Some basics for those of you who are new around here...

In the past we've done some "BDSM for Beginners" posts, but I don't remember seeing one in a while, so I thought I'd do one for those of you who haven't been with us as long. First, for a HUGE list of terms related to BDSM, this is a great site: http://bdsmcafe.com/resource/glossary/gloss-x.html.

Now, for furniture -- if you're going to go that far -- The Stockroom is a good place to start. Besides furniture, they have tons of other stuff too, but I found their explanations of the different apparatuses to be straightforward and easy to understand: http://www.stockroom.com

Implements. If you're going to do BDSM, you'll need some type of implements. Whether you're doing impact play, sensation play or something else, don't go buying any old thing. Buy quality. How do you know the products are quality? When they come from places like: http://www.cane-iac.com or http://www.thelondontanners.com (for those kinksters in the UK or people who don't mind paying higher shipping costs for quality goods.

And clothing...sure, you can wear whatever you want. It's not like the BDSM police are going to come and take away your kinkster card if you play in sweats and a tank top. But sometimes it's fun to get dressed up, especially if you like things like role playing. Since there are TONS of places to buy clothing you can use in BDSM play, I'm not going to list any here. But I will say this. Make sure it fits, it's not cutting circulation, and that you're not allergic to it. You laugh, but there's a lot of latex out there in the kink world.

A word about bondage, which is one common place start to explore kink. Sure, you can buy a pair of fuzzy handcuffs at your local sex shop and go for it, but you're going to tie up your submissive, you should definitely check out Two Knotty Boys at http://www.beknotty.com/wiki/index.php?title=FAQ_about_Rope_By_Dan_of_the_Two_Knotty_Boys. They'll tell you what you need to know about bondage so you don't hurt anybody.

Reading. It's not a bad idea to read some books before you really get into this lifestyle. A few good ones are SM 101 by Jay Wiseman and The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren. Both can be found on Amazon. etc.

Lastly, join FetLife - but be careful. http://www.fetlife.com

--Cassandra

Back Away or Barrel Over your TRIGGERS?

A recent chat with readers got me thinking about triggers. As some of you know, some of my books bring people to an uncomfortable place. Those looking for sweetness and fluffiness are probably better off looking elsewhere, but those looking for a story that will drag them in and force them to love and hate and suffer with the characters . . .

But are you willing to suffer with the characters? We all have places in our minds, full of dark memories, things we've buried so we can move on. Some of us avoid anything that will bring these things closer to the surface. Some of us go out looking for ways to make the experience mean less.

Neither way is wrong. Sure, there are probably some shrinks that would tell you to 'face things' or 'get over them'. Others might tell you to find a safe place in your mind to escape from reactions to wounds that will never heal. Whatever way you chose, whatever way gets you through the days, is the right one for you.

That said, how do you handle triggers? Do you have any?

To be fair, I'll answer first. I didn't think I had triggers. I thought I'd numbed myself to all the stuff that might bring up bad memories.  And that's the only way to hit a trigger, right?

Wrong.

Apparently I have a serious problem with trust being given and then exploited. Which seems pretty reasonable--only, I don't put down books. I never walk away from them unless I lose interest (which happens fairly often because my attention span sucks! Oh! Look at the kittie!). But this one book had a bound sub pleading with a man she loved and trusted not to touch her with the knife. He not only ignored her, he CUT her! Every muscle in my body tensed up. I growled--yes, literally growled--at the book and couldn't look at it anymore. HOW DARE HE! Give me a villain any day and he can skin a character without me doing more than wince and read faster to get to the revenge part, but the hero better be heroic.

So there's one big one. I also have an issue with halfway menages, which isn't as serious, but will have a serious impact on my enjoyment of a book.

I'd love to hear about your experiences!