Showing posts with label Kink. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kink. Show all posts

Monday, July 22, 2013

What's a kink?

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably think you know what a kink is. But do you really? How about a fetish, for that matter? Is there a difference?

According to the website BDSM Cafe (http://bdsmcafe.com/resource/glossary/gloss-x.html) there is a difference. But what is it?

From the KinkForAll website:

The words "kink" or "kinky" are ambiguous, lending themselves to an inclusive and open environment. They also specifically refer to non-mainstream, unconventional or unusual sexuality. Since some people reflexively associate "kink" with specific ideas (but not necessarily the same ideas), here are various definitions of the word from several sources: 

  • "sexual priority known as being very subjective, and suceptible to be misunderstood or stereotyped by others" [sic.]
  • "Doing in bed what others only think about." 
  • "wierd/cool, usually in respect to sex"
  • "something which is abnormal but good in a sexual way" 


So where does that leave us? With a lot of questions, that's where! Let's see if we can answer some:

1. Am I kinky?

Probably, yes. Perhaps not to the extent of practitioners of the BDSM lifestyle, but if you enjoy being blindfolded in bed, having your hair pulled, or getting an occasional smack on the ass during sex, you're at least a little bit kinky.

2. Should I tell potential bed partners I'm kinky?

Entirely up to you. I'd say if your level of kink leans more toward the stuff in the first answer, probably not necessary. But if you plan to show up for sex in a Chewbacca costume, yeah, that's something your potential lover might want to be aware of.

3. How do I get someone to become kinky?

Oh, boy. The million dollar question. Personally, I don't think you can force someone to be kinky or do kinky things. It seems like that would create tension in a relationship. Some people just aren't cut out for it, no matter how mild you think what you're asking them to do is. On the other hand, if you start small and work your way up, paying attention to their reactions to things you ask for or do to them, I believe there are people who will open their minds to more adventuresome activities.

4. Is what I like kink or a fetish?

According to BDSM cafe, a fetish is a fixation, usually sexual, on an activity or object. I think the important word here is fixation. Kinksters like to do some things vanilla people don't, but people with fetishes can become obsessed by them.


Are things less ambiguous now? Did you learn anything? ;-)

Take a look at the five-star review my latest BDSM book, Unexpected Top, just got from Long and Short Reivews: http://www.longandshortreviews.com/book-reviews/unexpected-top-by-cassandra-carr/

For more about me or my books, visit my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Ten ways to tell if your man might be kinky

I was talking to a friend, who shall remain anonymous, and I was asking him about BDSM. He mentioned he didn't know if he was interested in it or not because he'd never been exposed to it. After my brain exploded with all the fun ways to introduce someone to BDSM (he's just a friend, but hey, I can fantasize), I started thinking about how, if you were in a new relationship, you might be able to figure out if your new man might be kinky. This is going to be a partially serious post, with a few tongue-in-cheek things thrown in, because it's been a long day and I have to entertain myself some way.

How to tell if your man might be kinky (or at least open to a discussion about it):


  1. You've noticed him spending a lot of time staring at your ass with his palm twitching.
  2. He doesn't hide that he watches porn.
  3. He owns some sort of sex toy or toys, even so-called tame ones.
  4. You climb on top and grab his hands, pulling them over his head, and he doesn't freak out.
  5. During doggy-style sex, he slaps your ass.
  6. He seems comfortable with dirty talk, especially dirty talk from you.
  7. When you mention him backing you into the wall/watching you in the mirror/etc, he grins, rather than apologizing.
  8. He owns or has at least seen and not been disgusted by movies like Secretary, 9 1/2 Weeks...
  9. You come home one day to find your ereader loaded with erotic romance, because he's figured out if you're horny it might be to his benefit.
  10. When you tell him a story about a friend of yours having sex with her boyfriend in some at least semi-public place, he thinks it's hot rather than that they should've been arrested.
How else can you tell if a man might be kinky? Give us more suggestions in the comments!
-- Cassandra

By the way, I've got some BDSM books coming out soon! Master Class is releasing on December 11th.

Here's the blurb:
Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

And Unexpected Top is coming out on January 18, 2013.

