What is BDSM - the basics explained.

So, what exactly is BDSM? I know a lot of people who are unfamiliar with BDSM tend to lump practitioners in with swingers, sex fiends, perverts, and the like.

Okay, so maybe there are a few people who are all of those and into BDSM as well. But let’s start with the basics.

BDSM is an overlapping, catch-all term that stands for

*Bondage &Domination

*Domination & submission

*Sadism & masochism

It is better to refer to BDSM as "WIITWD" (What It Is That We Do) because there are SOOOO many people lumped under the BDSM "umbrella" that technically don't fall under what is typically perceived as the BDSM lable. Just because someone's kinky doesn't mean they're a sadomasochist or into D/s play.

There are people who enjoy bondage play but no pain. There are people who are into the D/s (Dominance/submission) dynamic, but not into bondage or pain. There are people into pain play who aren't into D/s or bondage.

And every possibly conceivable permutation inbetween, including many you've probably never even thought of.

Also, don't think that just because someone is into kink of any kind that they mix their sexuality in with it. Some do, but some don't. I know players in the scene who are only into strict scenes that don't involve sex play at all.

There are people who are engaged in "pet play," which is where they basically act like an animal. Puppy and pony play are two of the most common. There are kittens and all sorts of fantastical animals as well. This is not necessarily the same thing as "furries" who enjoy full costumes. Just because a person is into one thing doesn't mean they're into another.

There are "spankos" who enjoy being spanked. Spanking parties are frequently a totally different, loose and laid-back atmosphere than that of a high-protocol dungeon where people might also get spanked. Some spankos are into BDSM, some aren't.

There are people who consider themselves "service submissives/slaves" where they want to be used for tasks like housework, but not sexually or for impact play.

There are people who are swingers or poly (or who are both) who are into BDSM, and there are monogamous couples/singles who are into BDSM.

In other words, don't go by what you see on the internet. The best way to meet people in the lifestyle is to attend a local function, like a Munch, where people get together in a vanilla setting to eat and chat. You can find people in your area on the website http://fetlife.com

And don't go to one BDSM party or dungeon and assume everyone plays like you witnessed. What people do varies as widely as there are people involved in the lifestyle. How traditional gay Leathermen might play may differ drastically than a husband and wife who only use BDSM to spice things up in the bedroom every once in a while.

I cover all this and more in my e-book "Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex," which is available from Captiva Press, Amazon.com, for the nook, and in other online retailers.

Tymber Dalton (who also writes as Lesli Richardson, Tessa Monroe, and Macy Largo) is a bestselling author, who is also a BDSM lifestyle switch. Her website is http://tymberdalton.com