Showing posts with label Cassandra Carr. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cassandra Carr. Show all posts

Monday, July 22, 2013

What's a kink?

If you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably think you know what a kink is. But do you really? How about a fetish, for that matter? Is there a difference?

According to the website BDSM Cafe (http://bdsmcafe.com/resource/glossary/gloss-x.html) there is a difference. But what is it?

From the KinkForAll website:

The words "kink" or "kinky" are ambiguous, lending themselves to an inclusive and open environment. They also specifically refer to non-mainstream, unconventional or unusual sexuality. Since some people reflexively associate "kink" with specific ideas (but not necessarily the same ideas), here are various definitions of the word from several sources: 

  • "sexual priority known as being very subjective, and suceptible to be misunderstood or stereotyped by others" [sic.]
  • "Doing in bed what others only think about." 
  • "wierd/cool, usually in respect to sex"
  • "something which is abnormal but good in a sexual way" 


So where does that leave us? With a lot of questions, that's where! Let's see if we can answer some:

1. Am I kinky?

Probably, yes. Perhaps not to the extent of practitioners of the BDSM lifestyle, but if you enjoy being blindfolded in bed, having your hair pulled, or getting an occasional smack on the ass during sex, you're at least a little bit kinky.

2. Should I tell potential bed partners I'm kinky?

Entirely up to you. I'd say if your level of kink leans more toward the stuff in the first answer, probably not necessary. But if you plan to show up for sex in a Chewbacca costume, yeah, that's something your potential lover might want to be aware of.

3. How do I get someone to become kinky?

Oh, boy. The million dollar question. Personally, I don't think you can force someone to be kinky or do kinky things. It seems like that would create tension in a relationship. Some people just aren't cut out for it, no matter how mild you think what you're asking them to do is. On the other hand, if you start small and work your way up, paying attention to their reactions to things you ask for or do to them, I believe there are people who will open their minds to more adventuresome activities.

4. Is what I like kink or a fetish?

According to BDSM cafe, a fetish is a fixation, usually sexual, on an activity or object. I think the important word here is fixation. Kinksters like to do some things vanilla people don't, but people with fetishes can become obsessed by them.


Are things less ambiguous now? Did you learn anything? ;-)

Take a look at the five-star review my latest BDSM book, Unexpected Top, just got from Long and Short Reivews: http://www.longandshortreviews.com/book-reviews/unexpected-top-by-cassandra-carr/

For more about me or my books, visit my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.


Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I believe I've been insulted...

I went to a branch of our local library system the other day with my daughter, and decided to ask what the process was for getting my paperbacks into their catalog. I'd gladly donate a copy of each of my paperbacks (that's $75 total - eek! - when did I get so many paperbacks?) to the library system. They have something like 65 libraries, but hey, at least they'd be there if someone searched for them. I do have readers in this area. I know I do - they've contacted me. :-P
This one would be okay, since it's non-erotic.
But wait, he's shirtless & you can see his undies.
Abort! Abort!

But I digress.

Things were going swimmingly and I was encouraged that maybe my books could be part of my local library system. Then I asked about the raciness aspect. The library director put her hand down on the counter and said, "At one end of the spectrum we have those Harlequins your grandmother would read, and at the other end of the spectrum we have Fifty Shades of Grey," and moved her hand to the other side of the counter.

My head exploded. Here was my thought process as I tried to recover. "Oh my God, she thinks FSOG is at the END of the spectrum? And she's a library director?!?"

The blow job scene w/in the first 10
pages would've caused a swoon, I'm sure.
I managed to tell her I had books from about the middle of the road (I do publish some non-erotic titles) to the Fifty Shades side. I chose not to mention just how far past the FSOG line some of my work was. Here's how she responded. She pursed her lips - I don't think I've ever seen someone actually do that, and wrinkled her nose like she'd smelled something bad. Then she said, "Oh, I don't allow books with THAT KIND OF CONTENT."

Seriously? Who made you judge and jury about what types of work readers should have access to? I thought this was 2013. We can't handle a little sex with our love stories?

Apparently not. Censorship is alive and well.

But I know when to fight the battle and when to retreat, so I retreated. I'm going to contact the central library acquisition department to see if their policy reflects the archaic attitude of that library director. I hope not. I can't say I have much confidence, though.

-- Cassandra
To see more about me and my books with THAT KIND OF CONTENT, check out my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.


Thursday, February 21, 2013

Is there an age requirement to be a good Dom?

Recently I've been reading a lot about the age of Doms and how many people would never consider someone under the age of, for instance, thirty years old to be a "real Dom". Most of the reasons given for this opinion have to do with maturity and experience. I agree, to a certain extent. I've seen men on sites like FetLike who are 18, 20 etc and calling themselves Doms. At that young, it doesn't seem to me that a man can be everything a Dom should be. I believe Doms do need to have a certain amount of life experience before they can be a good Dom. But what's the "magic number"? Is there one?

In the book I'm writing currently, my Dom is twenty-seven. He's one of the youngest Doms I've ever written. I think Conner from Impact was between twenty-five and twenty-eight, but Jack from Caught and Ryan from Master Class were both in their thirties. Will has a few insecurities/hang-ups/whatever you want to call them because he isn't quite as emotionally mature as my older Doms. I'm not a big fan of writing the uber-Dom anyway, so my Doms tend to have doubts, but in Will's case some of his even stem from the idea that he's not sure he NEEDS BDSM in his life. Can he be happy without it if his lover isn't into it?

How much experience does a man need before he can fully grasp the crucial aspects of BDSM - particularly the psychological aspects? (By the way, I use man as a catch-all - the same points go for women as Dommes.) Can someone who's only a few years out of college really understand and be able to translate into practice all the nuances of BDSM?

I'm not saying they can't - just posing the question. So what do you think?

I released Unexpected Top on January 18th, and it's got a bit of a different slant to BDSM. The heroine initiates a female-led relationship (similar to Taken in Hand) to try to save her marriage. For more information on that or any of my other books, check out my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

-- Cassandra

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Yes, my books are educational. What of it?

Recently and in the past reviewers have remarked about how some of my BDSM books seem sort of educational. It's not that the scenes aren't hot, but they feel like I over-explain things a little. And you know what? That's just fine with me.