Here's the blurb:
Sometimes a wife has to go to extreme measures to save her marriage. When Cissy Holden doesn't feel appreciated, she takes matters into her own hands--literally--and introduces her wayward husband Len to the concept of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Will Len be on board with FLR, or has Cissy just made the biggest mistake of her life?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Friends to Lovers - a D/s relationship with friendship at its heart



Some definitions of Dominance/ submission are here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominance_and_submission

At its core : "Dominance and submission (also called D&s, Ds, and D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals involving the giving by one individual to another individual of control over them in an erotic episode or as a lifestyle."

But essentially this is about two people’s own interpretation. Theirs is a simple and beautiful relationship.

This is another true story revolving around how BDSM has helped a marriage. B will tell the story.

So here we go…

Here’s some background about us:

J & I met over 18 years ago, in the end of 1993, the beginning of our junior year of high school. We became best friends right away and He fell in love with me, though I only wanted to be friends. At one point, we tried what I called “friends with a twist” but I soon ended it because I didn’t want to lose His friendship, which I ended up doing anyways. We were barely speaking by graduation (95), saw each other on and off until the last time in (02/97). Fast forward to 10/04, my ex had walked out almost 2 years prior and I was lonely and looking for friends only. I decided to look up J, and found a man who had been in love with me all that time. We’ve been together ever since. Our sex life has never been completely vanilla, from day two (literally) we’ve been open and very sexual with each other. We’ve always had a very very active life, and it even gets more so, even after 7+ years.

I know your marriage has only recently changed to become a D/s relationship, can you tell us what made you begin to consider this? I'm also curious as to whether either of you can recall any feelings or thoughts before this that leaned toward Dominance or submissiveness?

I was the one to bring up D/s to my Husband. I had been into reading some erotica and stumbled upon an author that I really enjoyed the series I was reading (not D/s) so I decided to read all her books and started to read about D/s. the thought of BDSM had always been something that was taboo to me, too off, too much, too weird. But when I learned about D/s on its own, I was intrigued. I especially liked the parts where the sub would sit at her master’s feet, or have her eyes downcast and be kneeling in other parts. After reading for a while, I brought it up to J, about how certain things were turning me on. He was surprised that I liked what I was reading, and asked me more about it. I explained to Him what it meant for a Dominant to take care of His sub, how and why that appealed to me, what I liked about some things that were considered the norm in a D/s relationship.

Looking back now, I can see that in a relationship, I have always preferred to be submissive. I have always tried to put my man first. An example I like to use a lot is that we would play the game “what do you want tonight for dinner? I don’t care, what do you want? Whatever you want. I HATED that, I always have. If I have an opinion, I would state it, otherwise, I truly in my heart wanted to do only what my Husband wanted to do. I wanted to put His needs, His wants, His desires in front of my own. That makes me happiest. I always enjoyed doing little things to make Him happy.

How and why did you begin changing the structure of your marriage. I'd love to know about communication and discussions you may have had because that seems to be a key point mentioned in other marriages like this.

If I remember correctly, our change was slow and subtle at first. At first, neither of us really understood much, I just knew there were things that appealed to me. I didn’t know how to try anything out without saying “do this, try this”. I somehow knew that that was still being in control, which I didn’t want. What I remember once, in the beginning, is when we sat down to watch TV one night, instead of sitting in my usual spot, I brought over a pillow and blanket and sat at His feet. As we sat there and watched some mindless show, He stroked my hair as I laid my head on His leg, and it was the most content I had felt in a long time.

Talking, as we always do, we decided that we wanted to try some D/s in the bedroom only. I trust Him with my whole being and I knew He’d never do anything to hurt me. After assuring Him that I wanted Him to take control of our sex life, He did one day and our sex life exploded. He took over all control sexually. He said when/where/how we would have sex. I wasn’t to ever say no. He did, however, still want me to initiate, but at the time I just enjoyed His lead.

We enjoyed 2 months of sexual D/s with both of us starting to read more about the lifestyle and learning more about it, both together and separately. With each new thing we learned about, we talked about whether we wanted to try it or not. with new things, when we would try it, we would talk about it a few days later after we both were able to reflect on it, and we’d say if it worked or if it didn’t, if it was something we wanted to keep or not. We are completely open with each other and share absolutely everything, so it is easy for us to speak of any and everything. It’s easy for either of us to say “hey, let’s try this” or “what do you think about this” and then we will discuss it, try it and see if we want to keep with it or not.

