, and it even gets more so, even after 7+ years.

I know your marriage has only recently changed to become a D/s relationship, can you tell us what made you begin to consider this? I'm also curious as to whether either of you can recall any feelings or thoughts before this that leaned toward Dominance or submissiveness?

I was the one to bring up D/s to my Husband. I had been into reading some erotica and stumbled upon an author that I really enjoyed the series I was reading (not D/s) so I decided to read all her books and started to read about D/s. the thought of BDSM had always been something that was taboo to me, too off, too much, too weird. But when I learned about D/s on its own, I was intrigued. I especially liked the parts where the sub would sit at her master’s feet, or have her eyes downcast and be kneeling in other parts. After reading for a while, I brought it up to J, about how certain things were turning me on. He was surprised that I liked what I was reading, and asked me more about it. I explained to Him what it meant for a Dominant to take care of His sub, how and why that appealed to me, what I liked about some things that were considered the norm in a D/s relationship.

Looking back now, I can see that in a relationship, I have always preferred to be submissive. I have always tried to put my man first. An example I like to use a lot is that we would play the game “what do you want tonight for dinner? I don’t care, what do you want? Whatever you want. I HATED that, I always have. If I have an opinion, I would state it, otherwise, I truly in my heart wanted to do only what my Husband wanted to do. I wanted to put His needs, His wants, His desires in front of my own. That makes me happiest. I always enjoyed doing little things to make Him happy.

How and why did you begin changing the structure of your marriage. I'd love to know about communication and discussions you may have had because that seems to be a key point mentioned in other marriages like this.

If I remember correctly, our change was slow and subtle at first. At first, neither of us really understood much, I just knew there were things that appealed to me. I didn’t know how to try anything out without saying “do this, try this”. I somehow knew that that was still being in control, which I didn’t want. What I remember once, in the beginning, is when we sat down to watch TV one night, instead of sitting in my usual spot, I brought over a pillow and blanket and sat at His feet. As we sat there and watched some mindless show, He stroked my hair as I laid my head on His leg, and it was the most content I had felt in a long time.

Talking, as we always do, we decided that we wanted to try some D/s in the bedroom only. I trust Him with my whole being and I knew He’d never do anything to hurt me. After assuring Him that I wanted Him to take control of our sex life, He did one day and our sex life exploded. He took over all control sexually. He said when/where/how we would have sex. I wasn’t to ever say no. He did, however, still want me to initiate, but at the time I just enjoyed His lead.

We enjoyed 2 months of sexual D/s with both of us starting to read more about the lifestyle and learning more about it, both together and separately. With each new thing we learned about, we talked about whether we wanted to try it or not. with new things, when we would try it, we would talk about it a few days later after we both were able to reflect on it, and we’d say if it worked or if it didn’t, if it was something we wanted to keep or not. We are completely open with each other and share absolutely everything, so it is easy for us to speak of any and everything. It’s easy for either of us to say “hey, let’s try this” or “what do you think about this” and then we will discuss it, try it and see if we want to keep with it or not.

Soon after, I started wanting more and more. I found myself wanting to let go of all thing and let Him take control. I had taken care of things for so long, since my ex had left, and I was tired of carrying around all the worries and all the stress. I just wanted to let go and not stress anymore. In July, He decided to take that control, and we entered a 24/7 D/s Lifestyle.

Can you see yourselves continuing your marriage in the same way in the future?

Oh yes. I think this is a lifestyle change for us. It’s who we are now, not what we do. We’ve always had a slight element of it, looking back, in our relationship. It’s natural and comfortable to us. Our D/s seems to be a little bit different of a dynamic than what we see others in, even other 24/7 couples. I’m unsure if this is because we knew each other and were married, then grew into our kink together, or if it’s just because we’re weird.

For us, our D/s relationship means He’s in charge. He makes all decisions, in and out of the bedroom. But I am always able to speak my mind. If He wants sex, but I’m not feeling well, I can tell Him. He makes the decision on what we will do or not do, but more often than not, He’ll respect that I’m not up to par and He’ll wait. We are equals in every way. I have chosen to give up my control in all things, but He still wants me to be me. He does not micromanage me. I am able to do what I want, when I want, with the exception of orgasms (He controls those at all times). There are times that He will give me something specific to do, and I like those times, as it’s a little extra way of Him exerting His dominance. I only have 3 rules, trust Him, obey Him, and cannot cum without His permission. He takes care of the big things, He works to pay the bills, He carries the big stress and worries. I do the little things to take care of Him. I have dinner ready or near ready when He comes in. I have the place cleaned. I set out His clothes, and will start His shower. I anticipate His needs and try to do or get things before He asks for them. I’m here for Him to take sexually, whenever He wants. I’m His.

Is there any advice you'd give other couples?

The advice I would give other couples is to be completely open in EVERYTHING with your partner. I’m always saddened when I see people posting places that they are unable, in whatever way, be it shyness or fear or whatever, to share their fantasies and desires with their partner. I don’t understand it, though I previously was in that kind of relationship myself. Now that I’ve been with my Husband, I don’t know how I ever managed like that. He and I share everything. If it’s a random thought in my head, I share it. We talk, pretty much nonstop. We are always talking, sharing, just being together and being close. There’s a community that I go to, and there are people there saying that they are bored with sex after 2 years, or even just a few months. It is a shame to me. We are 7 years in and still going strong. We are hornier now than ever for each other. Sex is always wonderful, fresh and new, each time.

Just to put their story in perspective here is an extra message B sent me after I read her story because she was worried about whether she'd written enough.

I kept trying and trying to make it better. I just don't feel like I do us justice, because we are just so amazing. lol. Our sex life and love life are just really out of a fairy tale. Our "real" life hasn't been kind and it's amazing the things we've survived and we thrive through. It’s hard to really get the pureness of what we share. It’s pretty awesome. :)

A link to a good information site about BDSM http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

I'm an author who is (obviously) fascinated by BDSM. My website: http://www.carisilverwood.net/