Why?

Because there's a lot to BDSM, including a whole lot of safety issues. And I would feel terrible if someone read one of my books and then hurt themselves because I put something unsafe in it or didn't talk about the things you should do to make sure you're playing safely.

As a "for instance", I have a wax play scene in my recent release, Master Class. As the Dom and sub are talking about the scene beforehand, the sub mentions there are special candles (the Dom is new and the sub is experienced) that you use for wax play. I did that because I read a BDSM book within the past year (meaning it's not an old release) where the Dom used regular household candles. Ow.

I know a lot of authors don't think it's their responsibility to educate about BDSM in their books, and that's okay, but I don't agree. I would rather have readers and reviewers alike mention the detail I go into about safety and education than the alternative.

What do you think the responsibility for both readers and authors alike is when it comes to BDSM? I'm totally open to hearing differing opinions. That's what makes the world go 'round. Tell me your thoughts in the comments section.

Oh, and before I let you go, I have two BDSM releases- Master Class and Unexpected Top. Here are the blurbs for both. More info is on my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

Master Class:

Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

Unexpected Top:
Sometimes a wife has to go to extreme measures to save her marriage. When Cissy Holden doesn't feel appreciated, she takes matters into her own hands--literally--and introduces her wayward husband Len to the concept of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Will Len be on board with FLR, or has Cissy just made the biggest mistake of her life?

-- Cassandra

Monday, December 17, 2012

Some basics for those of you who are new around here...

In the past we've done some "BDSM for Beginners" posts, but I don't remember seeing one in a while, so I thought I'd do one for those of you who haven't been with us as long. First, for a HUGE list of terms related to BDSM, this is a great site: http://bdsmcafe.com/resource/glossary/gloss-x.html.

Now, for furniture -- if you're going to go that far -- The Stockroom is a good place to start. Besides furniture, they have tons of other stuff too, but I found their explanations of the different apparatuses to be straightforward and easy to understand: http://www.stockroom.com

Implements. If you're going to do BDSM, you'll need some type of implements. Whether you're doing impact play, sensation play or something else, don't go buying any old thing. Buy quality. How do you know the products are quality? When they come from places like: http://www.cane-iac.com or http://www.thelondontanners.com (for those kinksters in the UK or people who don't mind paying higher shipping costs for quality goods.

And clothing...sure, you can wear whatever you want. It's not like the BDSM police are going to come and take away your kinkster card if you play in sweats and a tank top. But sometimes it's fun to get dressed up, especially if you like things like role playing. Since there are TONS of places to buy clothing you can use in BDSM play, I'm not going to list any here. But I will say this. Make sure it fits, it's not cutting circulation, and that you're not allergic to it. You laugh, but there's a lot of latex out there in the kink world.

A word about bondage, which is one common place start to explore kink. Sure, you can buy a pair of fuzzy handcuffs at your local sex shop and go for it, but you're going to tie up your submissive, you should definitely check out Two Knotty Boys at http://www.beknotty.com/wiki/index.php?title=FAQ_about_Rope_By_Dan_of_the_Two_Knotty_Boys. They'll tell you what you need to know about bondage so you don't hurt anybody.

Reading. It's not a bad idea to read some books before you really get into this lifestyle. A few good ones are SM 101 by Jay Wiseman and The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren. Both can be found on Amazon. etc.

Lastly, join FetLife - but be careful. http://www.fetlife.com

--Cassandra

Monday, December 10, 2012

The tricks and treats of changing titles

Today, my book Master Class released. I'm really excited about it, but I thought you guys might like to a little behind-the-scenes look at some of the things that go on before a book is published.

Loose Id put out their holiday submissions call in August (they have to do it that far in advance to have the books ready by December) and I decided to write another story for it. Last year I wrote Caught, which was successful beyond my wildest dreams, and I wanted to try my hand at BDSM again.

I sent in a proposal, and Loose Id contracted the book. *whoa* That was the first time I'd ever had a book accepted on proposal. Very cool, but also very pressure-filled. So then, in ten days I wrote the 45k first draft. It was crazy. This book was literally pulled out of me. That had never happened before either.

As I was writing, I knew one of the major themes of the book was how Ryan discovers BDSM and how much he enjoys it. The title "Awakening" came to me and I thought it was perfect. In late August I turned Awakening in at around 47k.

My editor emailed me a few weeks later and said, "We're all set, but we need to change the title." Uh-oh. I've had titles changed a few times - every author has, but what to change it to? I loved Awakening! But another Loose Id book about a year ago had a similar title, so I had to give it up.

I turned to my critique partners, and between Annabeth Albert and I, we came up with Master Class. Ryan is a college professor, so "class" seemed appropriate, and of course he's a new Dom. His sub doesn't call him Master, but Sir Class doesn't quite have the same ring. Plus, there's an actual thing in college called a Master Class, so that fit too. We suggested it to Loose Id, they loved it, and Master Class was born!

Here's the blurb and an excerpt from Master Class:


Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

EXCERPT:
“What the fuck is an acceptable costume to wear to a Halloween party at a BDSM club?” Ryan Tomasi muttered aloud to himself. He did that a lot these days, since he lived alone after his recent divorce. “Sheesh.”
From his Internet research, he knew people who practiced BDSM—the term “practice” cracked him up every time—already dressed in some pretty outrageous outfits. Between the leather daddies and the pony play, as well as the other strange getups he’d seen online, Ryan wasn’t sure what to think. Full-body latex encasement? He shuddered.
But one thing was clear. He couldn’t keep fucking random women and feel good about it or himself. The whole mess had started after Ryan’s now ex-wife had blindsided him with divorce papers about a year ago, saying she didn’t love him anymore. The fact he’d loved her and had wanted to work on the marriage apparently wasn’t good enough, and Ryan found himself living in a rented house with nothing but his recliner and a futon to sleep on. Over the past year, he’d done what he could to rebuild his life, and now it was time to take the next step.
Ryan needed to find someone for more than a one-night stand and, it seemed, someone who wanted to submit to him, since he’d found he really liked some of this BDSM stuff, especially the dominating side. He felt like a fool on the bar scene, and he really wasn’t a one-night-stand kind of guy, though that had been his MO lately. He’d never even known there was a whole formal “thing” like BDSM until his friend Jack, a fellow professor at the college where Ryan taught English literature, had asked one day, while Ryan was lamenting his pathetic sex life, if he’d ever engaged in any BDSM activities. Ryan had been taken aback, to say the least. He’d thought that kind of thing was limited to porn. Real people didn’t get kinky like that, did they? Hell, he’d gotten married at twenty-two and had been with his ex-wife for almost fifteen years. It appeared he didn’t know shit about sex—kinky sex scene in particular.
Ryan had been shocked when Jack offered to let Ryan see what his submissive, Callie, and Jack did in some of their “scenes” so that Ryan could get a feel for what domination was all about. Jack didn’t allow any actual intercourse or other sexual contact between him and Callie when they got together, which Ryan totally understood, so there was a little bit missing from what he wanted to experience after reading how great the sex could be.
But just watching the way Jack dealt with Callie, and then having the opportunity to try a bunch of things out himself during subsequent play sessions with the two of them, had given Ryan a light at the end of what had been a very dark tunnel since the ex had walked out on him. He believed he’d finally found what he was looking for; what he’d been missing his entire life. The high from a woman submitting to him was the most natural, yet most powerful thing he’d ever felt, and Callie wasn’t even his submissive. What would that feel like?
Shaking out of his reverie, Ryan decided reinforcements were in order and called Jack. “Hey, man.”
“What’s up?”
“Am I interrupting anything?” He was almost afraid to ask.
Jack laughed. “If you’re asking me if Callie is tied up somewhere waiting for me to fuck her six ways to Sunday, no, you’re not interrupting anything. That’s later.”
“TMI, dude, TMI. Anyway, I need help.”
“You need a lot more than help.”
“Yeah, yeah. Seriously, I need to know what a Dom should wear to this Halloween party.”
“Uh, clothes? Usually only the submissives are naked.”
“Are you going to help or not? You’re the one who said I should go to this.” Ryan knew Jack was just messing with him, but as this Halloween party was his “coming out” of sorts as a Dom, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself.
“All right. I’ll take pity on you. What types of costumes are you looking at? What will make you feel comfortable?”
Ryan snorted. “Not sure anything can do that. I’m nervous as hell.”
“Remember, a Dom needs to portray an air of confidence. If you don’t, no sub is going to trust you enough to play with you.”
“I know. And by the time I get there, I’m sure I’ll be a lot calmer. I’ve been pretty good when I’ve played with Callie, haven’t I?”
Ryan could practically see the smirk on Jack’s face.
“Yeah, but I was there too. She knows better than to disobey me and that I would keep the play safe. Goes back to that trust issue. Plus, you didn’t have any sexual contact or anything that might’ve freaked you out. Speaking of that, you got your medical test results, right?”
“Yeah. Sent them to the club the other day.”
“Good. They won’t let you in unless you can prove you’re clean. Now, back to the costume. How about something easy like a police officer or a soldier? Some take-charge type of thing would be fitting.”
“Oh, I like the idea of a soldier.” Soldiers were powerful, respected—everything Ryan thought a Dom should project. It was the perfect costume to convey the image he wanted during his first public play. Ryan quickly typed that into the search engine of the costume store. “Awesome. They have a pretty cool one.”
“See how simple it is, once you’re not freaking out? I know this is all new and a little scary for you, but remember, kinksters are people too.”
“Yeah, yeah. You guys are going to be there, right?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t let you go into the big, bad world of BDSM all by yourself. Also, I’m your sponsor, so you can’t get in without me anyway this first time.”
“Okay, cool. See you then. And thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“Anytime.”
Jack hung up, and Ryan looked over the costume specs. It had a camouflage shirt and pants, along with a set of dog tags. He had black boots already for when he did stuff around the house. Though he wasn’t imposing by any means at five-nine and one-eighty, he wasn’t tiny either. Hopefully the costume would make him look like a bit of a badass. He flexed his bicep. Maybe allow him to show off the muscles he was just starting to develop with regular workouts at the gym over the past several months.
* * * *
On Halloween night Ryan dressed in his costume and drove to the club. Jack and Callie were waiting just inside the doors, and when Jack saw him approach, he spoke to the bouncer, who waved Ryan through without a word. Jack was clad as Zorro, and Callie’s dress, if you could call it that, was liberally scored with slashes. It looked more like a bunch of black bandages than anything else, and Ryan wondered how long Jack would allow her to remain clothed. If he knew Jack—and he felt he did after playing with him several times and spending hours talking to him about BDSM and a whole host of other topics—not long.
He wasn’t sure what was appropriate to say to Callie, so he forced his gaze away from her and greeted Jack, who grinned.
“You can tell her she looks hot. It’s not like you’ve never seen her naked.”