Soon after, I started wanting more and more. I found myself wanting to let go of all thing and let Him take control. I had taken care of things for so long, since my ex had left, and I was tired of carrying around all the worries and all the stress. I just wanted to let go and not stress anymore. In July, He decided to take that control, and we entered a 24/7 D/s Lifestyle.

Can you see yourselves continuing your marriage in the same way in the future?

Oh yes. I think this is a lifestyle change for us. It’s who we are now, not what we do. We’ve always had a slight element of it, looking back, in our relationship. It’s natural and comfortable to us. Our D/s seems to be a little bit different of a dynamic than what we see others in, even other 24/7 couples. I’m unsure if this is because we knew each other and were married, then grew into our kink together, or if it’s just because we’re weird.

For us, our D/s relationship means He’s in charge. He makes all decisions, in and out of the bedroom. But I am always able to speak my mind. If He wants sex, but I’m not feeling well, I can tell Him. He makes the decision on what we will do or not do, but more often than not, He’ll respect that I’m not up to par and He’ll wait. We are equals in every way. I have chosen to give up my control in all things, but He still wants me to be me. He does not micromanage me. I am able to do what I want, when I want, with the exception of orgasms (He controls those at all times). There are times that He will give me something specific to do, and I like those times, as it’s a little extra way of Him exerting His dominance. I only have 3 rules, trust Him, obey Him, and cannot cum without His permission. He takes care of the big things, He works to pay the bills, He carries the big stress and worries. I do the little things to take care of Him. I have dinner ready or near ready when He comes in. I have the place cleaned. I set out His clothes, and will start His shower. I anticipate His needs and try to do or get things before He asks for them. I’m here for Him to take sexually, whenever He wants. I’m His.

Is there any advice you'd give other couples?

The advice I would give other couples is to be completely open in EVERYTHING with your partner. I’m always saddened when I see people posting places that they are unable, in whatever way, be it shyness or fear or whatever, to share their fantasies and desires with their partner. I don’t understand it, though I previously was in that kind of relationship myself. Now that I’ve been with my Husband, I don’t know how I ever managed like that. He and I share everything. If it’s a random thought in my head, I share it. We talk, pretty much nonstop. We are always talking, sharing, just being together and being close. There’s a community that I go to, and there are people there saying that they are bored with sex after 2 years, or even just a few months. It is a shame to me. We are 7 years in and still going strong. We are hornier now than ever for each other. Sex is always wonderful, fresh and new, each time.

Just to put their story in perspective here is an extra message B sent me after I read her story because she was worried about whether she'd written enough.

I kept trying and trying to make it better. I just don't feel like I do us justice, because we are just so amazing. lol. Our sex life and love life are just really out of a fairy tale. Our "real" life hasn't been kind and it's amazing the things we've survived and we thrive through. It’s hard to really get the pureness of what we share. It’s pretty awesome. :)

A link to a good information site about BDSM http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

I'm an author who is (obviously) fascinated by BDSM. My website: http://www.carisilverwood.net/

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Wicked Wednesday: Negotiation Scene in Nobody's Angel



Welcome to another Wicked Wednesday with an exclusive excerpt from debut author Kallypso Masters, who shares a glimpse into how she works the art of negotiation into her more realistic BDSM romances.

 
One of the most important tools in a BDSM couple's repertoire--and sometimes the sexiest--is the art of negotiation. Maybe that's because the hottest sex organ is the brain, but it's not easy for everyone to talk about sex, fantasies, wants, needs, desires, limits--especially when they think their fantasies are a bit kinkier than their partner will accept or will want to try.

Listening without judging is a great way to encourage a partner to discuss what she or he wants to try. A little humor (if you aren't laughing AT someone, but just teasing a bit to coax more out of them) can help, as well. 

The Wikipedia entry on "Negotiation" states:

In the BDSM community, negotiation is a form of communication where participants make arrangements on each others' requirements, responsibilities, and limits to find the best possible agreement.

Activity within BDSM relationships requires trust, openness about most practices that may include risks. On the other hand, partners have certain needs which should be clearly defined in order to be properly satisfied. In this regard, negotiation is essential part not only when parties were not familiar with each other but also in case when partners have long-term relationships. [Much more information at this site on Negotiation.]

