Monday, July 22, 2013

What's a kink?

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably think you know what a kink is. But do you really? How about a fetish, for that matter? Is there a difference?

According to the website BDSM Cafe ( there is a difference. But what is it?

From the KinkForAll website:

The words "kink" or "kinky" are ambiguous, lending themselves to an inclusive and open environment. They also specifically refer to non-mainstream, unconventional or unusual sexuality. Since some people reflexively associate "kink" with specific ideas (but not necessarily the same ideas), here are various definitions of the word from several sources: 

  • "sexual priority known as being very subjective, and suceptible to be misunderstood or stereotyped by others" [sic.]
  • "Doing in bed what others only think about." 
  • "wierd/cool, usually in respect to sex"
  • "something which is abnormal but good in a sexual way" 

So where does that leave us? With a lot of questions, that's where! Let's see if we can answer some:

1. Am I kinky?

Probably, yes. Perhaps not to the extent of practitioners of the BDSM lifestyle, but if you enjoy being blindfolded in bed, having your hair pulled, or getting an occasional smack on the ass during sex, you're at least a little bit kinky.

2. Should I tell potential bed partners I'm kinky?

Entirely up to you. I'd say if your level of kink leans more toward the stuff in the first answer, probably not necessary. But if you plan to show up for sex in a Chewbacca costume, yeah, that's something your potential lover might want to be aware of.

3. How do I get someone to become kinky?

Oh, boy. The million dollar question. Personally, I don't think you can force someone to be kinky or do kinky things. It seems like that would create tension in a relationship. Some people just aren't cut out for it, no matter how mild you think what you're asking them to do is. On the other hand, if you start small and work your way up, paying attention to their reactions to things you ask for or do to them, I believe there are people who will open their minds to more adventuresome activities.

4. Is what I like kink or a fetish?

According to BDSM cafe, a fetish is a fixation, usually sexual, on an activity or object. I think the important word here is fixation. Kinksters like to do some things vanilla people don't, but people with fetishes can become obsessed by them.

Are things less ambiguous now? Did you learn anything? ;-)

Take a look at the five-star review my latest BDSM book, Unexpected Top, just got from Long and Short Reivews:

For more about me or my books, visit my website at

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Welcome guest blogger with Jennifer Kacey with her #NewRelease - #BDSM

Today we're pleased to welcome author Jennifer Kacey, who has a new release with Ellora's Cave. She's here to talk about sexting for guys. If you want to see her tips on sexting for girls, check out her recent post on Dirty Birdies. Take it away, Jennifer!

Sexting 101 for Guys
I did Sexting 101 for Girls the other day on the Dirty Birdies Blog, so now I’m going to flip it around and talk to you members of the male species. It’s time for you guys to learn a thing or two about what we really want from a boyfriend/lover/husband when it comes to sexting.

Yep, we’re going to start with disclaimers and I’m pretty sure you know what I’m going to tell you first off.
1.       Do NOT send a naked picture of your junk to some girl you just met / someone you are just starting a relationship with.  There may (and I did only say MAY) be a time for this later. But mobile media makes it really easy for anybody to facebook, tweet, pin, and tumblr ALL sorts of pics you might not like shared with all of your/her friends and family.  Just keep that in mind when you’re snapping away pic after pic of your morning wood.
2.       If you’re hung like a horse and need to buy condoms in the XL Magnum aisle then disregard #1 and my cell number is… **GRINS**
3.       If you’re new in a relationship or have had a spouse or partner for years you can do this too! Everyone likes to feel special and thought of on a daily basis.
4.       Please re-read number 1!
Let me start off with WE LIKE GETTING PICS TOO!! There I said it. Sexting should not be a one-sided adventure. Like things in most relationships it needs to be equal or at the very least mutually enjoyable for both parties.
For some ideas on what we’d like to see men, here you go.
-          Sexy pic in sunglasses and a baseball cap.
-          For husbands/committed partners a pic of your hand showing your wedding ring is AWESOME!
-          The coffee shop you had a cup of joe and a muffin at that morning with a “thinking of you” tag.
-          If you found a street festival or a carnival, send a few pics of some tiny trinket you bought/won for her. Or if you had a gift wrapped send an image of the package she’ll get when you get home.
-          Mirror pic of your bare chest and boxers.
-          New hair cut you want her to see – send it along.
Okay, now for the real sexting…
-          If you woke with morning wood and want to share what she does to you take a pic of the tent it made beneath the sheets.
-          After you jack off and you have some silky wet evidence of how much you miss her on your leg, snap a pic and send it along with a note, “Wish you were here for clean up duty.”
-          And for those of you out there in a D/s relationship send reminders of what awaits her when she gets home. If she’s a bit naughty when she’s gone or if she’s a VERY good girl.
-          A pic of handcuffs, an anal hook, pile of Shibari length rope, blindfold, a new toy or plug you got just for her. Maybe even a pic of a whipping bench with her name on it. A flogger or a pair of hybrid whips she’ll get to enjoy when she gets back. Tell her what she has to look forward to when she walks in the house or into your playroom next time.

It’s the little reminders that you’re thinking of us and we know we’re on your mind, that make us feel special and appreciated, even from a far.