Ryan smiled, relaxing. He pivoted back to her. “You look hot, Callie.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Shall we?”
Jack gestured toward the door at the end of the short hall, and Ryan could hear a bass beat pounding from the other side. He nodded, swallowing thickly. Ryan needn’t have worried, though. As soon as he stepped into the room and looked around, his nerves settled.
I’m home.
The people around him were engaged in all manner of things, but even a cursory glance at the various scenes playing out before him made him finally feel like he was normal. He wasn’t a freak for wanting sex and control like this, despite what his ex-wife had said when he’d suggested some pretty mild stuff to spice up their sex life.
“What do you think?” his friend shouted over the music.
“It’s fucking perfect.” Ryan couldn’t have kept that note of awe out of his voice even if he’d tried.
Jack laughed. “I figured you’d say that. I’ll give you a tour, but we need to do one thing first.”
“What’s that?”
“Lose the shirt. You’ll look way more Dom-ish without it.”
“Dom-ish?” Callie repeated with a chuckle.
“You behave before I decide to leash you,” Jack threatened. “Or maybe we can give Ryan here some more practice with that paddle you hate so much.”
She looked down. “Whatever would please you, Master.”
“Seeing your beautiful ass bright red and ready to be fucked would please me greatly, but we need to babysit Ryan for a bit longer before we can play.”
Ryan pulled off his shirt and stuffed it into his brand-new toy bag. Who would’ve thought a duffel bag he got at an academic conference would come in handy to hold the instruments of pain and pleasure he’d spent a small fortune on?
He followed Jack through the club as the other man pointed out the public play area, the theme rooms, and the staircase to the private rooms upstairs. Then they all went to the bar, which served no alcohol so as to keep the clubgoers sober for play, as Jack explained in answer to Ryan’s puzzled question. They procured soft drinks—drinks were included in the price of the membership—and found a comfy couch that was close enough to the public play area that Ryan had a good view of several scenes taking place. Jack and Ryan sat, and Callie settled on a cushion in front of her Dom.
“That girl,” Jack said, pointing to a submissive tied to a St. Andrew’s cross as a man whipped her from thighs to shoulders, “is a hard-core masochist. As you can see, she’s not wearing a collar, so she’s not owned, but stay away from her. Until you get more comfortable with impact play, all you’ll do is frustrate both of you.”
Ryan nodded, forcing himself not to wince as the man laid another welt on her ass.
“That one,” his friend continued with a jerk of his head at another submissive, “is a horrible topper-from-the-bottom. She’s definitely not a good fit for you as a beginner. I’m not really sure why any Dom would play with her. It would drive me batty to have a sub questioning my every order.”
Jack dismissed a few more for one reason or another as they sipped their beverages. There weren’t a ton of subs running around without collars, and Ryan was beginning to believe none of them would pass Jack’s muster.
“She’s a pretty one,” Jack remarked, and Ryan followed his gaze. He nearly swallowed his can of soda pop whole. Pretty didn’t begin to describe the woman. She was a few inches shorter than him, from what he could tell in his current position, and had enough meat on her bones to be curvy. If he was going to be tying a woman up and fucking the hell out of her, he wanted to be sure her ribs wouldn’t crack at the slightest provocation.
Her long brown hair was piled on top of her head, leaving the slim column of her neck exposed. Ryan loved to nibble on women’s necks, and if he had this one restrained, he’d happily spend hours torturing her in that spot. She was wearing what looked like a harem girl outfit, with a jeweled bra and flouncy, gauzy pants. From the looks of things, Ryan was pretty sure she was naked underneath them.
Jack had been speaking with Callie but straightened up. “Callie said her name is Lisette, and she’s an experienced submissive who hasn’t been to the club as far as Callie knows since her split with her Dom a while back. She’s not owned, as you can see from the fact she’s not collared. The lack of a collar doesn’t always mean a sub is not owned, but at open parties like this, all owned submissives must be collared. As you know,” he continued with a grin in Callie’s direction, “some of us can be possessive bastards, and it cuts down on potential problems.”
“Makes sense,” Ryan murmured. His friend’s eyes suddenly widened a little in anticipation, and Ryan turned in the direction of his gaze.
“Hey, do you mind if we go take advantage of that spanking bench? At these parties, equipment doesn’t stay empty long.”
“No, go ahead.”
Jack helped Callie up and landed a hard swat on her ass. “Go get it for us, pet. I’ll be right over.” He turned to Ryan. “Feel free to watch us or anyone else. We should be back within a half hour or so. Callie’s been naughty lately and needs a good dose of the belt.”
Winking, he walked away, and Ryan laughed. Before Jack had agreed to bring Ryan here for public play, he’d insisted on several private sessions at the house he and Callie shared, so Ryan knew Callie’s favorite implement was the belt. He doubted she would be too upset if Jack used it tonight.
A completely naked woman, save for a collar, came by and took their empty soda cans. Ryan gave her a small smile but kept his attention focused on the scenes unfolding around him. Jack was busy tying Callie to the spanking bench, and the masochistic woman was still being whipped—Ryan couldn’t hold back his wince this time at a particularly hard strike—and a male submissive was going to town on his Mistress’s pussy like he was mining for gold. Turning away from them, he saw a female submissive strapped to what Jack had called a bondage table with cane marks decorating her ass in perfectly spaced lines and her Dom’s dick in her mouth. He’d never tried caning, but it looked interesting, if a little scary. Hell, almost everything looked interesting right now.
Ryan continued to watch as Jack bared Callie’s ass and started out lightly flicking the belt across it. He’d explained to Ryan how important it was to warm the bottom up by bringing the blood to the surface to prevent bruising, and Ryan had spent long hours in the past couple of weeks practicing with a pillow and the strap he’d ordered along with the other stuff Jack had said he’d need to be able to play. The club had a nice selection of implements lined up on the walls of the public play area, but Jack had recommended he get used to his own so he didn’t make a mistake and hurt a submissive.
He was just about to rise and make his way back to the bar when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. The submissive Callie had called Lisette knelt directly in front of him, a bottle of water laid on her upturned palms. Ryan raised an eyebrow.