I love writing negotiation scenes in my BDSM erotic romances more than the sex scenes sometimes (even though I am told I write really hot, tender sex scenes, as well). But I'm all about writing the emotions of the relationship and sometimes it's much harder to bare your innermost needs and desires than it is to bare your body. (In fact, the scene excerpted below takes place several orgasms into the story Nobody's Angel. You see, negotiation doesn't end with one or two conversations at the beginning of the relationship or scene. It's also good to talk about the scene afterward to determine what worked, didn't work, and how the couple might want to try things the next time.) 

When a couple (or multiples) bring humor to the bedroom (or wherever they happen to be having their negotiations), it's just the cherry on top, in my opinion. I'm fascinated listening in on these conversations and seeing how they begin to get to know each other, find out what excites them about each other, learn what they'd like to try--or not try--sexually, and so on. 


Excerpt Setup: Sweet, overprotected Angelina has had a bad experience with BDSM where her trust was shattered and her safe word ignored, so Marc D'Alessio, at whose BDSM club the incident occurred, is trying to show her she shouldn't ignore her sexually submissive side. She just needs to find a responsible Dom who will earn her trust and treat her as she should have been treated. (Of course, he isn't interested in anything long-time. This is the former "Master Marco," after all, who looks at women as being laid out on his own private smorgasbord.) But for this one night, he has agreed to be Angelina's Dom to show her how BDSM can be with the right Dom/Top.

In this scene, Angelina reveals both a hard limit, as well as something she would like to experience that she witnessed at the Masters at Arms club before her abusive Dom shattered her trust and killed her fledgling interest in BDSM. As it turns out, Marc, her Dom for the night, is very happy to hear that's a limit, one he shares (even though he's still in denial about their relationship going beyond this night). She does not know that Marc was the Dungeon Monitor Supervisor who rescued her at the club or that he co-owners the club.



Excerpt from a Negotiation Scene from
Nobody's Angel (Rescue Me, Book #2)


Angelina’s heart thudded against her chest. What had possessed her to tell him something like that?

“Oh, cara. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that happened to you.” He held her tightly, placing his chin on the top of her head and enveloping her in his strength and warmth.

“Let’s put that fantasy and bad memory on the back burner for now. Tell me about another fantasy. One you haven’t experienced yet. Perhaps something you’ve read about…or even seen.”

“Um, there was this one time when…I was at a private club in Denver.”

“What kind of private club?”

Oh, she didn’t want to admit she’d gone to a kink club. “Um, one where adults…couples mostly…do...things to each other.”

“Just what kinds of things do they do?” She could have sworn by his voice he was smiling, but didn’t want to pull away from his comforting arms to confirm her suspicions. Just what did he find so funny?

She sighed. “Well, pretty much anything you can imagine.”

“I can imagine a lot, pet.”

Oh, damn it all, apparently the man had never been inside one before. He was going to think she was a slut, but obviously, she was going to have to tell him now. He was like a dog with a bone. “Promise you won’t think badly of me?”

“It’s rather difficult for me to promise when I don’t know what you’ve done yet.”

Well, what did she expect, unconditional love from a near stranger? One who happened to be cuddling her on his lap on the edge of her bed? Oh, Nonna. I hope you aren’t watching! Angelina decided to just spit it out.

“I…We were…in a kink club.” She held her breath and steeled herself.

“Ahhh, I see. What was it like?”

He certainly didn’t seem to be judging her. But he wanted her to talk about it? Oh, God. This just got worse and worse on the embarrassment scale.

“I didn’t see much.”

She realized she’d unbuttoned his shirt and her fingers played idly with the springy chest hairs in the vee of his shirt. She didn’t want him to think she’d gone to a sleazy one, though. “It seemed like a nice place. Karla, she was the club’s singer, was very kind to me after…well, later. She brought me home. And the club’s owner, Master Adam, was very nice, too.”

His hand stopped stroking her hair. “Were there any other nice people you met there?”

“No. Mostly I just watched.”

After a moment, his hand began stroking her again, but she felt tenseness in his body. Maybe he was judging her.

“What did you see?”

“There were several couples in the great room who were engaging in different…activities.”

“Which activities interested you?”