Members Only, Book One
She knows it’s wrong. Cyn shouldn’t have feelings for fraternal twins Jared and Chris, her best friends. She shouldn’t want them to tie her up or strap her down, to take her one at a time—or together. The only way to control her taboo desires is to write them down and lock them away in her diary. Guys like Jared and Chris could never be interested in someone like her, or in the kind of sex she craves.
But Jared and Chris have read her diary, and sweet little Cyn is in for the shock of her life. The brothers not only own a members-only BDSM club, they want her. Need her. And now, with their unlimited funds and an entire establishment devoted to fulfilling her darkest pleasures, they’re going to claim Cyn for their own.
Inside Scoop: If you have a kink, this book probably has it too. If you like your ménage romances extra hot with a side of male-male romance, spanking, voyeurism and girl-on-girl action, come and get it.
A Romantica® BDSM erotic romance from Ellora’s Cave

Buy Links below and others on the TIC webpage

Excerpt –
“So, Cyn, why aren’t you fucking anybody?”
I sucked a mouthful of beer down the wrong pipe, sputtered and coughed my way through it and nearly knocked over the glass bottle as I got it under control. The beer anyway. After wheezing through another breath, I moved my drink aside. The last thing I needed was a wet spot in my lap. “Where in the hell did that
come from?”
Jared Kennedy, one of my best friends, glanced at my fingers as I worried a heart charm at the bottom of a silver chain. A knowing smirk tilted his lips when he glanced up again. “Come on. Nobody creaming your Twinkie at the moment or do you not like sex in general? We want to know. So don’t be shy, spit it out.”
The other half of the “we” he referred to was his fraternal twin Chris, who watched us across an empty dance floor and from behind their bar thirty feet away. Still anxiously working the pendant back and forth, I turned once more to Jared.
He leaned against his chair, forearms crossed over his broad chest, an expectant smile revealing bright-white teeth. The brothers had always done that. Known the right expression to make so I would answer anything. They acted broody or impatient and I’d give anything to make them happy. Pathetic—my middle name when it came to these two.
“I like it, J. As much as anybody does, I guess. Whether I like it to the same extent you and Chris do, I don’t know. Your appetites have always run on the high side according to the gossipmongers in town.” I squirmed in my seat. I admit it. One of my best friends was asking me if I liked sex and all I could think was…meh. My sex life…well, visualize the Titanic sinking and you get the gist. Most guys don’t appreciate being called another guy’s name—or two guys’ names—when you’re getting off. It’s a real deal breaker.
“Uh huh. It’s Saturday night and you’re here, like last night and the night before. Guys hit on you but you blow ’em off. You work at the gym all day and help out here anytime we ask. CJ’s has gotten damn busy and we dig the help but you’ve been restless lately and we’ve both noticed. What gives?”
Getting to work at the bar with both of them on a weekend was rare. One of them was normally MIA. But tonight? From the moment I stepped foot inside they were watching me. Shivers of awareness raced over my skin but I was too chicken to actually do anything about it. A blush slithered its way up my bare shoulders, crawled all over my failing willpower and flipped on a big neon sign above my head, flashing “Not Gettin’ Any”.
Jared and Chris knowing that my social calendar was on par with reservations at a leper colony just plain sucked. The three of us had been close for years but this was way beyond what my heart—and several other tingly parts—could handle.
“You’re hot. You haven’t been with anyone since Matt.”
Mild panic settled in the pit of my stomach because Jared wasn’t going to drop it. Thankfully my beer sat well out of reach.
“Not that it’s any of your business but who’s to say I’m not having sex every night and twice on Sundays?” I cocked a blonde eyebrow in his direction with a little sultry thrown in, with what I hoped was a sassy twist of my lips. That sass faded into scared rabbit when he gave me that look again. Same one he’d been giving me all night long. The one I’d seen for years and hated because it was never directed at me.
It was Jared on the make. My adrenal gland kicked into high gear. I was a little bit thrilled and a whole lot terrified.
He was always the comedian. He’d played pranks on me any chance he could but this was no joke.
His gaze remained locked on me and his blue eyes, shadowed by thick lashes, taunted me with sexual promise. Female residents of our fair city of Arcadia had spent years fantasizing over his tanned skin and muscled frame. Right at the height of my ogling, he speared long fingers through his blond, sun-streaked hair. It wasn’t long enough to negate any of his rugged appeal but it was far from the military cut he’d worn for years. Currently, it was perfect to hold on to for a nice long ride.
As his hair fell across his brow, he leaned onto the table to grab his beer. He grazed my arm on the way and I locked my muscles up good and tight to suppress another shiver. My reaction to them? Spontaneous combustion.
But tonight was different. Tonight they’d noticed how I responded to them. They’d thrown logs on the smoldering fire every chance they got. Touching me, teasing me. Staring at me as if they knew how wet I was. For them. Only them.

Bio -
Jennifer Kacey is a wife, mother, and business owner living with her family in Texas. She sings in the shower, plays piano in her dreams, and has to have a different color of nail polish every week. The best advice she’s ever been given? Find the real you and never settle for anything less.