Copyright 2012, Cassandra Carr

Buy link: http://www.loose-id.com/master-class.html

My links:
Website: http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCassandraCarr
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/cassandra_carr


Sunday, December 2, 2012

Inside the mind of a submissive man

When I asked for topics you guys wanted to see on this blog, one that came up was how a submissive man thinks/feels, etc. I thought that would be fascinating, and a friend offered to ask two of her friends who are submissive (at times -one is actually a switch) a bunch of questions. Here are the questions and the guys' answers. I want to thank both of them for their incredible candor and insight.


1. It seems like many people envision women being submissive and men being dominant. You're a male submissive. What do you think sets you apart from men who are dominant?

ANSWER: As a switch who bottoms/subs to women, I think what sets me apart from a male dominant is a willingness to accept that I don't have to be in control all the time. The times I can take control and work my will on someone are great, but that doesn't have to be all the time for me. I can give the drivers seat over and feel fine about it, in certain instances.

ANSWER: First off, I do not consider myself a "male submissive". Beyond my parents (and we have all submitted to 'them" at one time or another) I have never submitted to anyone but my one and only Mistress. I have long lived as the god of my own universe, captain of the ship of me, and as such have never sought out anyone to take over those duties and responsibilities. Yet, since the age of 8 or so, I've had sexually charged fantasies about being overwhelmed by bossy, arrogant, dominant women. 
I kept that side of myself hid for so many years, and finally had to experience it so I could keep growing as a person. I met the woman who became my Mistress my first night at a club, and we soon fell in love, and decided to form a life together. She is the only one I ever submit to, so that is an exception in my life, and remains so. I should add that my sub-ness is entirely connected to sex, and sexual energy for me. So I am very much a role player who ended up in a 24/7 D/S relationship cuz of love. 
Recently I have discovered I am a switch. A girl I know and am close to inspires this side of me, and for the first time I have been truly experimenting with being dominant, and am enjoying its reality in myself. Does this mean I am now a Dominant male? No, the fact that I do it with one person does not warrant such a broad all-encompassing term, the same way submitting to one person does not warrant calling myself "submissive". I can go to these places when the chemistry is right with the right people. 
As for a difference between myself and dominant males - my experience so far has shown me that many who identify as dominant often live with the frustration of feeling relatively impotent in other areas, disrespected, weak, having to eat other people's shit, etc. They turn to others who desire to be, or identify as submissive to help work thru these issues, and to feel a kind of power over another human being they rarely if ever can get anywhere else. So the distinguishing quality is not being dominant per se, but the NEED to feel, and be, dominant.
Many who identify as submissive, on the other hand (and this characterizes how I see myself, too) feel very much in control of their daily lives, exercise direction, responsibility, even authority, and therefore want to feel the voluptuous pleasure of laying that down, giving it to another (power exchange) and feeling it turned upon them. 
A supreme form of general confidence allows me to overcome any fear that might stand in the way of me doing this - giving power to another person. In this case, my Mistress. In a nutshell, submissives to me often seem more relaxed and confident in a general sense than many dominants, who are often concerned with questions of power and perception and having to live up to an ideal.

2. Are there differences you can see between male and female submissives?
ANSWER: Not many. Submission is a mindset, not something that I've seen be defined more by gender. Generally, I'd say the type of play the submissive can endure, but that's not true either, because I've seen some female bottoms take beatings that some male bottoms would safe word out of right damn quick.

ANSWER: Not really, aside from societal prejudices, i.e. the way they might be treated. I know some female submissives that prefer this dynamic in any and every relationship they have, whereas all males I know who identify with the S side want it only with particular women, and are fine with being switchy or dominant in other contexts. This is just my experience so far, tho.

3. What is your favorite part of being a male submissive?
ANSWER: Knowing that, when I'm in a submissive space, someone is taking care of me, and I am making her happy because of that. Whatever that entails.

ANSWER: The sex. More specifically, the power of the play and the sex, especially when in the context of a 24/7 dynamic (and no one, male or female / dominant or submissive, can be one thing All the time) I could also say the joy of being with and serving a wonderful woman I love and admire, but I would feel that way even without the D/S. I like doing things for the ones I love, and that's not always a "submissive" thing, rather a Love and "I'm good at this particular thing" thang.

4. Do you ever encounter any negativity from people in the lifestyle because you're submissive? What about if someone who's not in the lifestyle finds out?
ANSWER: Not really, mainly because I try to avoid people who make instant judgments about a person based on their role in the lifestyle. It would be like hanging around someone who thought all Doms are arrogant assholes, or someone who thought all switches were slutty tourists. As for outside the scene, I am very private with my lifestyle. Almost no one outside the scene knows what I do or how I do it, in that regard. If someone were to find out, I think they would be more focused on WHAT I was doing (BDSM) rather than HOW I was doing it.

ANSWER: I never do, probably because I carry myself well, I'm physically big and seem imposing to some, and I'm very comfortable in myself. It just never seems to be a problem. Plus most people know and respect my Mistress as well, so it has always worked out smoothly social-ness wise. And plenty of others I know outside of the lifestyle have found out, and they have all expressed surprise that I would be submissive in this. I apparently come across quite the opposite. And that's no surprise per answer #1.

5. What kind of dominant woman turns you on the most? What turns you off?
ANSWER: Confidence, and the knowledge they can handle me when I bottom. I get very...primal when I bottom hard, and I don't bottom unless I'm going to go hard. Those are the main turn-ons for me. Turn-off...arrogance. Someone who thinks their shit doesn't stink is going to put me off right away.

ANSWER: My favorite kind of dominant woman is usually large breasted, even full figured, and can even have all the symbols of "bad girl-ness", i.e. tats and piercings, smokes, biker chick, possibly dangerous, hint of ex-con, proud to be physically hot white trash yet also cunning and ruthless. Let's go beyond the cosmetics and fantasy. My favorite kind of dominant woman is in control of her evil. How? She also has a big heart and a brain. 
She is also comfortable in her own skin and sexuality, and has found her sadism and dominance as a natural energy within her. The kind I don't like? Those that (like bad male dominants, too!) posture too much, all bombast and ego to cover up the fact that they haven't actually found it within themselves yet, and are trying too hard to SEEM dominant and commanding. With them I only see the inexperience, inauthenticity, the act. Give em time maybe they will find it later. Maybe not.


Truly, truly interesting stuff, don't you think? Again, I want to thank both of these men for taking the time to give detailed, insightful answers to my inquiries. I'd love to hear what you think of their answers and any experiences you've had, either as a male submissive, or dealing with a male submissive.

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Violet Wand - it's nothing to be afraid of! Really!

The lovely Francesca Hawley brought her violet wand to the Ellora's Cave Romanticon convention last month, and when we weren't drooling talking politely to Cavemen, we gave it a try on Sunday night. In the middle of the bar. Now, before you go getting the wrong idea, we kept things aboveboard, and away from...sensitive areas.