Her mind returned to the main room of the club where one of the Doms had caught her attention while Allen was filling out guest papers on her. The Dom wore a Harley-Davidson jacket with the tail of a dragon tattoo curled around his bicep, the rest of the mythical creature disappearing under the vest. Very lethal looking—both the dragon and the man, who held a coiled whip against his leather-clad thigh.

“There was a Dom with a whip.” She felt Marc’s body tense even more, but wasn’t sure if it was the mention of the Dom or the whip that bothered him. Well, he asked, so she was going to tell him what she liked. “Kneeling before him was a blonde woman who looked up at him adoringly, waiting for him to do…well, whatever he wanted to do, I suppose.” The man had a whip, for Christ’s sake!

“Did the whip excite you?”

She pulled out of his arms, bumping his chin against her head in her haste to get away, but she wasn’t going to let him get the notion she was into whips. “God, no! Don’t even go there!”

He relaxed visibly and smiled. “Duly noted, gattina.”

Angelina felt the tension leave her, as well, and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He seemed as relieved as she was, although she had no idea why.

“So, tell me what it was about the Dom/sub that interested you so much.”

She blushed. It was pretty lame as far as fantasies went, but she’d been so turned on by the two. “He put his middle finger deep into her mouth and, with the other fingers and the thumb of his hand, he…I guess you’d say caged her chin, forcing her mouth open.” Angelina felt herself getting wet just remembering. She shrugged and smiled.

“Do you know what it was about the scene that excited you?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure. It just did.”

She lowered her gaze to his bare chest where her fingers were buried in the light sprinkling of his black chest hairs. She liked touching him. He waited, expecting more of an answer, she supposed.

“The woman’s expression was…well, she looked up at him with such, I don’t know the word—adoration maybe? Devotion? Trust?” She swallowed. “Or maybe it was the way he took control of her mouth like that. Of her.” She shivered. “I don’t know, but it blew me away.”

Marc’s gaze went to her mouth and Angelina’s clit throbbed in response as if he’d taken control of her mouth the way the tatted Dom had done with the blonde at the club. She squirmed on his lap. Her gaze locked on his mouth. She wanted him to kiss her again, only rougher than he’d kissed her last night.

 
Kallypso Masters' first two books in the Rescue Me series are available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, All Romance e-Books, Kobo, and coming soon to BookStrand. You can find Kally online at:



 







Sunday, October 2, 2011

Lindsey's Story



This story is the first in a series about how real people got BDSM into their lives. We hope they will be informative, interesting and helpful.

Lindsey, I know there are a lot of women out there who are very interested in introducing elements of BDSM into their life, or at least into their bedroom life. Can you tell us a bit about yourself and why you decided this?

The dreaded question “Tell us about yourself” lol If I am being totally honest, in some ways I’m a total freak. At least that’s how I sometimes feel. I don’t follow rules, I have learned to not be confrontational and to be quieter and people say that I’m stuck up seeming because of it. I promise you I am so not stuck up. I’m pretty liberated and I attach that to my embracing of the BDSM lifestyle. I spent years of literally not having an orgasm, like from the moment I had sex for the first time at 18 to literally when I discovered BDSM at 26. Until then I had very little joy within myself. For a while I thought there was a huge possibility I could be a lesbian (I have a voyeur kink I later discovered. I like to watch at times and be watched. I don’t want to actually be with a woman but watching a Domme with her female sub made me light up so to speak.) Turned out I had just never been tied up and controlled before.

I don’t think I really decided on this lifestyle. I think it sort of found me. In that ‘moment’ I feel sexy, I feel like a real woman and that I’m the lone woman pleasing the man. The first time I experienced being bound was so liberating. When I was bound for the first time I knew, I knew it, and I have never turned back. I refused from that point on to settle for vanilla sex. Any partner that came into play from that point on if it ever got intimate I was like “This is what I’m into and if you aren’t then we aren’t going to be doing this.” I know totally harsh but at that point in my life I figured I could afford to be picky, it is my body and I could do what I want with it and who I allowed to play with it in turn.

Did you have some sort of ‘ah-hah!’ moment, or just a gradual realization?

My ‘ah-hah’ moment was being actually tied up, blindfolded, and totally helpless. Someone that could just play my body like an instrument for His pleasure got me to realize I had been denying myself something fantastic this whole time.