If you're not familiar with a violet wand, here's a description of the Apprentice Kit from one the sites I use to research BDSM equipment, The Stockroom:


Take your first steps into the world of Nikola Tesla with this Apprentice Violet Wand kit, a sampler of the sensations that the Violet Wand has to offer. From a soft caress of static electricity to an acute zap with a smell of ozone, this kit delivers a wide range of electric sensation and is a great entry-level e-stim kit.
The large, medium, and small bulb assortment is a wonderful place to start with the included Edison bulb adaptor. The large bulb offers an adjustable, mild warm up while the smaller the bulbs become, the more intense and acute the sensation is for that special someone or naughty nobody.
The convex, rounded mushroom attachment is a natural for both male and female nipple and genital play and the small, straight probe attachment is great for delivering a spark of sensation with pinpoint accuracy.
Feeling creative? Manipulate the spark with the included Wartenberg wheel or slip on finger “eagle talons” to deliver a little, prickly tickle or sassy shock to you or your partner’s sensitive bits and pieces. 
For a more technical description, we'll turn to VioletWand.org:
The violet wand operates almost exactly as the Tesla coil described. The main difference is that the violet wand does not use a transformer, at least in the hand held models. Basically the wand uses another coil set up as an electro magnet. This set up is sometimes called a “Wagners Hammer”.
The pulsing AC current from the wall outlet causes the electro magnet to attract and then repel a permanent magnet that is attached to one side of a set of electrical contacts. By moving together and then apart, the circuit is made by the contacts and then broken, very fast. This is the buzzing noise you hear when using the wand. This making and then breaking the circuit establishes our electrical pulse.
When you adjust the intensity on the wand, you are positioning the permanent magnet closer to or further from the electro magnet. At low intensity the permanent magnet is far from the electro magnet. The electro magnet, when it is activated, has less of a pull on it because it has to overcome this distance. The contacts open and close at a slower rate. This has the effect of de-tuning the primary coil from the secondary and therefore there is less output (the pushes on the swing are coming at not quite the right frequency. The swing climbs, but not as high as it could.)
Incidentally, this is why at low levels the violet wands output will drop as its position is shifted. The distance between them is so great that the pull of the electro magnet is not enough to draw the permanent magnet towards it. Turning the wand upright adds a gravitational pull to the permanent magnet as well as the pull of the electro magnet. It is only with the gravitational pull assisting that the contact can open and close at all. Therefore the wand will work when held upright, but not when tilted.
This is the smaller "head"
Now for the fun stuff. What happened when Shoshanna Evers and I tried the violet wand? For me, though I had some trepidation beforehand, I LOVED IT. We used the wand mostly on our inner arms, which are quite sensitive, but I would less so than any female bits. It wasn't like we were going to do that in the middle of the bar. It was bad enough you needed to take off anything metal off, including, er, underwire bras.

So Francesca got everything out and explained some about how it worked. Then she put the "mushroom head" (no snickers, erotic romance writers, not that kind of head) on the wand and turned it to the lowest setting. Shoshanna and I both tried it and decided we could go higher. Francesca gradually turned it up, placing it on different spots on our arms. She asked us what "color" we were often and watched us closely.

Here's Shoshanna experiencing the wand...
Francesca showed another, smaller attachment which would concentrate the sensation more. We both agreed to try it, and once again, both of us seemed to enjoy it. I can't speak for Shoshanna, but it was a really cool sensation for me. Then she switched to another setting which electrified her and when she touched us, the current passed through her and into us. Very, very interesting.

I was feeling a little strange and tired from the aftereffects of a migraine, so I bowed out after that and went to sit and talk to a couple of hot Cavemen, but I know Shoshanna and Francesca continued to play for a while after that.
Shoshanna and Francesca after Francesca electrified herself

I'm guessing the most common question is going to be - what did it FEEL like? Well, that's hard to describe. It didn't "hurt" but it was a lot of sensations. If you have used a TENS unit as part of physical therapy, there are some similarities, but I'd say the violet wand is more intense.

I think someone who enjoys sensation play such as vampire gloves, the Wartenburg wheel, etc might be a fan of the violet wand. The main point is - don't be afraid of it! Make sure the person wielding it knows what they're doing and keep the lines of communication open, but don't be afraid of it.

Have you ever tried a violet wand? What did you think?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Ten ways to tell if your man might be kinky

I was talking to a friend, who shall remain anonymous, and I was asking him about BDSM. He mentioned he didn't know if he was interested in it or not because he'd never been exposed to it. After my brain exploded with all the fun ways to introduce someone to BDSM (he's just a friend, but hey, I can fantasize), I started thinking about how, if you were in a new relationship, you might be able to figure out if your new man might be kinky. This is going to be a partially serious post, with a few tongue-in-cheek things thrown in, because it's been a long day and I have to entertain myself some way.

How to tell if your man might be kinky (or at least open to a discussion about it):


  1. You've noticed him spending a lot of time staring at your ass with his palm twitching.
  2. He doesn't hide that he watches porn.
  3. He owns some sort of sex toy or toys, even so-called tame ones.
  4. You climb on top and grab his hands, pulling them over his head, and he doesn't freak out.
  5. During doggy-style sex, he slaps your ass.
  6. He seems comfortable with dirty talk, especially dirty talk from you.
  7. When you mention him backing you into the wall/watching you in the mirror/etc, he grins, rather than apologizing.
  8. He owns or has at least seen and not been disgusted by movies like Secretary, 9 1/2 Weeks...
  9. You come home one day to find your ereader loaded with erotic romance, because he's figured out if you're horny it might be to his benefit.
  10. When you tell him a story about a friend of yours having sex with her boyfriend in some at least semi-public place, he thinks it's hot rather than that they should've been arrested.
How else can you tell if a man might be kinky? Give us more suggestions in the comments!
-- Cassandra

By the way, I've got some BDSM books coming out soon! Master Class is releasing on December 11th.

Here's the blurb:
Ryan Tomasi feels like a failure. His marriage is officially over; the ink dried on the divorce decree. His friend Jack introduces him to BDSM and he agrees to attend a Halloween party at a club. A submissive approaches him, offering herself, and how can he refuse the kneeling beauty? They do a whirlwind scene and Ryan is addicted—both to dominance and to her.

Lisette Rinaldo is returning to the BDSM club for the first time since ending a bad relationship with her former master. She spots Ryan and is taken by the combination of self-assurance and nervousness the man displays as he takes in his surroundings. And after he gives her an incredible re-introduction to the lifestyle, she knows she needs to see the man again.

Ryan and Lisette explore each other and the lifestyle, but what started out as playtime quickly evolves into something more. The problem? Ryan isn’t ready to get serious again and Lisette doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy who can’t give all of himself to her. Both of them are going to have to break out of the bonds holding them back from happiness.

And Unexpected Top is coming out on January 18, 2013.

Here's the blurb:
Sometimes a wife has to go to extreme measures to save her marriage. When Cissy Holden doesn't feel appreciated, she takes matters into her own hands--literally--and introduces her wayward husband Len to the concept of a Female-Led Relationship (FLR). Will Len be on board with FLR, or has Cissy just made the biggest mistake of her life?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

How to bring up the topic of BDSM to your man in 5 easy steps

With the recent popularity of the BDSM book-that-must-not-be-named (which we all know isn't really a BDSM book anyway), I've heard several women discussing how they could approach their significant others about wanting to get kinky. First of all, I applaud you for trying something different, but if you don't want to try it, don't. There's nothing wrong with having no desire to be kinky.

But if you do want to delve into the world of kink, and you don't want to do it alone, here are some ways to approach your man:
Maybe not start out with these...
Creative Commons by -JvL-
http://www.flickr.com/photos/-jvl-/

  1. Buy a book and either leave it where he'll see it or directly show it to him. I'm not talking about buying the aforementioned book, but rather something like SM 101- A Realistic Introduction, or The Ultimate Guide to Kink.
  2. Buy a toy, and do the same thing - leave it out or show it to him. Start small (not literally) here, people. Don't go for the single tail or the eight-inch butt plug right off the bat, or you'll scare the hell out of most men. Try a little paddle. Handcuffs. Maybe a vibrating toy.
  3. Start a discussion, without buying a book or a toy. Some people feel more comfortable assessing their man's interest level before spending money, and that's a great way to approach this.
  4. Rent a movie with some BDSM elements. Secretary is a good one to start with, though the BDSM is really pretty tame.
  5. Suggest he read one of our books! (Sorry, had to throw that in there...)
Can you think of other ways to approach a significant other? Tell me in the comments!

-- Cassandra

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Balancing a BDSM relationship when you're in public

One of my Twitter followers suggested this topic, and I thought it was a great one. I love that I can always count on my followers to give me plenty of fodder for this blog! By the way, for the sake of simplicity I'm gong to use a female sub and a male Dom, although we all know there are all sorts of variations as to who is submissive and who is dominant.

My follower's questions were, "How can you balance a BDSM relationship with being in public? For instance, how do you stealthily show your relationship without being obvious?"

Some excellent questions. Overall, I think it comes down to how, as a submissive, you treat your Dominant, and the other way around. Respect on both sides is important, not just from the submissive to the Dom. Also, there are a lot of rules that work as well in public as they do in the privacy of home, like how to dress, what the submissive is not allowed to eat, etc. Simply abiding by these rules, even when in public, is in keeping with your BDSM relationship.

You don't have to use a collar
like this all the time, you know...
Creative Commons Andre SC - 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/57926608@N00/
 
As far as the treatment/respect thing goes, a service submissive can still serve her Master no matter where they are. At a party? Maybe the sub can make sure the Dom's drink is never empty, or that he always has someone to talk to. Maybe the sub could watch for signs of fatigue and make sure the Dom sits, or the sub can rub his shoulders.

More overt signs of a BDSM relationship, but ones that can still be subtle, are collars that don't look like collars. Any piece of jewelry, or even a tattoo or the life, can be a collar. It's all in what it means to the sub and her Dom. You don't have to have a ten-pound padlock on the collar for it to be called a collar. Even a string of pearls or a diamond ring can be a collar.

I'm sure there are more ways to signify or honor a BDSM relationship in public, but these are just a few. What other methods can you think of? Feel free to tell me in the comments.

-- Cassandra
http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Submissives are not doormats

Recently I read a review for a BDSM book that mentioned she didn't like how the submissive was a doormat. I've read that book, and that submissive is not a doormat. She's a submissive. Big difference, but one this reader could not discern. So, being a BDSM author myself, I started thinking about why this reader might have classified this submissive as a doormat.

There are several potential reasons:

1. The BDSM was intense and somewhat edgy.
2. Her Master had rules for her and if she didn't follow them, she was punished.
All rights reserved by msubelli - Creative Commons
3. The submissive was available to her Master sexually at all times.
4. The submissive had a good, high-paying job outside the home, but when at home her personal role reversed.
5. Her Master pushed her, sometimes out of her comfort zone, but she submitted the best she could.

I'm sure I could come up with other reasons, but hopefully you get the idea.

Now let's answer each point:


1. That's how the submissive wanted it. So she submitted in many areas, not just the bedroom.
2. The submissive knew she had organization and self-control issues so she asked for this.
3. Being available to her Master was part of their contract. Her libido had been low for a while before the book started and she thought it might help her sex life to make this a rule.
4. Again, she wanted it that way. She wanted to give up control to reduce stress.
5. Part of a Master's job is to help their submissive explore. Depending on the contract/communication etc this could mean pushing soft limits, pushing hard limits, requiring that the sub try everything once if the Master thinks she'll enjoy it, etc.

Submissives are not doormats. The power in a D/s relationship ultimately resides with the submissive. They are GIVING the Dominant the power. They can and sometimes do take that power away. And it takes an incredibly strong person to be able and willing to give up that power.

So the next time you read a BDSM book, remember, the submissive is doing it because they want to. Safe, sane, and consensual, people!

-- Cassandra
To learn more about me or my books, visit my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Introduction to blood play

DISCLAIMER: I am *not* an expert in blood play. Please, please, please do proper research before trying something like this.

I was asked by one of my Twitter followers to write about blood play. While this is not one of my kinks (I'm a bit squeamish about blood), your kink doesn't have to be my kink.

So what is blood play? According to Peter Masters, a BDSM expert, blood play is any form of BDSM play in which bloodletting is either common or expected. Some of the activities that might produce a side effect of blood play are flogging or caning, but also more extreme types of play such as cutting/knifeplay, needle play or piercing. The latter three, of course, are more likely to produce blood, as the object in this play is oftentimes that very thing. Oftentimes you can do a flogging or caning scene without introducing blood into it at all. But if blood is what you want, these activities can be done to a point that blood is introduced.

I hope I don't have to tell you all that if you're going to play with blood you need to have a LOT of communication and negotiation ahead of time, right? RIGHT? And you don't do something like blood play unless you totally, absolutely trust the other person in the scene. Trust comes with time. People have to earn trust and if someone tells you anything different, run, don't walk, in the other direction.

If you follow the link above to Peter Masters, he explains some of the safety protocols (like latex gloves) that should be used with blood play. The always-informative Leather n Roses blog also has an excellent post on blood play: http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/vergarabloodplay.htm. Safety is always paramount in BDSM, but especially with any form of edgeplay or extreme play.