Once you’d figured this out, did you know how to swing your husband around to trying things out and what did you end up doing that worked?

I actually discovered all of this before I met my husband. So telling my husband I really needed to be tied up, that I wanted him to make me helpless and control me, wasn’t something I was super excited to bring up with him. I knew pretty much already that he didn’t get it, which I don’t fault him for. I brought it up to him two years after we were together, he again stated I don’t get it, two years after that I read the first Shadowlands book (again I think I owe Cherise Sinclair some sort of huge acknowledgement in my first BDSM published book, because if not for her I don’t think my husband would have ever had his own ‘ah-ha’ moment) and it has such a clear description on the lifestyle that I showed him, and he went “I get it!” He was a natural Dom, he would always take total control, demand things, and it was so exciting and frustrating because I wanted to take the next step. I wanted him testing my limits, tying me up, I wanted floggers and spankings. And once he got it, he finally understood that, and I got my playroom (still in need of a St. Andrews Cross lol)

What would you advise women who are having problems convincing their partner?

Literature is a good thing, whether it be fiction books by amazing authors that write about the BDSM lifestyle or even visiting clubs. I found the good clubs didn’t have a lot of promotions available for you to view. Private parties are great because they don’t force you to participate. Before I was married, most of the places I was comfortable with were private parties. However you need to make your husband realize that you don’t want to run off and play with the whole of the BDSM community in your area. That this is something you want to share with THEM! Most people have a total misconception about BDSM, so educating them is key with all tools available. If you are shy about it and not totally honest with your partner or spouse, you are more likely to not succeed in convincing them.

I know a lot of couples who venture into BDSM just play lightly in the bedroom. I think you said you asked your husband to learn from an experienced Dom?

Yes, I wanted him to not just be educated in the lifestyle but in the play involved. It is not just physical it is mental. I wanted him to know how to read my body cues. I wanted him to understand there might be times when I wouldn’t call my safeword and to be able to see when I’d reached that point.

I have a horrible habit of testing my own limits if you will, and not calling yellow when I should, a particular time with nipple clamps comes to mind. I wore them for about 2 ½ hours before I called yellow and I probably should have after 15- 20 minutes it was my first time and had a Dom that wasn’t great at reading me as his sub, I think he was just excited to have a willing sub he could teach for his ‘own’. After playing with others I realized he was very selfish and I could have been hurt under his care. Scary but you live and you learn. He didn’t last long before I went in search of another Dom.

My husband had to be my Dom and the best Dom I had ever met. So we had a very great Master walk my husband through it with his submissive. And he also gave me the ‘Dom eye’ about telling my husband my hard limits. I’m a sub that is so very willing to please. When I’m at the melting point I won’t call safewords and I will do just about anything.

I have always had a bad habit of getting so wrapped up that I forget my safe word, and I used to expect my husband to know what was too much. He didn't at first, but he pretty much does now and he will stop, untie me, drop all toys and demand my safe word. Then as he shows me some care and explains I need to use the safe word, he then explains I'm getting punished lol he has become a wonderful Dom and we even cross over on public dates, though the average person would never know.

If you aren’t shy, if you are willing at times to play with another watching, then I highly suggest the training. Like I said it is not just sexual it is very mental and emotional. Your partner needs to know it’s not a sex game, it’s one of the most intimate connections possible.

How has the whole dominance and submission part of BDSM affected your life in general?

It helped me connect with my body more. It made me respect myself, love myself, and not be afraid of my sexuality. I’m a happier person, content. I love that my husband and we rarely argue. If it starts and I have started the fight….. OOOO The Dom comes out lol

Are there any other insights or advice you’d like to share?

You need to do what makes you happy. If you need any form of BDSM in your life, then you need to be honest with your partner, you need to present it to them in a way where it is serious. I know so many women that are unhappy because they are afraid to be honest, that hurts me as a woman and their friend. You don’t have to jump in head first. I did because I was lonely at that time and needed a connection with something, anyone. But you can just put your toes in and slowly wade into the waters.

Lindsey is on fetlife as kittenlinds

Please bear in mind that this is one person’s viewpoint and you should always do your own research.

Safe, sane and consensual, as always.

A link to a good information site about BDSM http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html