*stepping off soapbox*


How common is blood play? I'm not sure, honestly. I know there are people out there who do it, but it's not nearly as common as, say, impact play (spanking, paddling) or bondage. Many public clubs don't allow it because of the health risks, so you're more likely to encounter it at a private party or in someone's home.

NOTE: If you're not squeamish and you want to see one interesting example of blood play, check out this site: http://bdsmforbeginners.blogspot.com/2009/07/ms160-watches-blood-cupping-scene.html?zx=860febf3d0979c82




Wednesday, July 18, 2012

BDSM- it doesn't have to be serious all the time


Welcome to another day in the BDSM Authors Playroom Blog Hop! I hope you're having as much fun as we are! Today I'm here to talk about a subject that doesn't seem to get much play (heh) in the BDSM community--even though we ALWAYS recommend your play is safe, sane, and consensual, that doesn't mean it always has to be serious. You can have fun with BDSM.

What do I mean? Well, let's think about this...

One thing I want to make clear before I start. I am not making fun of anyone else's choices. What gets you revved up is your business and nobody else's.

With that out of the way...let's start with puppy and pony play. There are many people who take this very seriously, and some who use it for punishment, but many lifestylers do it because a person dressed up like a puppy or a pony is kinda cute and fun.

Then there are the "fun" spankings and other "reward" things. There are impression paddles that say "ouch" and panties that say "spank me". How about the feather ticklers Doms can use to torture ticklish subs? Or the Wartenburg wheel? You can also make a chocolate impression of a penis with a handy kit.

The point is...yes, BDSM should be taken seriously to make sure all parties are safe. But that doesn't mean you can't have a little--or a lot--of fun!

~~~

To further illustrate this point, here's a short excerpt from my holiday BDSM novella, Caught. Yes, as you can see below, you CAN marry the themes of the holidays and BDSM!

Sir came back into the room carrying a big pile of stuff and set it all down on the edge of the bed. Callie started to look down, but Sir said, “Uh-uh, eyes up.” Dutifully she raised her gaze until she was staring at the ceiling. Her arms were still above her head, and she heard him chuckle. “My perfect little submissive, already in position to be restrained.” Glancing at the headboard, she frowned. The leather wasn’t exactly conducive to bondage. “Don’t you worry, pet. I’ve got a plan.”

He began to unravel something from a package, but Callie couldn’t tell what it was, though it sounded kind of crinkly. He came to the head of the bed, and she saw he was holding a long length of gold garland. “Hands.” Eyebrow raised, she offered him her hands, and he tied them together. Sir went into the attached bath and came back with a towel, which he placed underneath her. Her eyebrow rose again, but Sir just gave her an enigmatic smile and left the room.

“Now where did he go?” she muttered.

Callie jumped when Sir answered. “Forgot something in the playroom.” He grinned down at her. “Didn’t hear me coming, did you?” He held up a contraption. “Spread those lovely thighs for me, baby.” She did, and he attached a leather cuff at about midthigh. A small spreader bar stretched between them. He ran the garland through the D bolts on each cuff, which basically formed a triangle of garland going from her hands to her legs. “Hmmm, that’s going to be too much pressure on your poor wrists,” he murmured. “Aha! An idea…” Sir left the room again, and Callie shook her head in amusement. She’d never seen this side of him—he was like a kid in a candy store.


~~~
Don't forget to go fill out the BDSM Unleashed Grand Prize Entry form below and leave a comment for your chance to win one of THREE great prizes, the first prize being a $100 gift card to the online bookstore of your choice! For even more chances to win, the list of participating blogs is HERE. 

GOOD LUCK!

To learn more about me and my books, visit my website http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com




Enter P

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Impact wins Book of the Month from BDSM Book Reviews!

I'm so excited! BDSM Book Reviews posted a 5-paddle review for Impact and that made it eligible for Book of the Month. And it won! Now it'll go up against the other 11 monthly winners for Book of the Year. Here's an excerpt from the review. The full review is here, and the announcement is here.



I got hooked on Impact from the very beginning.  It drew me in and made me ache for a little of what Jessica got. Impact will make you laugh and make you sweat as the pages in this book are scorching hot. I have to give this story a high rating because it was well written and sucked me in so well that I was late to work because I just had to finish one more chapter! Impact isn’t hard core BDSM, but there is enough D/s to make sure you know its there. I highly recommend picking up this first book in the Buckin’ Bull Riders series –just be careful you don’t burn yourself!


--Cassandra
For more information about me or my books, check out my website at http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Jealousy in multiple partner relationships

I've got a new menage release today, and it got me to wondering: what are the chances of having a multiple-partnership relationship, whether it has a BDSM aspect or not, without jealousy getting in the way?

Men, it seems, have more of a tendency to be outwardly jealous. Women seem to keep it inside, but men tend to show more obvious signs of jealousy and possessiveness. So what happens when these signs show up in a multiple-partner relationship? And do you think people who engage in permanent menage relationships or BDSM relationships are better equipped to handle these jealousy issues?

Here's my thought: in any multiple-partner relationship, each person is aware they will be sharing or being shared. One would hope the people doing the sharing would talk beforehand, acknowledge that they won't always have 100% of the sharee's attention, and come to terms with it. Undoubtedly, though, that doesn't always happen.

Personally, there's no way I would enter into a multiple-partner relationship without talking about this issue. I can imagine it's one of the things that could tear apart the relationship forever, and it shouldn't be ignored.

What are your thoughts on jealousy in a multiple-partner relationship?

If you're interested in my new release, here's the blurb:

Luc, Carter, and Jake make up the Buffalo Intimidators' top scoring line and play together both on and off the ice, with a history of sharing women. Each of them is also a client of massage therapist Eva. When they decide they want to be more than just clients, they approach her about having a ménage a quatre.

Eva's been secretly lusting after the guys for months, but was afraid to say anything in an attempt to keep her relationship with the guys on a strictly professional level. Besides, how could she pick just one when such mouthwatering displays of masculinity are spread out on her massage table every day? She agrees to the ménage, but when serious health problems begin to plague members of the team, will she want more than a quick score with her hockey boys?

And the lovely cover: